Living with a flat mate

[Maygirl]

Hi Newbie here first time posting. Basically 28 yr old, moved out of come for first time to live with non dyspraxic housemate. We were best friends to begin with as known each other from uni. Anyway, our relationship has deteriorated somewhat and there's lots of tension between us, somewhat caused, inadvertently, by my dyspraxia. I work a long, tiring dayt, so when I'm home usually I'm exhausted and often tired. I forget things like locking the front door and sometimes leaving the hob on. I can see why this must annoy her but I genuinely forget to do basic things. The more I do stuff the more frustrated she gets, understandably so, but I can't seem to remember to do things all the time. Has anyone else been in a similar situation and what did they find helpful?

[JamesAnthony91]

I haven't been in a similar situation, honestly with things like that, I think my undiagnosed OCD helps immensely. I check lights, doors, taps, ovens, etc., around 5 or 6 times in the space of 10 minutes before I am content that everything is secure. I'm very alert to things that are going on, and am usually the one to turn off anything that was left on, or getting angry that the cap was left off the toothpaste...I cannot abide the cap being left off the toothpaste, it ruins my mood, possibly for hours after. My OCD and possibly my personality type, is what causes me to be organised, and I am great at organising things for people too. Now, in your case, I'd recommend you have an espresso after work if you want something to briefly make you more alert. What can also help, is a shower and some toast, or maybe a bar of dark chocolate. You should set alerts on your phone to remind you once or twice that you have to do something, then, you can rest assured that you won't miss a beat. You could also develop the habit of checking. Then rechecking. Then rechecking. And then, rechecking. Rechecking is key. That and modern technology.

[Tom fod]

One persons' OCD is another persons ritual or coping strategy. Making something a habit can be helpful

Would having notes up remind you to lock the door, check you've turned the hob off etc. Is your flatmate dyspraxia aware? Might she be more helpful understanding if she was more aware. Is she always perfect herself?

[sweetus]

Hi
Your post struck a cord with me
Having lived with my best friend for quite a few years and having behaviour very similar to yours especially in regards to not locking door leaving lights on and not to mention the cleaning rota being non existent and causing arguments
. I an say the first few months can be difficult. Getting used to living with another is natural and the first few months we argued a lot. After that though living with my best friend was the best thing I ever did .

The key for me was to sit down and work on the few things in my head that where the most important . For me leaving a light on was not ideal,however not locking a door was far more important as a security risk. So although I felt embarrassed to do it. I got a curtain peg and screwed it into the wall next to the offending door with post it note next to it for a week as a reminder. So it gave me a visual remainder if it was on hook it was locked door,if it was still in door it needed locking.
The second thing I did to avoid arguments was to split the rooms up in the house. Shared areas.. in terms of cleaning and keeping it tidy that room/rooms was now my resonsibility to clean and keep tidy at a suitible time for me. We where also allowed to put our own pictures in the rooms. With smaller areas it mush easier. The other room/rooms was my house mates to do the same. The only exception to this was the washing up, sweep the floor and wipe the tops down in kitchen which was done once a day.
In terms of food and cooking it's easier to buy your own food for the first 2 meals a day ..Cooking for 2 people on a night when you can.
I am not saying any of these solutions will work for you. I think the key is making it simple and dividing responsibility
.Good luck.