Missing somebody and Introducing

[Beneyriey]

Hello, I am Benjamin.

I'm going to introduce myself here, and ask for some help. I've been struggling with dyspraxia for my entire life. Randomly when I am standing up, for example, I fall over; I can barely run and I have low muscle tone and I can barely barely write. When I was a young lad, I remember my Mum taking me to physio, I remember the exercises she used to do to help me. I used to have a lisp, but through the years, my lisp has gone away. I've always felt different; I hate feeling different. I have had a one to one (I am in college) for my entire life. It wasn't until I was in secondary school that I was faced with bullying. Now, the bullying at primary school destroyed me socially. I was called awful names, and constantly bullied for being dyspraxic. Nowadays, I am really shy and scared around people. It's hard to garner my trust, and I struggle making friends (because I am too shy to talk to people). I have a one to one in college. She helps me a lot, and I am grateful for her help, but I just feel held back. I feel like a caged animal. I feel as if I am capable of doing things by myself.

Now, this is a really touchy subject for me, but I guess it is good to let things out. I went to this stage production group, and I was really nervous about going. I was worried about meeting new people. Anyway, I went there, and for the first few weeks, I was as nervous as hell. I would not speak to anybody, and I could feel my heart pump inside of me whenever I did. But I met this girl there, and she was really really sweet. She was the kindest I've ever met. Well, I fell deeply in love with her (sorry for sounding cheesy). Well, it took a long time for me to talk to her in person, and even when I did, I shyed away from her. But now the stage thing is over, and I really really miss her. We talk quite a bit on Facebook, but my problem is, is that I always worry that I've hurt her feelings whenever she doesn't reply to a message. I worry about upsetting her or offending her.I also worry that whenever I message her (I rarely do because of this reason) I will really annoy her. But to simply put it, I miss her to bits. When I meet someone and I like them (befriend them) I trust them, I am loyal to them.

[Tom fod]

Hi Benjamin (or do you prefer Ben?) First of all a really warm welcome and glad you've found us.

I have a friend who suffers very much from the same sort of anxieties and I don't believe it is as uncommon as you might fear (it's not just you). You will find there more like-minded people than you think and sometimes even the impatient types have the same anxieties deep down. It sounds like she's a likeminded person on a similar wavelength so please don't be afraid to show a bit of yourself (No not like that - excuse my bad taste humour.)

It is worth looking at cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and/or perhaps Mindfulness as this will hopefully help you to become less anxious/obsessive about checking and rechecking for replies/ looking at what you have sent and worrying. Equally remember that people may not reply immediately because they do have other things/people vying for their attention so there may be a completely rational explanation for why they have not acknowledged or replied.

All the best and I hope this is helpful.

[JamesAnthony91]

You need to stop caring what other people do or feel when you haven't done anything intentionally nasty. How old are you? A lot of guys go through these kinds of phases, you'll change as you grow. I've never been afraid of people or anything, I have felt self hate, to an extent I still do for different reasons than my past, but I kind of get what you mean. You aren't in love with the girl though, love takes time and effort, you have a crush and the rush of hormones is clouding your judgement. You think you love her, but in a few years, even if you ever think about her, it'll be "meh." You've just imprinted on her, as in she's relatively nice to you, and so you think she's the most amazing person in the world. Am I wrong that she probably seems to have been nicer to you than most people? You'll get that feeling with a LOT of young women over the years. Miss her less, and focus on studying or learning a language. To help with muscle tone you should work out, I don't really suffer from that, but you know, Germanicus, a great Roman soldier, had issues like that with his legs. He was an elite warrior, he still had to train his legs daily for his problem, and you can work on your muscle groups too I'd say working out, educating yourself, and maybe joining a sports club at your college to make friends, will help you a lot. You might end up in a long relationship with the girl, but be aware, she might just be one...memory from college. You'll do great, just don't focus too much on the girl, girls can be distractions. The same way guys can be distractions for girls.

[Jim]

I'm quite experienced in 'unrequited love'.

I've definitely felt a love for a person which was not returned in kind although with each one I have been good friends with.

