My coping strategies - what are yours?

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regretsandromance
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Re: My coping strategies - what are yours?

Post by regretsandromance » Thu Feb 17, 2011 10:23 pm

if i ever have to pay for anything, il get the money out first so that i know how much to give, it flusters me to try to count it at the counter, and if i get to the counter and theres noone there il count it agian just to be sure! i pat down my pockets to make sure i have my phone and wallet, sometimes il do it, and then have a mini heart attack two minutes later and check again haha when ever i need my keys i keep the key ring on my finger like a normal ring so i always know where they are.

ejmorris24
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Re: My coping strategies - what are yours?

Post by ejmorris24 » Sat Feb 26, 2011 9:34 pm

Hello, how are you all?

I am new to this website and to be honest i am not entirely sure how this works, but i thought what the heck give it a go. i'm 24 years old and was diagnosed with dyspraxia when i was 11. I am writing here asking for help because although i have got through school, college and university despite the unhelpful comments of a psychologist with the help of my parents and serious pushing on my part i got through. However, i am struggling in finding work, with relationships and handling day to day tasks. i spend a lot of the time feeling angry and frustrated, wanting to be out of the way and cut off, and wanting to be someone else, but then feeling guilty and worse for doing so because i realize im not helping myself. Has anyone got any tips?

thank you

Evasura
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Re: My coping strategies - what are yours?

Post by Evasura » Sat Feb 26, 2011 11:24 pm

When I study: I don't limit myself to what teachers give in class, as I would have rto rely on notes, and that is a nO-NO. Read as much as you can on the topic and the amount that wills tuck in your brain will be p[rob the same amount as the information that teachers would give out and tyouy would get in notes. Plus, you'll get further understanding on the topic that other people who only take notes won='t get.(though some people call me a geek because of that but who cares about that!).
Also, I don't wait for deadlines to be published...I start working on stuff (study or work) as soon as I know what I am working on. That way I can work slowly, get it checked and rechecked and get it ready and perfect for thew deadline.
And I think that's pretty much because I don't think I cope very well with personal life, so no tips for that. It woks for studying and work, though (wqell, let's leave people aside)
Eva in London

agsiul
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Re: My coping strategies - what are yours?

Post by agsiul » Sun Feb 27, 2011 1:46 pm

I agree with what you say about the dead lines. It does mean that you are working all the time but it also means that mentally you are not as stressed out. I do exactly the same thing. It takes me a lot longer than I think to get things together so I have to start far earlier than anyone else. People think I'm really organised but it's because when I get things they way I want I stick to that format and just change it as needs be.

As for personal life. Just go with the flow. I'm not good with relationships because I need lots of space but I have plenty of friends. I'd say find yourself first and then you'll be more confident and won't be manipulated (one of my problems).

Evasura
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Re: My coping strategies - what are yours?

Post by Evasura » Sun Feb 27, 2011 2:54 pm

same here. I do survive though. RE Friends: Not loads of friends, only a few, but very good ones. Not good at keeping in touch with many people at the same time., so I've managed to have 7 good permanent friends and then loads of people who float around but I wouldn't really call friends (acaquaintances? ).
Eva in London

beansontoast
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Re: My coping strategies - what are yours?

Post by beansontoast » Mon Feb 28, 2011 3:24 pm

- Direct Debits are set up for all of my bills, rent, council tax.

- I also use the radio to keep track of there being an outside world. If I don't, I have almost no concept of time passing.

- I plan what I'm doing each day, with a rough idea of times, with wide "margins of error" around things to allow for flexibility, and I put a gap in my head for "events that might change".

- I have keys (right hip pocket), phone (left hip pocket), bus pass (back left pocket) and wallet (back right pocket), and tap all in turn before I leave the house. I used to wear my keys on a bootlace round my neck, but I finally got used to having them on me all the time. I also have spare keys kept at a friend's house, and with my partner, so if I do lock myself out it's not the end of the world.

- I listen to audiobooks / podcasts when I go out so I'm not overwhelmed by external noise and distraction.

