Coping strategies no longer working

[Icandoit]

Hi. I was diagnosed 5 yrs ago following a screening sweep which was carried out as ‘routine’ in the FE institution when I started a PGCE. Following an assessment with an educational psychologist I was told I was dyspraxic. It came as something of a surprise, as this was just ‘me’. Nicknamed ‘fairy elephant’ by my father, 6 months practice with my mother to catch and throw a ball 8 times for a Brownie badge, completely unable to ‘dance around the handbags’ even when drunk, permanent bruises on my thighs from walking into tables. But a phobic desire to be organised – boxes and files for everything. Endless plans (which I spend hours making, but then forget I have made). And worst of all ‘scrambled eggs’ in my head which had resulted in average O levels and failed A levels.
As a mature student I had previously done a BSc and MSc using strategies that I thought were ‘normal’. Normal strategies for me means I read everything I possibly can, working under the assumption that if I read enough something is sure to stick. I write endless notes. I try to understand, to make sense of it. This generally means 3-4 hrs work in the evening after finishing work. I am lucky in that I can ‘write’ academic assignments, so apart from me knowing the time and effort I have to put in no one is any the wiser – I never gave half finished things in for comment, only the finished ‘perfect’ article. So I passed my degrees – but can’t actually remember what I did, let alone what I learnt in any of them. But I have the piece of paper. I did try teaching – but was unable to cope with preparing my teaching sessions, never getting to the stage where I felt properly prepared so the anxiety was just too great.
Anyway, I am in full time work and 6 months in to a 6yr part time PhD. The University and my supervisors know I am dyspraxic. But I am currently in serious trouble and need advice. My previous strategies are just not working. I can’t read enough. I am really struggling to understand what I am reading. My biggest problem is I am suddenly having to talk about what I am reading and thinking in monthly academic supervision, and I can’t. I have my notes, but when I am asked a question or to explain something or asked to discuss something I am blank – there is nothing there. It isn’t that I freeze, it is just that the scrambled eggs are still scrambled and I cannot make any sort of order out of them. This has got so bad that in my supervisor’s report in preparation for my first assessment in 6 weeks they have said that this is getting in the way of my academic progress, and if I can’t sort it out they will stop my progression. Added to that they are frustrated+++ with me and my endless ‘panics’ and anxieties etc etc. The easy option is give up – but I don’t want to. For the first time I am doing something simply because I want to do it rather than because I need the piece of paper.
So does anyone have any strategies to help me ‘engage in critical dialogue’, and any suggestions of new strategies that I can try to see if they will help get me in control of this?

[NobodyElseWill]

@Icandoit. well done firstly doing a degree, msc and pgce and phd that's really impressive with Dyspraxia. the best the best thing you can do grab a sheet of a4 and pencil and sketch/draw/write what's gotta be done you can be a scruffy as you like and it doesn't matter if you spelt everything wrong, the grammar etc just let it flow and then decide on whats important first and label in one cateogory as urgent and this follow it till everything is sorted out then simply transfer everything on to calendar like you have on yahoo/hotmail/outlook etc.
Then get into the habit of writing the aims and objectives.
As for reading at supervision always bring pre prepared notes and of course a notebook and pencil to jot down anything you want to bring up or think of at the top of head. Also carrying a notepad also helps with memory. I simply tick off what i have done on the notepad and it helps and anything else that needs to be done i put it on my outlook calendar as tasks list. i also send myself emails with reminders as well.

[Icandoit]

Thanks for this - I will certainly try the aims and objectives bit as although I often make lists of what I need to do I never get as far as how I'm going to do it.
The supervision is still an issue though as its not about having the notes, I have loads of those. And I record the supervision so I don't have to take notes of what is said. But it is the talking about what I have written. I seem to be unable to get it from the written notes into my head and enough a part of me so that I can meaningfully enter into 'discussion' about it. Any ideas on getting stuff to stick meaningfully into memory so it can be recalled and used when necessary?

[Osymandus]

Hi welcome to teh club . I was also like that cramming and reading , and the moments of going blank were many (espically when working where i could understand complicated aspects yet teh "basics" would alwasy allude me !!)

SO i took a plunge i free form improvise ... but also i found these http://www.livescribe.com/en-us/smartpen/
Two inspirations Robin Williams and Eddie Izzard . Both Dyslexics and Dyspraxic . Jimmy Carr Dyslexic .
Have a look at how they deliver lines etc.


Almost as if they we're made for us poor memory lack of organized underdeveloped Thalamus people.
Ive not got my degree yet or Hd . But knowing a few Dr and people that have im kind of surprised that the board is being a little hard on you . They must be aware of the issue , and should be helping more to bring out what your are doing in teh way that works for you ? Being Phd's themselves you would have though they would know its not the method of expression but its product that is important (if they disagree point them to our Neurological differentiated hero's like Albert Enstien )

[NobodyElseWill]

Carry a reporters/journalists notebook with you it may help and then read from the notebook it always works for me. Also if you ever find writing a struggle like i sometimes do i get hold of specially adapted pen like this one i got from whsmiths

http://www.whsmith.co.uk/CatalogAndSear ... D=31177962

I recommend this pen to everyone.

[Icandoit]

Thansk very much for all the support and advice. I will investigate the smart pen I think as that may help with linking recording to notes. I have not heard of free form improvise, and went looking at web sites etc but no luck. What exactly do you mean?

[Osymandus]

Its what improvisation is , Eddie Izzard Paul Merton etc what some stand up comics can do . AS we think normally in a none linear manner practice just letting trains of though come through and saying them out loud, rifting.

give it a try it might work.

[Icandoit]

Dear All,
I thought I would just update this post to let you all know how I was progressing after your suggestions and support when I was at my wits end.
Since my last post I have passed my assessment and successfully engaged in critical dialogue in my supervision!
How did I do it? I had arranged to meet up with someone to talk about/get advice on my proposed methodology, and when I asked if there was anything more I should do to prepare for this she suggested I 'paint' my methodology. Sounds odd, but I gave it a go. And it worked! I found that by using the pictures I painted I was able to 'see' my methodology - and seeing it meant I could talk about it without the pressure of trying to 'remember' everything I had written.
I then converted my paintings into diagrams (looked slightly more professional) and was able to use these as the foundation for my supervision and then for the presentation in the assessment.
Although I wasn't perfect and the methodology still needs some further work, it was enough to break the downward spiral I had got myself into. I now have something to hang everything else onto, which is helping it to make sense, and helping me to talk about it.
So thanks so much for the support - it helps to feel you are not alone struggling with a disorganised brain. And I hope my experience will help someone else.

[Osymandus]

Fantastic and a brilliant idea !

[sanabitur_anima]

Tht's great news.

[NobodyElseWill]

also ask your manager if you tape record coversations and then you catch up as well it works i have tried it once for college and it really helped. of course i haven't tried at work yet but if you find that you remember what's been said after the meeting etc (reflection notes) it will work.