Almighty Friend/Colleague Screw-Up

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melvin1990
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Almighty Friend/Colleague Screw-Up

Post by melvin1990 » Sun May 20, 2018 1:41 am

I've got into something of a sticky situation with a lady I work with in a voluntary capacity and who I was friends with. She is a older lady, old enough to be my mum in fact, and in all honesty I think that's how the situation has arisen.

We have in the past got on very well, been close and rather tactile (well on her side), I've never really been that sort of tactile person, but do enjoy it. Hugs, she has held my hand when I've been upset, the occasional time she has ruffled my hair in a sort of paternal gesture. Even taught me how to knit in our knit and chat group, which having dyspraxia was no mean feat for me.

I was dead proud of that, and so was the lady in question.

She knows I have dyspraxia, and wonder if that has been a factor in our relationship, as she has a son with similar learning difficulties, perhaps there is a bit of empathy there, perhaps a maternal bond on both sides, I don't quite know.

To be honest, the friendship has always been rather one-sided, with the lady supporting me, rather than the other way around, although I do, or rather did have a bantering, humorous relationship with her, I think that was my way of trying to be supportive, by making her laugh and smile.

It is definitely a case of having maternal feelings for this lady, nothing romantic or otherwise about it.

Anyway to cut a long story short, it all came to a head last week, when in the middle of a reading group we both attend, I blurted out my feelings, without even realising at first, but I knew the second it came out of my mouth it was a mistake. A big, huge, massive mistake. It came out the wrong way as well which didn't help, leading the lady to think the feelings I have were something else entirely, they weren't and have never been anything else.

I think it was probably a act of self-sabotage, either because I was feeling uncomfortable with how the friendship was progressing, or because I couldn't handle the pressure any longer.

We were working together the next day, and it was quite frankly extremely awkward, I felt and still feel guilty about it, it shouldn't have happened. With some mediation from one of the company directors, we have managed to sort it out in a way. We have agreed to go back to being just colleagues, but the problem I have is that the lady still wants us to be friends as well.

I feel that would be impossible, as I have broken whatever trust was in our relationship, and it can never go back to the way it was before...not entirely sure I'd want it to. There was always a part of me which felt uncomfortable about it, but enjoyed it so much that I ignored the fact the boundaries were blurring into something that shouldn't have been.

Friends don't do what I've done anyway, do they?

They are meant to be a support, someone you can rely upon and trust, and I am none of those things.

She isn't my mum, and never will be, however much I might wish that to be the case.

I still do care about her, always will I think, she's been such a supportive and encouraging figure in my life which I am grateful for, but I feel I've betrayed her when she already has enough to deal with in her life as it is.

I have decided to take on a professional approach with her, just be a colleague, I feel that to be the best way forward.

I don't know what advice I'm looking for, or even if I am looking for any at all, but needed to get it out my head, it's driving me up the wall.

Thanks for reading,

Alex

Tom fod
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Re: Almighty Friend/Colleague Screw-Up

Post by Tom fod » Sun May 20, 2018 2:26 am

Hi

Would you say you were somewhat uncomfortable with level of overprotectiveness or that she was perhaps a bit patronisingand/or overfamiliar?

Sounds like you just need to put it behind you and perhaps in time you'll both be able to laugh at what happened.
Tom
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With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)

melvin1990
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Joined: Sun Jan 24, 2010 4:22 am

Re: Almighty Friend/Colleague Screw-Up

Post by melvin1990 » Sun May 20, 2018 2:29 am

Hi Tom,

I think it was a case of being uncomfortable with the overprotectiveness and or the over familiarity, but also the tactile side in a way, even if I enjoyed it because with my dyspraxia I find it hard to read body language and tactile contact, and as I've mentioned it's not really my style.

I already intended to put it behind me, but the guilt I feel/felt was overwhelming at the time, has only really eased on writing it all down here.

Thanks for your reply,

Alex

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