I have been making an effort to try and get out to meet new people. I have been going to services at the Jewish Community centre and Shabbos meals at the Rabbis house.
First week there were a few people, but the second week there were loads of people. I found even in the first week I was getting myself in a flap, but the second week was a lot worse. I just don't work well with big groups.
I find it easier on a one to one basis, but even then I find it hard relating to most people. They feel completely alien to me. I have no tact and manage to offend people without even realising it. All the subtle social cues just bypass me, and people get annoyed because I take things too literally.
How do you all cope with other people in groups and in general?
Hmmm I tend to not deal with groups...... I'll put up with them, but they unbalance me a tad. Shockingly enough, i used to be able to 'manage' much larger groups than I do now. Now anything over about 20 people is too many people and its like stress out central.
I adopted a way of living, if people can't handle my lack of tact, my missing of all the subtle cues and otherwise then too bad. I mean, I do TRY to keep it all under control, but it never really works.... I'll be fine for maybe an hour or so then I'll make some blunder or other and everyone gives me odd looks...
One on one is by far my preferred method for socialising. I have actually found that my lack of tact can be useful, my two best friends always come to me when they want a brutally honest opinion on something - So it can have its advantages, however small they may be...
Really when I have to deal with groups of people I just try my best, and DON'T apologise for my occasional mishap, I've found if I do that I end up having to sit round explaining for the next half hour...
I've found in the past the lack of eye contact has made people hostile towards me, that they think I'm not listening to them or being rude. Luckily the people I am friends with at uni aren't bothered by it, or they haven't mentioned it anyway.
You see if it is on a course where I am not really expected to perform like you seem to have to in a pub or a club then people certainly don't have a problem with me and see me as just another person in thr group.
But if it IS in a club or a pub where theirs rules you need to adhere to if people are accept you as someone in their "personal space" then I think I would struggle badly through not knowing how best to approach a person, what mannerisms you best need to adopt, how best you should look at that person and what things are best to say.
Only this morning on GMTV a guy (who clearly has no problems with women judging on how he looks) came on about how he arrogantly thinks he knows how to teach other men in the ways of women and was asked to film a piece where two guys were sitting in a sofa in a bar with two women at the counter (clearly they were asked in to do it) and they each went to a girl and tried to get to know them. All the while this "teacher" observed them and told them what they need to do or not do.
If their wasn't so many rules in these places I would be OK.
Hi, I'm geoff from Lakewood Wa.
I have the same syndrome, it's always been tough for me to make new friends. People in general irritate me because they either speak too fast, their pitch is too high or because i don't read them right, don't catch their non verbal clues So, I've become really defensive to protect myself.
Most places in general today, seem to be too loud. I can't follow what people are saying, so I just stay quiet. Even the movie theaters are too loud with people munching on popcorn or unwrapping wrappers, it's an irritant.
Don't worry about it. Easier said than done, but am exactly the same. I always say You cannot get on with EVERYONE all of the time. Relaxing and chilling out will get you a long way. If you stress about stuff it only makes things worse. Good Luck Tom