- I have a part-time job (three days a week) which lets me rest, and do housework and stuff well spaced out, otherwise I get exhausted and stop coping, and suddenly I seem very Dyspraxic, and my Autistic traits amplify.

- I learned I don't have to do things just because they're "normal". I don't go to the pub, socialise in groups, go to parties etc because the enjoyment gained isn't worth the energy expended. Once I started looking at things in terms of effort put in balanced against pleasure got out I could cut out things that just weren't worth it.

shakey
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Re: My coping strategies - what are yours?

Post by shakey » Tue Apr 17, 2012 7:34 pm

I too have to repeat the "Keys, bag, sunglasses, phone" thing before I go out - though I keep forgetting the dog's lead so have nothing to tie him up outside school with while I take the kids in!

I've tried separate diaries, filofax, but with limited success, I tried for a while to use a separate electronic organiser but kept forgetting to take it with me.

Just before Christmas I invested in a smart phone & it's been brilliant. (I saved up my clubcard vouchers & tesco were having one of their double the value of your vouchers things so managed to get it entirely with the vouchers). I think when I tried it out in the vodaphone shop, the man thought I was "mad" cos I said I didn't want it for the internet etc, i just wanted it as an organiser & phone! But it works brilliantly. I have a calendar on it where I can set reminders for events (just have to make sure I can set the reminder soon enough to actually remind me - I'm not very good at that, but do regularly check it so I haven't missed much recently). I have also got a free notepad from the android market on it so I can make notes about anything I want and I have a task list on it too, again I can set reminders to do the tasks. It means it's one less thing for me to remember to take with me, it's all there together.
I'm getting a bit of 'deja vu' here - so I hope I'm not repeating myself!!!

Have I also mentioned the spreadsheet I print out for each week? It's really useful too, I have columns for the boys, me, kitchen, dinner, washing, house, garden, out & about & miscellaneous and about 5 rows for each day of the week (with the date below cos I can never remember that either). Against each square on the grid I have the things I have to remember to do on that day, eg on Wednesday the boys have school run, choir, Baritone (horn) and Cubs. I have the shopping down on one day, and washing our bedding another. I hope this makes at least a little bit of sense! I've just filled in the different jobs I do on the days I generally do them. I add any appointments for that week & often jot things down when I think I must do ... I cross things out when I've done them - I love being able to cross things off lists! I'm not inflexible about when I actually do the tasks it just is a reminder of what I should be doing for those moments when I end up in a daze and can't remember what needs doing!

Impossipuzzle
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Re: My coping strategies - what are yours?

Post by Impossipuzzle » Tue May 22, 2012 9:01 pm

I'm so pleased to see that other people use the "phone-keys-wallet" mantra (or some variation thereof!) and I fully agree with the original posters "tell the truth" technique.

At the recommendation of my friends I've tried to keep a day planner but alas I always forget to read the wretched thing!

Post-it notes have been very useful for me in the past and I tend to carry them around with me (which can raise a few eyebrows among those not used to dealing with me). By the sounds of it Smart Phones are like a kind of amazing hi-tech electronic post it note. If I wouldn't be so afraid of dropping it I'd be tempted to give one a go.

One thing I have trouble managing is those sudden burst of zealous enthusiasm/energy where your mind dissolves into a confused, hyperactive many-headed hydra utterly incapable of focussing on the issue at hand and insetad tries to think about a bazillion unrelated things at once. Inconveniently enough this always seems to happen when I need to sit down and focus on something important (like revision). Seriously I always have to but new socks after exams because I ruin the old ones skidding across the bedroom carpet (my kingdom for laminate flooring!)....

mrdyspraxia
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Re: My coping strategies - what are yours?

Post by mrdyspraxia » Wed May 23, 2012 8:54 pm

I'd say honesty. I don't keep things built up (mostly...)

Jim
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Re: My coping strategies - what are yours?

Post by Jim » Fri Jun 22, 2012 11:22 am

I see elements of myself in this thread. Ultimately I think my coping strategies are so good that I don't even think about it and to a large extent they mask my difficulties. People are often very surprised when I tell them I have learning difficulties partly because they see me as "normal" and probably because people generally think of far more visible signs of disability like severe autism or downs symdrone when they think of the term learning difficulty, so often coping too well ends up being a disadvantage because people are less inclined to believe you and inevitably you end up up with more pressure and not a lot of understanding by other people.

