Anger Management

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How often do you feel angry?

Never
1
3%
Sometimes- once a fortnight or so
6
16%
Often- a few times a week
17
46%
Always- every day something really annoys me
13
35%
 
Total votes: 37

fuzzy
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Anger Management

Postby fuzzy » Tue Jun 20, 2006 3:26 pm

How do you cope with anger? I myself deal with it very badly and feel angry a lot of the time, often lashing out (verbally) at my family or physically doing something like screaming (ghost tours are great if youv had a bad day), kicking something or punching the wall/ a pillow (pillow is less opainfull and therefore more advisable). Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with it better? Iv always wanted to try out boxing, but being thin and female, iv avioded going to the uni one for ages, yarg....... ](*,)
Goodbye, and have a pleasant tommorrow!!
I swear to drunk im not God.....

Daniel
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Postby Daniel » Tue Jun 20, 2006 6:06 pm

Although I get frustrated by things and feel angry from time to time, it's seldom that I'll do much shouting (apart from swearing to myself) or perhaps throw a non-breakable object somewhere. Generally thought I tend to get angry in the main with inaminate objects and typically when they're not doing what I ask of them, or such as today when I spent ages looking for the Sony Building only to discover I was in completely the wrong part of town! Although frustrated and tired I had to laugh at myself and move on.

That said I think I deal with difficulties and difficult situations my storing them up inside which I think can lead you to cracking at some point in a bad way. I wonder if doing what you do Fuzz, having a short shout and storm out can be a better way of getting it out of your system, and even if it's directed at another person it's generally quickly moved on from.

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Postby Liz944 » Wed Jun 21, 2006 12:03 am

If I am home, and I get angry - I tend to give the cat a good fuss - I then think of the cat rather than the problem... Used to do martial arts which was good or swim as both take your mind off what is going on...

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Postby Esioul » Thu Jun 22, 2006 12:11 am

I like to sing my faveorite opera arias, ncie and loudly. I have a big problem with beign angry and emotional, agh, makes me a difficult eprson to live with I think.

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Greg
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Postby Greg » Thu Jun 22, 2006 4:50 pm

I've struggled with managing anger for most of my life. When I was younger I used to go beserk when a person made me angry. I mean that in the most literal possible fashion, initially I tried to kill whoever had upset me but after a few seconds it didn't matter, any warm body within reach was good enough.

After I nearly did someone in with a hockey stick in secondary school it seemed like a good time to get some help.

Two years ago I was wondering around with my friend Farrah, who I met towards the end of my first year of uni and ran into someone from my secondary school. They said something along the lines of "look out, it's that psycho, Greg" and Farrah defended me and said that she couldn't imagine me doing anything of the sort. One of the proudest moments of my life.

So anyways, while I'll run off at the mouth about anything, anger management is one of the subjects on which I'm generally talking about something I understand rather than throwing out wild theories on anything that I feel like.

My big problem is that I never really release anger. I'm quite conflict-avoidant these days so I don't tend to get any satisfaction over anger the way people who take small vengances do (the little things people do to treat you badly after you've upset them, I just can't do them or it esculates and I get back to where I was.) so I needed to find different ways to do it.

I tend to break things, I buy objects specifically thinking "that'd be a really good thing to break while angry" also things that can be bent back into shape and reused. Larua once commented she could tell how good a day I've had by the state of my wire bin (which has never once contained litter) That way nothing and nobody important gets hurt.

Cursing is good for releasing anger. I don't like to upset people so I have plenty of made up words for that. I also have made up words for other things that don't exist in English (Anyone else find love an inadaquate word. How can you use the same word for 'I love you' and 'I love icecreme'?) Anyway, screaming and yelling good. Screaming and yelling AT anyone bad. Only while alone.

Also I was taught to meditate a few years ago (well initially I thought that, turns out that there are lots of ways to do it and I only know one) which is something that can be very effective. It's somewhat at odds with my other methods but it works just as well for some things. And draws less attention.

'course the best approach is not to get angry in the first place, but I suck at that.

