People find me annoying

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Lotsie
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People find me annoying

Postby Lotsie » Sat Nov 14, 2015 7:46 pm

I'm an 18 year old sixth form student and I have dyspraxia.

People say harsh comments to me and find me annoying all the time. When I speak its almost as if I don't have a filter and anything that I think in my head then comes out my mouth. I also have a high pitched voice that people often harshly comment on. I'm not entirely sure if these are connected to my dyspraxia, but I wanted to find out if anyone else has a similar problem. I often ask silly questions or make a stupid statement, and rather than just saying it once I am known to repeat it over and over again until I get a response from someone. At school some people believe this is just attention seeking and acting 'stupid' for attention. Others believe I'm actually stupid and I get comments on a regular basis. Two comments I had only yesterday was 'why are you such a retard?" and 'One day you are going to wake up and realise how much of a loser you really are". I've tried to change and think more about what I say but even then it only gets a little better and it still happens. I can't seem to change the way I act. I'm finding it very difficult to cope at the moment because I feel so different from everyone else because of this. I have one close friend at sixth form who doesn't know about my dyspraxia but I confided in him about the impulsive speech issue and even he said 'you need to change' 'its your own fault for saying stupid things'. I told him I'd tried so hard to change but he just said 'clearly you didn't try hard enough'. I just feel like no one is there for me and I'm so alone. People think I'm stupid so often tell me to do stupid things for their entertainment and I have been known to do a lot of these things. Sometimes I do them without thinking, other times I think about and but do it anyway in an attempt to get people to like me, but they just laugh at me. Does anyone else find this a problem? I really need some help or advice right now because it's getting to a point where I can't cope anymore.

I would be so grateful if anyone can offer any advice
Thank you

uniquecharlie
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Re: People find me annoying

Postby uniquecharlie » Sat Nov 14, 2015 9:05 pm

i totally get what you mean, i never really had friends in school and when i did they would just call me names, i dont speak to any of them now and was so badly bullied i didnt go to college or sixth form and now only have one friend that lives 5000 miles away. i get your feeling alone and wish i could offer advice to make you life easier but i dont even know myself, all i can say is try not to let what the people say get you down, i no its hard but there just ignorant and dont no what their talking about. i know how hard it is being alone and not knowing how to make friends but dont change yourself for them their not worth that. despite what they say it isnt your fault. feel free to message me if u ever need someone to talk to about anything or just need a friend
no i may not be physically alone, but mentally there is noone in sight

Tom fod
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Re: People find me annoying

Postby Tom fod » Sun Nov 15, 2015 12:36 am

Welcome

Unfortunately there will always be people who don't get you and unfortunately some of them won't have the good grace to value you for the positives. Everyone goes through this sort of thing but because we often think and act a bit differently we often tend to the target of those who think picking on the different guy/girl that way people might not notice their own awkwardness/feelings of inadequacy.

We've all done silly things to try to fit in though we have to try to be strong and avoid or minimise contact with people who are unwilling to accept us for who we are. Be careful about extending loyalty to those who are unable to reciprocate. Please consider speaking to your GP or college counselling service to see if they can help you with strategies. There's a book Caged in Chaos by Victoria Biggs that you may also find helpful. There is also other stiff available online. As well as reading previous posts here. It may be worth searching for/looking at Try Dyspraxic.Me, You Tube and the Dyspraxia Foundations Website/helpline. There is also a Dyspraxic teens Forum which should also contain some useful hints and strategies that you may be able to adapt for yourself.

Be the person you want to be rather than what you think other people want you to be. There are words for such people but they're unrepeatable here. You certainly are not alone in experiencing this. It will get better but I know it won't feel like that right now.

All the best
Tom
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With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)

JamesAnthony91
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Re: People find me annoying

Postby JamesAnthony91 » Thu Jan 28, 2016 2:21 am

Do people actually talk to you like that? I say...don't stay around them, look to do something else, go anywhere else, even if working on a farm for a few months as a volunteer. You really need to get away from people like that. You can also try calling them out on their issues. If some insults you, just respond: "Well, look who's talking, you tacky little prat. I'd rather someone not fit to lick my shoes doesn't attempt criticizing ME, because you're no better than anybody if you really need to sink low enough to resort to insults." Whether you say that before ditching school, or you decide to stay there, it's fine. Those people aren't your friends, the truth is, friends don't talk to you like that. You need to look up "toxic friends", similar stories, and the solutions, will enlighten you. Just try ignoring them, stop talking to them. If bullying escalates, report them to the school. If they try going overboard, see if you have a reason to call the police, like if they threaten you and you can present evidence. You can choose to just leave the school, and start fresh somewhere else. Don't let anyone talk down to you, stand up for yourself, if someone gets in your face for that, ask them "what you going to do about that? I'm not a doormat, so grow up and get out of my face or start showing me respect." You have to be ruthless with people, and sometimes just abandon people altogether. You don't have to take my advice, but you can't let them bully you, don't let them trample your self confidence.

