Disability Resources

[Little Miss Anxious]

hello

I am a 27 year old Arts student and am having personal issues with a likeable, well-qualified, strongly recommended educational support worker.

I received the following emails from her:

Dear Amy,
I am sending this simply to make things clear, and I do expect an unqualified apology. I said to you by email, and then in person that I needed the book straight back. I asked you in that cafe would you do this, and you assured me that you would.
I do not have to explain my circumstances or commitments to you, especially when I am working in my own time. It should have been sufficient that I said to you, and clearly, when I needed to leave. That was enough.
What particularly annoyed me was being told at 4.25pm, after waiting in the cold and rain for 25 minutes that you were 'very near', and would come straight away. This was clearly not true, and I fail to understand why you felt the need to lie; a lie incidentally that caused me not only to stand for another 25 minutes, but to miss an appointment and my bus home.
I detest qualified apologies. Really these indicate that the person 'apologising' is actually NOT sorry at all, but is merely attempting to excuse their bad behaviour.
I am not supposed to stand for long periods, and like any other person I would rather not do so in foul weather.
You should have A: done exactly as you were asked to do. or B: said that this wasn't possible, although given that the lecture finished at 3.50pm, it was more than possible. or C: at least told me the truth at 4.25pm when I PHONED YOU.
I gave you my number because I was teaching. It would be obvious to anyone that while doing so I would NOT have access to emails; emails incidentally that stated that you would be there shortly after 3.50pm
You put whatever your own needs were first, and this when I had gone out of my way to do you a kindness; by lending you a book of my own.
I also spent hours typing up and sending notes for that essay - again, in my OWN time.
I believe strongly in treating others as one would wish to be treated oneself, so ask yourself not only how you would have felt being forced to stand in the cold and rain for that length of time, being told untruths, but also by being treated as less than equal.
I have always turned up on time for and kept to any arrangements we have made. Arrangements and promises are contracts made between people, so if each party claims to understand and agree to them, they are binding. It is unfair to break arrangements, especially when the other party involved not only has done you a favour, but also suffers because of it.
I am a busy person, and I also have a physical disability - one that prevents me from running, for buses or otherwise, and causes me a great deal of pain.
Other than this, which I suggest you consider and reflect on rather than becoming defensive and making excuses…'I thought your bus went from the uni.' or 'I thought you were staying around', neither of which was stated to you by me, but emerged from your imagination, a self-centred attitude, and your own needs, not mine, I will stick to the other less personal arrangements made.
Send the Soc & Pol essay when you have a draft written, it shouldn't take long; you have comprehensive notes and references from me, and I will read and advise accordingly.
I would also suggest, yet again, that you direct your attention to the English Essays.
I have given at least 10 hours to you so far, but will help with these, as this was what I said I would do, and anything other than this was done in my own time; something you really should appreciate.
Hazel

Dear Amy,
I understand that, but can't understand why you told me when I rang you that you were very close by and would come straight there, never mind that you knew to come there anyway.
You clearly know enough to be at lectures etc at the time you are supposed to be there, and had emailed to say that you had finished with the book.
However, that is finished with, and in future I will know not to make arrangements with you that could leave me in a position that has an adverse effect on me, my health or my well-being.
I give you simple instructions because I know that you have difficulties however, I also know that YOU KNOW you have these, and could, if you choose to, set reminders or refer to emails etc
Sometimes we choose to hide behind behind things or difficulties rather than look at what we might do to overcome them.
Anyway, how is the essay going?
Do send on what you have so far, and I will also have to meet you before the end of semester to have the Disability Form signed. I am in this Monday and next Monday, but other than that, I don't at this point know when or if I'll be in.
Hazel





I felt really bad when I realised I didn't know where she was and when I delayed the book and forget it in the photocopying room which was worse. I really do care about people and its complicated but my brain can cause confusion, memory loss and make me walk the wrong away or do the wrong thing for example working on the wrong topic or eating inside of going into the library then I can get really indecisive am greatly under the clock and have to force myself to make a decision so I make the decision, whether it be wrong right but I think it is right so I make it. When people get hurt I get hurt and I don't hurt people intentionally. I hung up on a kinda male friend of mine coz I was really late for tennis class and could only focus on the acitvity of tennis and the location so everything else I wasn't aware of and my battery was really low so I said thanks I found it ya ya ya gotta go but he asked me a question and I kept saying have to go because that was the only concern and words on mind and then I hung up coz felt I would be more late if I gave him any more info about my day or about tennis which he was asking me about and I recall being later for a date, very late, which i didn't want to tell him about coz he gets soo nosey and can tell my family even when he doesn't want to or mean to. Anywhere when I hung up, he text me saying "that was f........ rude! This is just an example of how my brain works. If I do get cut on the phone. of or don't respond to his message within a day or couple of days, he immediately gets paranoid and if I tell him what am up to, he asks more questions, and if he finds out am meeting someone he gets so protective as in who is he and what's his car and don't do this etc. If I say I am busy he asks doing what and can't expect the fact that I don't want to tell him and get's cranky. Once I told him who I was meeting and where and we both agreed to keep it a secret until he let it to slip to my Mum that I was on the bus, when she was wondering where I was when I said I was at my friends house in sligo town. then Mum texts me saying you don't care about your sisters etc.

Sometimes when he jokes he jokes about things which he knows I am up to and in way that is an other way of him letting my confidential chats with him slip.

Thanks for listening.


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