6 year relationship with a man who doesn't understand dyspraxia

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YellowSunshine
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6 year relationship with a man who doesn't understand dyspraxia

Postby YellowSunshine » Sun Jun 25, 2017 4:11 pm

I am 25 and live with my partner of 6 years. Things were great to start off with, he was so supportive and loving.

Now all he does is get frustrated with me, I can't seem to do anything right. He just starts fights over everything. I can't breathe without him commenting.

Recently he made a hurtful comment "even people with dyspraxia have brains, you seem to have nothing there"

I have told him time and time again that I struggle with things and find household tasks difficult.

He makes me feel worthless. I replied to him saying he should be more supportive and that if he doesn't understand then he should read up dyspraxia. He says he has but he doesn't care, he then started ranting at me about how dyspraxia supposedly disappears with age and that I'm 25 and should be "over" it by now.

I need the confidence to leave him. It would be best for him, he says he doesn't want to break up but then is so horrible his words cut me so deeply. I want to leave him but I'm stuck as my job is here and I have no family in the city I live and I really don't want to move back home for the third time. Plus he said he would take my 10 month old kitten if we were to break up, even though she belongs to me and I pay for her vet bills and her food and toys and everything. She's my world I couldn't cope without her.

Tom fod
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Location: SW UK

Re: 6 year relationship with a man who doesn't understand dyspraxia

Postby Tom fod » Sun Jun 25, 2017 5:33 pm

Hi and welcome. Glad you've found us but sorry that things are so horribly difficult for you on the home front.

Your partner needs to be more understanding and appreciative of you and your ways and not measure everything against his idea of what someone with Dyspraxia is supposed to be like I sadly very much suspect this is beyond him and I'm inclined to suspect he very likely would seek to use any research as ammunition against you as he seems to take you for granted?

It needs to be what is best for you (not him).
We get better at coping as we gain experience but being in a crappy situation where we are treated badly can really undermine any progress. The fact he is saying he will take your kitten sadly speaks volumes about the kind of man he is. I hope you find a solution and we're all here to offer at least words of support.
Last edited by Tom fod on Sun Jun 25, 2017 9:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Improvement of response
Tom
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With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
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Tom fod
Administrator
Posts: 1489
Joined: Thu May 12, 2011 10:05 pm
Location: SW UK

Re: 6 year relationship with a man who doesn't understand dyspraxia

Postby Tom fod » Mon Jun 26, 2017 11:06 am

Me again

Being typically dyspraxic there's some other things I've just remembered I ought to say.

Is it maybe the case that he just doesn't want to understand dyspraxia?

Did you have strategies that were enabling you to cope with the household chores that have broken down as a result of his irratability and finding fault with the things you try to do?

If he could be calm and approachable what would you want to ask him?

What if any external factors have changed the way he views you/you him?

We totally understand that you might not want or be able to answer these questions openly in a response here but hopefully they will help you ultimately come to the best decision for you.

Hope this is in some way helpful
Tom
Moderator/Administrator

With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)

pendragon
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Re: 6 year relationship with a man who doesn't understand dyspraxia

Postby pendragon » Tue Jul 04, 2017 3:02 pm

Your partner sounds like an abusive bully. The fact he knows why you have difficulties but refuses to make allowances for you shows that he is unlikely to change. He would not say and do these hurtful things if he was genuine.

If your kitten belongs to you he has no right to take her. Your best course of action would be to get family or friends to help you move out; the sooner you are out of this harmful situation, the better. It is better to be single than have such a cold, unloving partner.


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