These things work for me, I don't know if they'd work for anyone else. I guess I don't need to know that, fortunately for the world I only have to be the one me.

fuzzy
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Postby fuzzy » Fri Jun 23, 2006 12:08 pm

Buying things to specifically break them- thats a good idea!! I break things a lot too; my striaghteners have taken quite a bashing recently, and thier ghds, too! Greg (and/or anyone else also) do you always have a specific reason for feeling angry, or do you sometimes just feel really annoyed for no reason? I thought that it was an adolesant thing, being moody and p****d off with the world, but I unfortunatley doint seem to have 'grown out' of it. Gah!
Goodbye, and have a pleasant tommorrow!!

I swear to drunk im not God.....

Daniel
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Postby Daniel » Fri Jun 23, 2006 3:21 pm

I find my mood and tolerance to nonsense is related directly to if I've eaten or not. This isn't just me either, as I've been reading Three Men in a Boat recently and the same thing was commented on:

How good one feels when one is full - how satisfied with ourselves and with the world! People who have tried it, tell me that a clear conscience makes you very happy and contented; but a full stomach does the business quite as well, and is cheaper, and more easily obtained. One feels so forgiving and generous after a substantial and well-digested meal - so noble-minded, so kindly-hearted.

It is very strange, this domination of our intellect by our digestive organs. We cannot work, we cannot think, unless our stomach wills so. It dictates to us our emotions, our passions. After eggs and bacon, it says, "Work!" After beefsteak and porter, it says, "Sleep!" After a cup of tea (two spoonsful for each cup, and don't let it stand more than three minutes), it says to the brain, "Now, rise, and show your strength. Be eloquent, and deep, and tender; see, with a clear eye, into Nature and into life; spread your white wings of quivering thought, and soar, a god-like spirit, over the whirling world beneath you, up through long lanes of flaming stars to the gates of eternity!"

After hot muffins, it says, "Be dull and soulless, like a beast of the field - a brainless animal, with listless eye, unlit by any ray of fancy, or of hope, or fear, or love, or life." And after brandy, taken in sufficient quantity, it says, "Now, come, fool, grin and tumble, that your fellow-men may laugh - drivel in folly, and splutter in senseless sounds, and show what a helpless ninny is poor man whose wit and will are drowned, like kittens, side by side, in half an inch of alcohol."

We are but the veriest, sorriest slaves of our stomach. Reach not after morality and righteousness, my friends; watch vigilantly your stomach, and diet it with care and judgment. Then virtue and contentment will come and reign within your heart, unsought by any effort of your own; and you will be a good citizen, a loving husband, and a tender father - a noble, pious man.

Before our supper, Harris and George and I were quarrelsome and snappy and ill-tempered; after our supper, we sat and beamed on one another, and we beamed upon the dog, too. We loved each other, we loved everybody. Harris, in moving about, trod on George's corn. Had this happened before supper, George would have expressed wishes and desires concerning Harris's fate in this world and the next that would have made a thoughtful man shudder.

As it was, he said: "Steady, old man; `ware wheat."

And Harris, instead of merely observing, in his most unpleasant tones, that a fellow could hardly help treading on some bit of George's foot, if he had to move about at all within ten yards of where George was sitting, suggesting that George never ought to come into an ordinary sized boat with feet that length, and advising him to hang them over the side, as he would have done before supper, now said: "Oh, I'm so sorry, old chap; I hope I haven't hurt you."

And George said: "Not at all;" that it was his fault; and Harris said no, it was his.

It was quite pretty to hear them.


I find I'm very much the same. On an empty stomach I get irritable about the tiniest and unimportant of things, whereas when I have a hearty meal inside me I am at peace with the world and in full of enjoyment of the world. My advice - eat plenty!

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Greg
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Postby Greg » Fri Jun 23, 2006 5:46 pm

That wins :D

I can normally trace the thought that triggered my anger, but often the cognitive processes leading up to it are quite erroneous. For example I was meeting some friends for a meal and they were delayed by 30mins. I became extremely angry, because I was drawing conclusions like 'they didn't tell me on purpose' which is pure paranoia (Why do something likt that? Even if they don't like me they still spend the whole meal with me anyway)

However noticing that they are erroneous doesn't make them go away. I spend the first 30mins or that meeting or so really angry. Can't just go break something in a restaurant dontchya know?

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Postby Ruth » Wed Jun 28, 2006 12:50 pm

I'm rubbish at angry - I burst into tears and/or orac. I'd quite like to get cross and shouty. I did once about 12 years ago around my optics final exams, my friends occasionally still mention it!

