confused and frightend

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Bettybig123
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Joined: Sun Mar 14, 2021 5:39 pm

confused and frightend

Post by Bettybig123 »

hi my name is Catherine i am a single mother ,my son is 15 and i have just turned 45 years old i have dyslexia and dyspraxia as well as motion sickness . i only found out about my double dd status 12 aug 2020 . I have had this all my life and am only now coming to terms with how much it has affected my life . im angry, sad , frightened ,guilty and feel so much shame. even though i didn't know what was happen to me for most of my young life i always knew there was something wrong or different that i didn't understand . i did well at school and learning used to be quite easy but over the years i have become confused . i don't have any friends and although i am an out going person i don't socialise alot , i am afaid that if i let anyone close they wont understand me who i am . my parents and siblings don't understand none of them have any challenges like myself and i have been ridiculed ,humiliated , and made to look and feel bad about myself for many years all by the people i love the most .

in feb 2020 i enrolled at london met university studying business management i felt confident that i could handle it i was doing ok handing in assignments ,attending lectures then the pandemic hit . and the world shifted balancing survival , child rearing , mental health , family , has made this even more frustrating .since i completed the first half of my course i haven't had any contact with them when i was at uni i made sure i knew where to get help with any issues i was having . as typing is difficult for me i need face to face contact or i don't understand what i am doing and get confused or forget information . my problem at the moment is my university has sent me an email saying i have low engagement but i don't know what my options were and haven't had anyone tell me . i have asked them to call as it is easier to explain . im frightened that they will blame /shame me and i feel sick and feel stupid for not knowing what to do and who to talk to .
Tom fod
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Joined: Thu May 12, 2011 9:05 pm
Location: SW UK

Re: confused and frightend

Post by Tom fod »

Hi Catherine

Welcome so sorry not to be welcoming you in better circumstances, but that is so often the case. I found this Forum myself when I was trying to make sense of my Dyspraxia ten years ago. This Forum really helped

So in terms of ' low engagement' do they mean not not checking in with your tutor as frequently as is expected or not engaging in Video debates and/or lectures on Zoom or MS Teams?

If you haven't already I would suggest you contact/make an appointment with London Met to speak to someone from their Support Services / Disability and Dyslexia Service Team
https://hml.londonmet.ac.uk/Browse/Category/10993

While we\re intelligent the scatterbrain effect really does have a horrible habit of eroding or destroying our confidence in ourselves and the shame we feel and/or that others load upon us really makes for a sh*t sandwich. Picking up and making sense of tasks is often difficult as is knowing where to start as we often see the bigger picture but won't necessarily know where to start or how to approach a task and of course panic sets in. We also have long memories so if we've been shamed before that will haunt and often paralyse us.

Please feel free to ask anything. Also please check out. http://www.dyspraxicadults.org.uk/forum ... c924042379
Tom
Moderator/Administrator

With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)
Bettybig123
New member - welcome them!
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Mar 14, 2021 5:39 pm

Re: confused and frightend

Post by Bettybig123 »

Thank you for responding to me . i have no one to ask no one to understand the frustration ,anger ,shame , guilt i have been feeling
i have contacted them and asked them to call me so i can tell them verbally.
the low engagement is because i don't know what classes i am meant to be attending my cousin asked me if i had picked my modules i had no clue of what she was talking about as no one had said anything to me from the university .

i feel traped ,with feelings i cant explain memories i cant escape of conversations playing in my head on a constant loop all this and my child may have this too and i don't know how to get him tested what it coasts , he is 15 and everything is so much i don't know where to start .


so hopefully i get to ask them .
Tom fod
Administrator
Posts: 2477
Joined: Thu May 12, 2011 9:05 pm
Location: SW UK

Re: confused and frightend

Post by Tom fod »

Hi again Catherine

Sounds like you're in overload. Quite common and been / go there myself.

Other peoples' ways and systems can seem alien at times especially when brain fog sets in due to hitting point of overload. I'm juggling 3 roles a week at the moment at home and in office so v much looking forward to Fri and next week when I have time off.

Presumably there must have been an email about where to find a programme of online lectures to attend between dissertations etc.

Worth noting this as one of your key points when they call you.


In regard your son. Have his teachers/school expressed concerns suggested any kind of intervention as far as EHCP or Statementing? Sadly often school says ask GP and GPsays ask school. I would suggest emphasis shd be placed in pursuing school with polite but dogged persistence!

I left Full Time Education in 93
Tom
Moderator/Administrator

With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)
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