People have disliked me for most of my life. When I started growing into my looks at around 18, at most, women found me attractive, but people had a problem with who I truly am, up until I stopped caring about people and what they think of me with their lacklustre minds. People basically realized, if they're at all perceptive, that even if they did insult me, I wouldn't be affected. People don't care if all they get is ice coldness in return, like maybe a raised eyebrow and a "wow, the retard can talk, good job, you're speeecial..." Some people will disagree...but I think you should judge others by how...useful they are to you. If someone just gives me crap, I wouldn't keep them around, I'd go as far as hitting all their nerves just for giving me a reason to turn sadist on them like that. If you learn to ignore people, as in freeze them out when they give you crap...they'll self destruct. I say ignore them, do your school work, make new friends in a martial arts club or horse riding club or something...maybe you can try military or police reserve, maybe volunteer for ambulance work or at a fire station? Either way, those people aren't worth your time, they're sad people who kick you when you're down, but, that's because they're pathetic, not you :) If someone TRIES getting violent, you have every right to defend yourself. Actually, you can use their assaulting you to have them arrested. No matter what: you win. Btw, even if someone, say, posts an embarrassing video or gossips about you, remember that none of that matters. There's billions of people. Politicians and Actors/Actresses get made fun of all the time, have stuff said about them in tabloids, just have a "haters love me" attitude. If people give you crap, they're threatened by you, they fear that you are superior in some way, so they choose to zero in on your insecurities because they're stupid and petty. They are beneath you. Revel in your superiority. You're like a celebrity, they all want a piece of you, but you're too awesome to let it get to you :)

I like people who say what they think, the world is full of cowards who tiptoe around a point. Straight shooters are the people I respect. Remember, you have the option of changing your number and email address, giving the info to whoever you still trust, deleting your Facebook and other social media crap. I respect all opinions and views on this thread, but, this is just my opinion since I don't want someone being bullied to the point of depression. You don't need to acknowledge them. If they stalk you in person...you can get the police involved. You are so young, and you have so many opportunities in life: I think it's best to block out all haters, until you are surrounded by people who are loyal. You don't need to change: sometimes it is others who are the problem. I am certain people seeing your topic agree: they are the problem, not you.

I rest my case.

Jim
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Re: People find me annoying

Postby Jim » Thu Jan 28, 2016 10:15 am

Remember that there's two sides to every coin.

Younger people often lack the emotional maturity to realise that people are very diverse and therefore struggle to tolerate people whom are different from themselves.

We are all guilty of this.

I had periods of pretty bad bullying myself as a teenager and did the "Freeze" that James suggests above.

Bad move. It was a bad move because I froze everyone out including people who were actually being genuinely friendly towards me. This put me in the 'wrong' led to me having very few friends and did no favours to my self esteem or confidence.

We all have different personalities, many of these will not be compatible with other certain types of personalities especially at an age when we are still developing them.

Standing up for yourself is all very well, but it doesn't call for aggressive confrontation which most often aggravates the perceived problem.

Assertiveness is far more appropriate. Stand up for your rights without trampling all over someone else's.

Remember... you can't really help how you feel as emotion is beyond conscious control but you can help how you behave.

If someone else finds you annoying then so what? That's life, they can't help that emotion anymore than you can. What it does call for is a little bit of maturity and tolerance on both sides.

JamesAnthony91
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Re: People find me annoying

Postby JamesAnthony91 » Thu Jan 28, 2016 2:39 pm

While I agree with Jim that freezing out EVERYONE is bad, I just mean freezing out people who are toxic or...who insist on CONSTANTLY being disagreeable. I love friends who can be critical and who I can argue with over differences of opinion, to an extent, but, I don't think you should let people think they can put you down, can't let them think they have control over you. Reading Sun Tzu's Art of War, and Marcus Aurelius's Meditations, would definitely inspire you. The truth is: history is based on warfare. That cannot be denied, if being honest and logical. Daily interactions are about saving face, and social competition. You have to establish yourself as dominant. When you say no, that has to remain a NO. Don't do too many things for people who don't do anything for you in return.

Remain calm, and think strategically. Expect the unexpected. Never act too predictably. Keeping people on their toes is one of the surest ways of seizing control over your environment. If you are at a disadvantage socially, remember that is not a reflection on you as a person, it is a reflection on how you have handled social competition. You're 18 though, and can start fresh, so those mistakes don't matter. Learn from your mistakes. Never repeat your mistakes. If you think you may be repeating some destructive pattern: then stop, and diverge from that consciously. Never get drunk, if you even get tipsy, let it be around people you can trust like family, until your body can handle alcohol so that you do not engage in any social faux pas. Never get drunk around people that can and will take pictures. Remember that it's untrue that you need friends to be successful, this has been proven false, you just need to be competent, so experiment with anything and everything until you find your niche: you do have one, we all do, if a person can mentally function they are good at something. So, while having friends is a good thing for emotional support, you do not need to cling to any friend you have. Your aims in life come first. It might help to detail a grand plan for yourself, and go through an elimination process to see what steps will and will not work as you strive to win. Victory is what matters.

