Don't understand why girls are put off by me

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dannyisere32
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Don't understand why girls are put off by me

Post by dannyisere32 » Mon Nov 06, 2017 5:18 pm

Hi I'm Dan from Bristol I'm 25 and work as a trainee chef..my problem is that whenever I try to talk to a girl I always say things before thinking and I always talk way too much..I do make an effort to listen to what the girls saying but I have trouble with thinking of a way to respond without looking stupid. I don't know if it's the way I look or act but any advice would be much apreciated. Thanks :(

Tom fod
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Re: Don't understand why girls are put off by me

Post by Tom fod » Tue Nov 07, 2017 12:20 am

Hi Dan
Hope you don't mind me saying but that's a bloody difficult question to answer! A lot of guys including myself struggle to talk to or understand women and I think it's a case of saying the right things o the right woman at the right time. How they interpret what we say and what they consider our intentions to be are also very important. Some guys can seemingly get away with saying he stupidest things because they do so in a confident way.

This question is probably best asked of a female that knows you reasonably well. Can anyone here add anything or constructively tear my response apart?
Tom
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dannyisere32
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Re: Don't understand why girls are put off by me

Post by dannyisere32 » Wed Nov 08, 2017 7:15 am

Tom fod wrote:Hi Dan
Hope you don't mind me saying but that's a bloody difficult question to answer! A lot of guys including myself struggle to talk to or understand women and I think it's a case of saying the right things o the right woman at the right time. How they interpret what we say and what they consider our intentions to be are also very important. Some guys can seemingly get away with saying he stupidest things because they do so in a confident way.

This question is probably best asked of a female that knows you reasonably well. Can anyone here add anything or constructively tear my response apart?

Thanks mate much apriciated ill deffinetly try that

Dan
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Re: Don't understand why girls are put off by me

Post by Dan » Sat Nov 25, 2017 12:15 am

My main problem around girls is that my heart goes tachycardic and I want to melt, haha. I am a lot better on this now, it not being noticeable really, but as a 17 year old, I was absolutely terrified and probably did the equivalent of semaphore for "HELP ME!"

Mbn56
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Re: Don't understand why girls are put off by me

Post by Mbn56 » Sun Dec 17, 2017 4:41 pm

As a 24 year old girl, I'd like to apologise for my gender. You may well be aware that a lot of girls can be quite shallow, the smallest things can put them off when really they haven't even given the person a proper chance.

I'll give you the same advice I have given other male friends of mine... Though as I also have dyspraxia I know it may be hard for you...

Don't show that you're too interested too soon. I've been interested in guys in the past and then they've been very interested straight away and it's put me off. It shouldn't, but it's the lack of effort needed that puts girls off sometimes, if it's too easy they doubt it and start making up that the intentions are only for quick knock around a rather than anything more OR it turns to thinking they'll turn into the obsessed stalker kind.

However, don't wait too long either. We're complex. Another guy I liked in the past made me fight to see him and cancelled a dozen plans. I tried harder for a while and then realised it wasn't happening and it wasn't worth it.

So I guess it's a case of listening to the girl, finding common interests you can get excited about, doing exciting things together that stick in the mind and increase adrenaline/ make good memories like go karting, bungee jumping, trampoline parks, something random and fun and unusual... Wait approximately a month for a real friendship and connection to grow between you and then ask if she wants to be more than just friends.

Dan
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Re: Don't understand why girls are put off by me

Post by Dan » Fri Dec 22, 2017 3:14 am

Mbn56 wrote:As a 24 year old girl, I'd like to apologise for my gender. You may well be aware that a lot of girls can be quite shallow, the smallest things can put them off when really they haven't even given the person a proper chance.

I'll give you the same advice I have given other male friends of mine... Though as I also have dyspraxia I know it may be hard for you...

Don't show that you're too interested too soon. I've been interested in guys in the past and then they've been very interested straight away and it's put me off. It shouldn't, but it's the lack of effort needed that puts girls off sometimes, if it's too easy they doubt it and start making up that the intentions are only for quick knock around a rather than anything more OR it turns to thinking they'll turn into the obsessed stalker kind.

However, don't wait too long either. We're complex. Another guy I liked in the past made me fight to see him and cancelled a dozen plans. I tried harder for a while and then realised it wasn't happening and it wasn't worth it.

So I guess it's a case of listening to the girl, finding common interests you can get excited about, doing exciting things together that stick in the mind and increase adrenaline/ make good memories like go karting, bungee jumping, trampoline parks, something random and fun and unusual... Wait approximately a month for a real friendship and connection to grow between you and then ask if she wants to be more than just friends.
I think this is good advice. My very cursory understanding from girls is that confidence is paramount for any sort of success. Also, the idea that you're dissuaded from seeking out people who show too much interest too early is not just a girl thing Mbn, trust me! ;) I find people being too keen, too early off-putting just the same as you.

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