The first couple were in my teens and involved my first 'crush'. I fancied this girl so much that I felt physically sick because of it. We were friends, but the relationship never developed. Partly because I never had the confidence to tell her how I felt even though she must have known because it was bleeding obvious and everyone else knew about it. Then once I overheard her talking about me to someone else where she made it quite clear that she wasn't interested. At that moment I knew that it could never be. I still think fondly of her though.

The next one was with this really cute girl, the kind whose smile lights up your entire universe. She joined our sixth form and we almost immediately struck up the most awesome rapport. We were always teasing each other and had the banter... Actually everyone else thought we were a married couple! But then just at the point of finally deciding to pluck up the courage to ask her out she suddenly and out of the blue without much explanation broke of all contact with me. That hurt a lot. That was many years ago now, in many ways I see her as the 'one' who got away. Despite the brutal way she ended it I still smile when I think of her and the good times we had.

And now I've done it again, blooming well fallen head over heels in love with a woman I simply can't have not least because she's already in a very happy relationship with someone else but also because of some cultural barriers which would make maintaining a relationship very difficult. Even so, quite frankly I adore her and think she is the most wonderful person I've ever had the privilege of meeting. She is sweet, kind, generous, smart, clever, cute and to my eyes very very beautiful.

We have become really good friends, I value her friendship more than I can put into words and have finally found the confidence to tell a woman close to my heart how much they mean to me. I've stopped short of telling her the degree of my attraction to her although I imagine she is aware that I have developed a deep love for her, I never shy of telling her much I miss her!

I don't see her very often, as she has a very busy life style with all manner of responsibilities and commitments but I find myself looking forward a crazy amount to the next time I can see her even if it's only for a few moments in passing.

It's quite typical of me to have strong feelings for people who can never return that love... I do hope I find the one someday who loves me back but also.. my heart will never abandon my friend today for she is simply amazingly wonderful.

[Beneyriey]

I don't know, it's just that I've always felt unimportant, somewhat unloved to an extent. All I want is for somebody to love me back and not hurt me.

[JamesAnthony91]

Love is kind of overrated. It's just a biochemical reaction that wears off in time. If people stay together for decades, it's more to do with familiarity than actual lifelong "love." I guess it is possible the chemical reaction can happen again between two or more people, but that just shows you how chaotic and unreliable emotions are. I believe people can do whatever they want, it's none of anyone else's business, but I will recommend you focus on logic and reason instead of letting emotions cloud your directing mind. Miyamoto Musahi and Marcus Aurelius are two writers I highly recommend you look up, they may have died centuries ago, but, they wrote a LOT that's helpful for people, better than the self help crap around nowadays. Marcus Aurelius was an Emperor, and Musashi took pride in killing people with swords. That's how you know what they say makes sense, because their main careers had nothing to do with self help and monetizing their writings, they actually accomplished things in life other than giving advice for money. Nobody's worth loving. The truth is, you either love something or don't, but that doesn't matter. Living matters. Look at people on the internet insulting each other, ever go on Youtube? That's our species, that's how humans think, and that's why Democracy doesn't work. YET, humans tout themselves as the pinnacle of evolution. We're not, we're one abomination of nature, others came before us, others will come after when we leave the planet(if it's habitable after.) Nothing matters. Everything is completely nonsensical. You'll be fine, nobody is better than you, and vice versa. You may as well start liking yourself, in the end, people only have themselves. Everyone else is useless. That's how I see life: look out for yourself, put yourself first, you probably shouldn't care whether others do or do not like you or whatever. There's a few million girls on the planet, no one girl is ever going to be important, other than imaginary value we attribute to them. Same goes for women and how they view men, there's millions of guys. Money is another example, and manners: they're all things that don't really matter to the mostly empty Universe. I guess there could be more life out there, there are many stars and planets orbiting those stars, BUT, between all those planets is an empty vacuum. You think you lack value, but, that's only because you're looking down on yourself. In truth, you're the same as any other guy: you're just there, just alive, just a bunch of cells manifesting consciousness which is no more than computations of sensory input. So, you're as awesome as anyone, just randomly decide to be that awesome guy You could also just be, like me and everyone else, a video game played by some advanced form of life. We could just be like the Sims, but, displaying Artificial General Intelligence instead of Artificial Narrow Intelligence(the type of AI that exists today.)