I don't tend to do diaries because I know I'll never adhere to them and ultimaely for me it's a waste of time, but I do use appointment cards or my phones organiser for important things.

I've a very methodical person, I like going from A to B to C in a very routine way, it means I know where I am and where I'm going. Often outside, i.e at work or in society in general I find that it's difficult to maintain my methodically because social demands get in the way and I find "A to B to C" has somehow warped into "A to F to X with D&S to M via B" or something equally esperatingly random and I find it increasingly stressful especially at work where time demands multitasking.

I can completely relate to double checking things, especially with keys, debit cards etc. I can hardly ever walk away from my car without turning back within 5 seconds to check that I actually locked it, very OCD of me, and constantly patting my pockets to check for keys, wallet phone etc is me all over. I call it passport symdrone, because if I'm going out of the country then I'm checking for my passport relentlessly every couple of minutes until I'm through passport control!

My biggest strategy for coping is always to find myself the space, time and peace to let me think things through. Given those conditions I'm actually quite effective as I pocess a methodical sense of logic. I just wish society was patient enough to let me get on with it without interrupting or interfering #-o
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fuzhi123
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Re: My coping strategies - what are yours?

Post by fuzhi123 » Tue Sep 04, 2012 3:59 pm

One or two tasks is enough
Because of my fear of my own laziness/easily distractedness, I tend to massively overbook myself, so I'll set up like 10 things to do in one day and then beat myself up for failing to get even two or three done. I'm slowwwwly realising that one or two tasks -- by 'tasks' I mean everything from 'buy groceries' to 'visit gallery' -- is usually enough to take up a whole day. I think because of having to invent mad skillz to deal with being a bit behind everyone else, dyspraxics often try to overreach themselves like this, does anyone else relate to that
Last edited by Shadwell on Wed Jan 16, 2013 9:34 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Edited by Shadwell, as user added loads of web-sites to their post and nothing to do with this topic.

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Skifflet
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Re: My coping strategies - what are yours?

Post by Skifflet » Mon Oct 08, 2012 5:19 pm

I do the same thing with keeping all my useful little objects in the same places- like phone, purse, keys.

I plan out what I have to do for the day in my diary, working out in the morning or the night before details like how long it might take to get somewhere, how I’m getting there, when I'd have to leave one place to get to another, what I need to take with me for each event. Planning bigger things like going to a festival for the weekend takes a hell of a lot longer and is a hell of a lot more stressful.

My sense of direction is ridiculous. I've lived in the same city since I was 2 but I still print off Google maps or draw the routes on my arm if I don't trust myself 100% that I know where I'm going.

I find it hard to make decisions and organise my thoughts. I write lists a lot (sometimes I'll even draw up a table in MS Excell) to help me figure out each piece of information and how they factor in to the bigger picture.

Phone calls can be very stressful for me. I sometimes plan out what I want to say and write it before I make the call, and I always write down what I get told. Otherwise, I get stressed out and lost and don’t know what order to say things in, or I forget to mention crucial information like my own name.

I keep a wee notebook and pen in my bag so I can write down anything I’ll need to remember.

I find I'm less clumsy if I'm wearing flexible, thin-soled shoes rather than bulky trainers or stiff shoes, so I keep things like that in mind when shopping or getting dressed.

Since getting diagnosed, I can also add: learning to forgive myself when things go wrong. Like others have said, some seemingly simple things really are harder for us, and struggling is a sign of dyspraxia rather than a sign that we’re lazy, not trying hard enough or too stupid. (This is a great thread by the way, it’s great seeing other people’s routines and tricks)

foundit
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Re: My coping strategies - what are yours?

Post by foundit » Tue Jan 15, 2013 10:12 pm

Great ideas! :)

I have a zipper pouch wallet that has a key ring on it, and is big enough to hold my cell phone. I hang it on the hook when I enter the house. If I lose it, I just have to call my cell phone to find my keys and wallet too!

