college issues

[Little Miss Anxious]

Hey I am 24 and from the republic of Ireland.

I haven't been diagnosed yet but my educational and clinical psychologist says I have a motor delay and Dyspraxic tendencies.

I am currently on a university access program which is entry to university, to give you foundation level on each topic that would be studied at 3rd level in college or university but we have to do Study skills, Career Educational Guidance and Applied writing on the course.

I feel very indecisive.

I have been in special school from 8-18 due to slow learning and have not really any knowledge of science or maths past Fetac level 3 which only goes as far as angles.

Not having enough knowledge has caused me to be unaware of: vitimins, illnesses, the way our world works and what we and the world are made of and where we came from and what our purpose is and how our body functions and the role the brain or mind has on our body and that there is a consciousness and subconsciousness and that we are atoms and electrons which is energy and there is no acception to that and energy cannot be destroyed so what happens our energy then when we die if energy cannot be destroyed? There are so many theories.

Anyway, my study skills lecturer feels that I should do the Arts course because having Dyspraxia may go against me when doing science she said and others may make fun of me or something. Anway, I have already missed 2 classes of Maths. She also wants me to do Economics other than the Junior cert Maths.

I would like to have proper maths and science as a qualification so that I can judge myself between creationism, religion and science and spirituality. I am very curious. When my study skills lecture-er said that having Dyspraxia could go against me, I was thinking "I can never do science because of my disability and that thought really brought me down and my confidence has gone down a bit because of that and now I feel like I have no choice, what can I do that is important to me, what can I do that matters in this world instead of just teaching or counciling? I have lost hope and am now really indecisive because | am also a christian and believe that when I die, what I have career I have done or what achievements I have made won't matter when I die and am judged by Jesus. So should I not spend my life trying to know more about Jesus, the past and afterlife???

I failed in my essay Is capital punishment ever justified and I had to say sometimes it is justified but I went way over the 1000 word count and have to repeat that as well as doing The Effects of Global warming. The essay that I must repeat has to be handed in the week after this week but there is no one to one support or resource teacher in the college I am in.

I am struggling with:

organising my folder
understanding questions and instructions
understanding what I am supposed to do
understanding what I need
taking down notes in a lecture in time
keeping up with the lecture=er
keeping to the point
coming up to a conclusion on what is mentioned in a lecture-er
saying what skills I have developed or learned
what method of learning I have used etc.
answering questions in time in a lecture-er
understanding numbers in ecconomics
understanding what is relevant and unrelevant.

I feel like I am gonna fail the whole course.

I am expected to write out an action plan and do a 2minute presentation on it and write out a summary of my self essessments which is used to match me to my ideal career. I must hand all this in by this Saturday and give the 2 minute presentation this Saturday as well as work on my journal which I just passsed on effort and my two essays and summarisation of an exercise in Applied writing and complete all my exercises in Study skills.

The study skills lecture-er spent time with me one for an hour and once for 15 minutes but she is really busy and whenever I try to express my feelings about the course topics, students in my class, and my aspirations etc she just says that is ok or just changes the subject or ignores me. I am trying to inform her about my indecisiveness, what is important to me in life and that I am struggling with keeping up and understanding certain things in Study skills and applied writing.

I feel like I am going to fail the course just because of difficulties and barriers I am facing. Failing it on small flaws is stupid. She did show me how to organise my work but that is not my main problem.

When it comes to my essay I am having difficulties with structure, organisation, getting relevant information, understanding what a person is actually saying by reading their views online in an article or book, understanding what information is important from what is non - important and what is needed from what should be left behind while staying within 1000 words only and have proper structure references.

When somebody who is viewing their opinion says I disagree or disaprrove etc, I know the disagree so that is enough for me but if they use the words "but," "however" or "although" etc, then I don't know whether they disagree or agree, are saying yes or no, are saying maybe or they are unsure and there are certain long words or certain types of words such as for example treason etc ,which can be mentioned in a text depending on the conversation topic which I don't understand the meaning of so that makes making a judgement on whether the person agrees or not very challenging. Also the Applied writing lecture-er uses the word "incoherance" what does that mean? he said that the essay must be incoherant.

I am uncertain what I should do after this course and whether or not I have made the right decision doing the course in my local town and the subjects I have chosen which the Study skills lecture-er suggested to me.

I have been told by a Social worker that the Social work department or Social welfare say that I am not entitled to a social worker or a pa worker something because my disability is not serious enough. I know and have been told that everybody from special school and the national learning network centre I once attended, has a.... worker or a social worker and that I should have one as well.

My name is not put on the housing list because the housing council said that there is household accommodation available to me. So that means I can't get rent allowance.

I don't want to go back home because of problems with my older sister, not being able to eat properly because my family give plates and saucepans for the dog to lick from and don't wash it properly and as a result the dog is too fat but my family say it is because she doesn't get enough exercise, which to me is bull crap because a veternary nurse said to me that a dog must only have dog food and the dog food must contain nutrients and vege as well as exercise.

You see I used to bring the dog for a walk for 30minutes every day for months and there were also times when she would get 2 walks per day. My family always fed her unsaturated fat, butter, chocolate and crisps, bones and maybe even sauces such as mayonaise etc which they did every day for months and they wonder why she is soo fat. I strongly dislike any scent of urine on the hands, fingers in glasses and mugs, dogs tongue on our dishes, fingers along the top of untensils and maybe plates etc. You said that you use your hands the wash dishes anyway, but that is a lie. I say wash your hands really well and thoroughly before washing dishes and only use a cloth or sponge to wash the dishes and if you can use gloves and always use warm enough water and washing up liquid. They also are too nosey about my personal life including my social life and want to know all and are very judgmental, critical and like to label people calling them sluts etc which is disgraceful.

Help me please...........

Thank you fo listening
WB
:)

[Little Miss Anxious]

Its a big story................!

It is a big story but regardless of that. What do I do about this.....