How did you meet your significant other?

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brutaldjc
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How did you meet your significant other?

Post by brutaldjc » Sun Apr 21, 2019 4:31 pm

Hi All.

I hope you're having a lovely Easter! And, for the people in the UK I hope you're having fun in the lovely sunshine too :D

So.. I was just hoping for a bit of advice from all of you lovely people :)

For many years in my quest to find dates and/or the *one* as it were, I've spent many years in the realm of online dating.
Without much success to be honest.

For one reason and another I'm getting quite fed up of it and looking into actually socialising / and more offline dating related stuff.
However, this option I've not really considered in the past due to mostly reasons with my dyspraxia. Mostly carrying drinks is an issue with pubs and clubs etc

So... I was wondering for the people who are in relationship on this forum. How did you cross paths with your significant other, so I can have a bit of inspiration :P

Thanks :)

Andrew_S_Hatton
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Re: How did you meet your significant other?

Post by Andrew_S_Hatton » Mon Apr 22, 2019 11:10 am

I was born in December 1948.

I was very outgoing in my youth and belonged to whatever social group was available to me at most stages of life until five or ten years ago and usually was active in more groups than I could cope with at any one time.

As a teenager I was drawn to the Christian Religion, which I was repeatedly introduced to via school, and scouting and religious activities themselves, so that by the time I was fifteen I was part of a church youth club and group of young people who attended worship on Sunday evenings at Handsworth Avenue Methodist Church, Highams Park, Walthamstow, London, Essex (then), UK.

My then significant other had been active in her church, another Walthamstow Methodist Church since she was four years old.

Entirely naturally when the local Methodist Church District Youth organisation organised a residential weekend in December 1964 for young people connected with the local youth clubs I went along, as did she. Being fifteen and heterosexual without a serious girlfriend before for more than a few weeks I was keen to pair up, it seemed the right thing to do. I remember little about the topics over the weekend but it was mostly about gaining an understanding of Christianity as it applied to our lives - I was in my final year at school - studying for GCEs (they predated GSCEs and had a definite pass and fail system) - I was planning to seek work as a trainee journalist from the summer of 1965.

I was attracted to one girl from another church and tried to get close to her but in the free activities she went off when someone else - several times I found myself in the company of her friend who responded in a friendly way to me and I became powerfully attracted to her, we got together, as it were, during the last shared activity of the weekend and before parting I suggested meeting up - she agreed and I went to her church youth club in the following week and she came to mine.

It was our 49th wedding anniversary about two weeks ago - an event hardly mentioned by either of us and attracting no attention from anyone else, including our two children.

In short - I became involved in things that attracted me and met up with a woman who did likewise. For us a long term future seemed certain by the time we had been seeing each other, at almost every available opportunity, for about two years but we waited until we had been a couple for over five years to set up a home, because a priority for me, that she agreed with, was that we should delay marriage until we were both 21 (December 1969 in my case - a few months after her) as were then eligible by age to apply for a mortgage to buy a house for which we had been saving for a deposit by the time we completeed a purchase in March 1970, just a month before our wedding.

In the before marraige years - there were a few on off periods , but never longer than a week and neither of us as ever had, as far as I know a serious relationship with anyone else since we met. We trialled separation a couple of times when our children were in their late teenage years, but the longest we actually lived apart was about two months and in those two months we had a lot of contact with each other.

We are very different types of character, My wife is very forgiving and very tollerant compared to me.

Looking back - I think the fact of getting married rather than just making a committment to each other - so that it was public and we were thus supported by many others who we knew - family and friends was vital to the long term durability of our relationship. I did not expected to live as long as I have and am trying to prepare her for my death as she may find my absence difficult because I have been such a big focus of her attention, whereas my life has been driven more by my interests and cravings, notwithstanding my utter loyalty to our life together.

brutaldjc
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Re: How did you meet your significant other?

Post by brutaldjc » Mon Apr 22, 2019 7:14 pm

Thanks very much for this Andrew!

It's really interesting to see things from your perspective.

I guess in short, a good starting point for me would be to get into some interest groups that I will like.
Worst case, I'll improve my interest/hobby (i guess?) and you never know... may meet someone along the way.

I've started using apps such as meetup and signed up with some programming groups to start with :)

Andrew_S_Hatton
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Re: How did you meet your significant other?

Post by Andrew_S_Hatton » Mon Apr 22, 2019 9:01 pm

Wish you well with that.

I went to University when I was 24 & had been married 3years, the course, pre entry social work training, was demanding because one's understandings of human behaviour were severely tested.

I was very glad that I had formed a lifetime partnership before I did that training, especially as I saw student contemporaries really struggle getting in and out of relationships simultaneously with them being intellectually and emotionally challenged, as we were tested by work experiences with folk whose lives were frequently highly stressed.

I guess there is no right or wrong way to do it, ultimately we are all individuals and die alone, as I heard said by one partner in a long standing marriage recently.

Andrew_S_Hatton
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Re: How did you meet your significant other?

Post by Andrew_S_Hatton » Mon Apr 22, 2019 9:01 pm

Wish you well with that.

I went to University when I was 24 & had been married 3years, the course, pre entry social work training, was demanding because one's understandings of human behaviour were severely tested.

I was very glad that I had formed a lifetime partnership before I did that training, especially as I saw student contemporaries really struggle getting in and out of relationships simultaneously with them being intellectually and emotionally challenged, as we were tested by work experiences with folk whose lives were frequently highly stressed.

I guess there is no right or wrong way to do it, ultimately we are all individuals and die alone, as I heard said by one partner in a long standing marriage recently.

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