I am often accused of having no tact, and yes quite frequently I only seem to open my mouth to swap feet.
Does anyone else suffer with this problem and have an embarassing type moment where as soon as you said it you thought "Oh My God, what have I just said?"
I mean I don't intentionally set out to offend people completely the opposite but some of the things I come out with just seem to come out and never quite how I mean them
The people who know me well, know that I don't mean things the way they come out, but I find strangers often get the wrong impression of me.
I don't seem to have that problem these days but then i am very old and have probablly said all the wrong things in all the wrong situations evough over the years for the weight of embarassment to keep me silent !!
About 4 years ago I said to a friend who's dad is a vicar and who was herself very religious '' Going to church it's just not normal is it'' Oh the shame!! And that's not even what I think. I felt sick a s soon as I'd said it! So I guess the peaks of my indiscreasion are burnt into my memory.
I do have a problem with people thinking I'm being sarcastic, espashially when I'm trying to be nice.
Maybe by the time I'm 40 I'll have got the hang of that one. i tell you I'm going to be the most together 80 year old!!
hi pooky, i have my tactless moments as well and i'm 44 so i don't have any excuses. thou i will say that they happen mostly when i am feeling a little anxious and unsure of myself. however, i guess they are getting less frequent, when i think about it.
Up until a few months ago, I thought that "having a bun in the oven" merely meant I was overheating/hot/etc.
I now cringe when I think of all the times I've said to ex-boyfriends "oo, I've got a bun in the oven!" then taken a jumper off.
I worked in sales ( phones4u ) for a very very small amount of time and I never seemed to sound bad when the customer failed the credit check but it always seemed to come out bad. Every time.
Agh, it's very difficult answering phones, so I don't blame you.
I am very tactless. I tend to disgust people. People hate hearing about bog bodies and stuff like that at meals, but sometimes I end up talking about that.
I can be tactless, but more due to bad-wording than anything.
If I voice my dislike of anything I'm doing to any of my friends, they all start convincing me to stay at it and not give up, and its like "wtf?! I said nothing about giving anything up!". This happens a real lot too. I also come across as being forward, aggressive, negative, secluded and all sorts of other things. Amazing the kind of trouble its got me into! Sick to death of it.
I have little tact. I offend people without knowing how what I said offended them. One moment you’re joking and having fun than sudden I crossed some invisible line and said something to upset them. Then they won't talk to me and I don't what I did and if you ask them about it they are just like: "you know what you did. Stop pretending you don't". This upsets me.
I don't understand other people at all or these invisible lines that every else can see but me.
I'm also accused of being self-centered and only think myself and my problems. Well I'm sorry if my narcissism blinds me from seeing how my Depression, Anxiety, agoraphobia and seriously ill sister is far less important then a little fight someone had with their boyfriend even though I already know they will make up and act like nothing happened or break up and hook up with different people the next day.
I know I may not sound like it from this post so far but I'm a pretty nice person and I try my hardest to understand people and listen and help them when I can I just don't always know what to do or say and I appear uncaring or like I'm faking caring.
"I suppose society is wonderfully delightful. To be in it is merely a bore. But to be out of it simply a tragedy."
the play: A Woman of No Importance by Oscar Wilde
You sound like a perfectly reasonable person to me. It sounds like you've got plenty on your plate, whereas your friends just need to get in control of their hormones and it should be them who need to understand you a bit better not the other way round.
I've learnt to become very careful in what I say and in trying to gauge the mood of the other person, although I think I am largely too cautious and end up saying nothing. I've also had situations where I'm trying to say something fun or whatever and somehow and comes out wrong and ends up potentially offending someone. I know what I mean, but between my brain and my mouth it all goes a bit wrong!
I know just what you mean Bear about it being difficult to know what to say to a friend with a problem. That can be problematic as silence can be misinterpreted for being disinterested, when it reality it's just that your brain isn't coming up with anything useful to offer, and you probably don't think to come out with the usual wishy-washy words of reassurance that most people would say as you're concentrating fully on saying something truly productive. That's certainly been my experience.
nice one daniel that last paragraph hit the nail on the head for me. i'm always at a quandery in certain situations and it is because i hate some of those crass things that people usualy come out with. it always seem's to me that i think of the most perfect thing to say after the event and feel frustrated. i think that for me it sometimes takes a bit longer for me to see the wood from the trees.
i just want to say to you Bear that you come off like a realy nice person and sometimes it might seem like some people don't appreciate you. i've been in similiar situations and i've had to learn that what people might think is not my lookout. if they can't appreciate you, than its their misfortune and loss, not yours.
Bear_ate_my_coffee wrote:I have little tact. I offend people without knowing how what I said offended them. One moment you’re joking and having fun than sudden I crossed some invisible line and said something to upset them. Then they won't talk to me and I don't what I did and if you ask them about it they are just like: "you know what you did. Stop pretending you don't". This upsets me.
I don't understand other people at all or these invisible lines that every else can see but me.
I'm also accused of being self-centered and only think myself and my problems. Well I'm sorry if my narcissism blinds me from seeing how my Depression, Anxiety, agoraphobia and seriously ill sister is far less important then a little fight someone had with their boyfriend even though I already know they will make up and act like nothing happened or break up and hook up with different people the next day.
I know I may not sound like it from this post so far but I'm a pretty nice person and I try my hardest to understand people and listen and help them when I can I just don't always know what to do or say and I appear uncaring or like I'm faking caring.
I know what you mean sometimes dude. It has happened to me too, but i've managed to claw my dignity back somehow. But recently there was a girl I worked with (She just left where I work) who asked me why I tend to be occasionally forgetful, clumsy or garble words, I explained my Dyspraxia to her and she told me that it's not a "true affliction", "you're just clumsy". I at first took it with a pinch of salt, then a couple of weeks later, I was having one of my dyspraxia induced dances with depression, and just wanted 5 minutes alone to listen to a song or do something to unwind, natually working for Tesco, this won't happen. So I wound up getting more frustrated nd closed off to other people and customers.
The next night I get a message from this girl asking why I've "been acting like a total twat at work". I explained it to her and she told me that it doesn't give me the right to be closed off and that I should grow up. I told her to do some actual RESEARCH of dyspraxia before considering speaking to me again. Two weeks later I got an apology. Another two weeks later she handed her notice in, and i personally know why she's left and it has absolutely NOTHING to do with me and another member of staff blamed me tonight.
Sounds like a bit of an uphill stuggle there, mate. However I suspect it's just a bit of a bad spot where a lot of negative things feel as if they're coming together simultaneously and give it a bit of time it'll pass and you'll feel more on top of everything.
For the record it sounds as if this former work colleague was pretty thoughtless with her comments on two occasions; both in reference to your dyspraxia and that people can have off-days, not least when dyspraxia, depression and other factors are in play.
Hopefully you've been able to explain whatever the situation is to the current work colleague who reckons you're somehow complicit in this girl leaving.
I have a solution and that solution involves fire.
In more practical solutions there's the medatative mindset that makes it possible to reason with people right up until the point they get violent and attack - most people will become educated before that point. For everyone else there's running away.
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