I am a nurse and I have a "nurse utility apron" otherwise known as a fanny pack with lots of pockets. :blush: I keep everything in that pouch that I might ever need. So, if I'm taking some labwork I already have the antiseptic wipe, the saline flush, the special black marker and the little cap for the IV tubing in my pack. And guess what? Although it looks kinda geeky, guess who the other nurses call out to if they forget something and they are in a room??

I apologize in advance to my patients and their parents (I am a night nurse) by saying "I'm sorry Grace is not my middle name and I will try to be quiet, but I also keep it dark to help you sleep. I may stub my toe on your bed or the cart. I will use a flashlight to check your IV and do my work, but it's hard to work in the dark." They appreciate that and it makes me look more human and less intimidating. Some nurses can be very intimidating.

Ever since I hit my 30's I have an attitude of "I am who I am. I don't try to pretend to be anyone different. Take me or leave me, your choice."

I have a shelf that 's just for my purse and work stuff. I attach my name badge to the work bag as soon as I get out of the parking garage. I have my fanny pack in the bag, and my coat stuck through the handles. Guess who never forgets her badge, unlike some of the other nurses? :banana:

When calling a doctor we have something called SBAR that we follow. Situation, Background, Assessment, Recommendation. So something like this: Dr. X I am calling about John Smith in Room 6. He came in with pneumonia two days ago. I noticed he has not urinated for several hours, he is refusing to drink, and I think he's running a little bit dry. Do you think he might need some IV fluids? Since becoming a nurse I have used this formula for most every phone call and it takes a lot of the anxiety away. I plan out what I saw before I call.

I keep detailed cleaning lists posted behind the doors of all the rooms in the house. Not only does this keep me on track, it also helps the kids and hubby do a good job when it's their turns to clean.

I have wheeled clothing rack with hangers on it. When I do a load of laundry, I immediately hang up the clothes that don't need to be ironed, straight from the dryer. I fold the ones that do need to be ironed over the top of the rack. I iron them all at once while watching a good TV show. I hang pants and shorts on hangers, never in drawers, so I can see what is clean. When it's time to run out of the house or go to work it's easy and time efficient. (And yes I am a busy working mom but I find the time to watch my TV and iron). My husband on the other hand struggles in the morning by finding his belt, matching socks, and then frantically irons a shirt and pants while running late.

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Re: My coping strategies - what are yours?

Post by Willr0490 » Thu Jan 17, 2013 3:30 pm

All my utility bills, e.g. electricity, council tax and TV licence are on direct debits.
I have a diary which I jot down appointments.
I also put some appointments onto my phone.
Before I go to bed I check my flat to make sure that the front door is locked.
When I am about to get off a bus or a train, I check the seat to make sure that I haven't left anything.

Jim
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Re: My coping strategies - what are yours?

Post by Jim » Fri Jan 18, 2013 4:10 pm

foundit wrote:Ever since I hit my 30's I have an attitude of "I am who I am. I don't try to pretend to be anyone different. Take me or leave me, your choice."
That's spot on and makes perfect sense.

It isn't always easy to follow through with that though. I've always been a bit detached from society and have always been my own person and resistant to peer pressure I do find it difficult to put myself first especially when at work.

I'm too much of a team player and I simply can not leave something undone. This often results in my overloading myself and putting the interests of others above me to the point of my own detriment. I'll miss eating, drinking to get something done, I'll cover someome else whilst doing my own stuff (with no return favour). It's got to the point that I'm throughly worn out by it all and feeling like a bit of a door mat for other people. Lately i've got that so worn out and stressed that I'm sick to the back of it.

The challenge is to stay "stop, no more". And I'm working on that, but it isn't always easy to follow through. Yet there are some people (mainly work colleagues) up for some rude awakenings. I've resolved to stop accepting being inconvenienced by other people's inconsiderateness and to start pushing forwards the rights of myself for once.

If there is one thing I know... If you present yourself as a doormat then people will wipe their feet on you.
Jim is back ... Jim is J i m and J i m is Jim.

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