Diffinate food and rest link for me. If I'm tired and/or hungry I'm much more likely to burst into tears - grown woman crying I ask you!! Belly full of yummy food anda nice sit down (accompanied by a nice pint) I'm a calm and smiley girl!

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Postby david456 » Wed Jul 05, 2006 12:15 am

Anger just isn't in my nature, frustration yes, anger no. I don't like confrontation and I like to resolve things in a rational way. Anger just clouds your judgement leading to rash decisons. These can only be made with a clear head.

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Postby BrainThrust » Wed Jul 05, 2006 11:11 am

While I'm a pacifist and I don't have a problem with anger management, there are rare times when I can get really angry and upset.

I end up punching walls because while i might break something in me, it's quite satistfying to hit something harder than yourself. I can't explain but the release of your arm buckling and fist being in a bit of pain is pretty good. It reminds you anger is silly, satisfies the destructive urge inside you and lets you move on with your life,

Wilf
"A truth that's told with bad intent, beats all the lies you can invent" William Blake

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donnaf
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Postby donnaf » Wed Jul 05, 2006 2:48 pm

I used to be so angry as a teenager, before I knew I was dyspraxic.
I was full of anger and bitterness towards my difficult childhood. Thankfully, I discovered rock music, alcohol, and a nightclub I could call home where noone cared what I looked like or how straight I walked. That really helped dissolve a lot of my anger.
Until I was in my mid 20s....I grew tired of getting drunk, and too old for the nightclub I went to.

Then I discovered I was dyspraxic, and I was angry a lot after that, loads, I started scaring myself to be honest. I realised I hadn't accepted my dyspraxia and that I was feeling a sort of grief. That made my anger easier to handle cos I realised from my past experiences of grief that my anger would eventually go.

These days I'm pretty calm O:)

I'm the kind of person who gets really passionate about stuff I care for or believe in, so now and again I do get wound up, and on a bad dyspraxic day I do too, but I tell myself I cant help feeling that way and that usually is enough to keep it in check.
That and practising guitar....I think some sort of hobby could help other people, whatever it is, something that absorbs you and fills your time, so you don't really have time to think about whatever is making you angry.
I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never ever gonna keep me down :D

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AllenKing
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Re: Anger Management

Postby AllenKing » Wed May 15, 2013 9:58 am

I can suggest you some techniques to handle with anger. I learn these techniques from Anger Management classes .Quick list of ways to cope with anger like Walk away, Exercise, Talk to someone who you are not feeling angry with, Distract yourself, Count 10 breaths, Write about it , Come back and deal with it later when you feel. By follow these techniques you really get some amazing improvement in yourself.

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Re: Anger Management

Postby williamsuk » Sat Jun 08, 2013 10:35 am

I am ashamed to admit that at the age of 40 I lashed out at my mother as a result of her verbally abusing me, and being verbally and physically abusive to my special needs son, who was 7 at the time. Both my parents physically stuck my son, my father slapped him in the face! As a result I don't see them any more. Im lonely with no family though. I'd love to have an adoptive family (at the ripe old age of 43) sali x

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Re: Anger Management

Postby Roxy86 » Wed Jun 12, 2013 9:03 pm

I am sure this sounds ridiculous but I lose my patience with inanimate objects, a lot :S Coat hangers are the worst without a doubt, when clothes fall off?? My electric toothbrush never stands up in the bathroom cupboard and when I lay it down it rolls out and on the floor... Generally when an object won't do 'what I want it to do' just irritates the hell outta me!! :@ I seem to have developed a little 'catchphrase' when things like that happen;
'Don't S*** Me' I don't really know what it means, or where I got it from but I say it under my breath, through gritted teeth often :blush:

Also, repetitive sounds/noises such as; ticking clocks, bird song, whisking/mixing/stirring, car/building alarms?? Grrr!!

My mum though? Now that is something else entirely... I have ALWAYS felt she doesn't understand me, or my Dyspraxia, or know how to cope/deal with me/it. Perhaps she is in denial/trying to turn a blind eye? :( I feel very misunderstood and cannot even bare to be touched by her; if she tries to hug me? I recoil or flinch, every time. It's almost as if I resent her for something, what though I have no idea!! :S I don't mean to, I just do not, in any way, shape or form, feel a bond with her :( Whats' going on there?? :S
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