While I do agree with being altruistic, I think of it more as "you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours." The people you describe are toxic, but, that isn't all people. There are nice people. You shouldn't reveal too much to anyone unless they've earned your trust, stuck by you through thick and thin. But, you should be loyal to people too. Humans...are a complex species. You need to mix it up, know when to freeze people out; when to cut ties; when to be nice; when to be blunt and STRICT.

I agree with what others have written on this thread, wholeheartedly, but I mean that you have the option to either freeze someone out if they're trying to be mean, or you can be mean right back. You'd have to read the context of the situation and go with your intuition, then you can pick the right option. Sometimes, it is just true that when someone wants to butt heads, you go in full force. I'd say you just try ignoring first. If that doesn't work, you can either report them, or insult them right back.

If you don't want to stay at that school at all, you have the choice to leave. I've managed to be successful in my life by understanding my wants and needs, and knowing when it will be impossible for those wants and needs to be fulfilled in a certain environment, or around certain people. The bullying has to stop. The most responsible options would be to remember their insults don't define you and ignore them, or report them, or both, they are not perfect at all...if they were, why would they stoop to petty insults and kicking you when you're down? They're not geniuses. They're not all models. They aren't billionaires. They are no better than you, but it is true, some people can be better than others. You can be better, on the basis of merit. That's how Singaporean society works. Just aim for being successful, and for being as free as possible. If you cannot detoxify a toxic environment, if it is starting to hurt you, you can leave and cut contact with those people.

I have friends. They do call me out on things, they do disagree with me at times, that's how relationships, whether romantic or platonic, work. The difference is that they don't try breaking me down. They have manners. They joke with me, but they build me up if I'm feeling depressed or low in myself. Friends...are meant to serve a function. It's true. They're a support network of people. You can't be friends with everyone, and not everyone is worth your friendship. I think you're a nice person, and that is good, and you can be dominant while being nice, but not everyone deserves kindness or patience. Do what you feel is right. You can stay at the school and ignore people who make fun of you, which is a good option. You can report them, and tell them to grow up and stop acting like school yard brats if they insult you for reporting their misconduct. You can be aggressive and insult back. You can be assertive and tell the person not to insult you, being firm and calm while you look them in the eye, and then you can just shake your head disapprovingly and walk away. You can also leave the school if you so choose, if you're being bullied constantly, try finding another option.

You can still complete your studies, that school doesn't have to be where though. All in all, you have many options, many moves you can make, your situation is not hopeless. I promise that you will be fine, and as you grow up, you'll develop a tougher skin. You just have to realize that the opinions of others have nothing to do with who you are: only you can possibly know that. You'll have an awesome life, just find your passion :D

This is all only advice, I wish you the greatest success in your life, but remember that YOU decide what you want to do, and trust yourself :)

Bowiefan
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Re: People find me annoying

Postby Bowiefan » Fri Feb 05, 2016 11:11 pm

Hi, first time I've posted on here.

I'm a 39 year old bloke who was diagnosed 30 years ago (when little was known about the condition). Teenage years are particularly hard at the best of times, even harder for dyspraxics, but if you your contemporaries cannot accept you for who you are then they are not worth trying to fit in with. It sounds like you are being bullied - you have a right to a happy life and there should be a member of staff (or several) to speak to and get support that you need - and deserve.

I don't know if dyspraxics are more prone to getting bullied but I do know that I found people more accepting beyond school. I note that your post was written a few months ago and I hope the situation has improved.
I get knocked down, but I get up again, you ain't never gonna keep me down.

JamesAnthony91
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Re: People find me annoying

Postby JamesAnthony91 » Mon Feb 08, 2016 4:04 am

Hi Bowiefan, it might interest you to know that Dyspraxia at times comes with ADHD and/or Autism. There are high rates of being bullied for those with ADHD and Autism, so I think that might have something to do with things like this. It probably wouldn't be the Dyspraxia itself, BUT, it might be more that it tends to be "comorbid." There are also the coordination difficulties and posture difficulties that could be what makes some with Dyspraxia easy targets in an immature environment, adult or otherwise.

morgank82
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Re: People find me annoying

Postby morgank82 » Mon Feb 08, 2016 12:14 pm

Hey lotsie ,
Being around your age group or around high school pethedic individuals like that,who makes u feel different is there own problem in there heads . There not mature enough to handle truth , its not your fault, trust me he all been there somewhat different sitautions, but us dyspraxics are not stupid nor under inteligent as people that dont have this disorder.

The harsh thing is we are really prone to inner talk in our heads, meaning he analyze are selfs to the t; critizing our ownselfs or trying to be profectionist or be a worrier in our heads. when that comes to play unfortanitly humans do tend to be akward ;its natural instinct of chemical balance in are nerves. for us we our more prone to recieve the pulses of reaction.

what i did for my filtering , i recorded my random sentances; over and over for 15 min a sesh 3 times a day. play the recording back , see if i can pin point insecurities or parts of the sentances that dont match up; make a routine out of it. it may take a while and at times its meh feelings ; But it helped me in the past.

and for people that is trying to trap u to fumble up . Well dont worry they have mistakes them selfs but in other aspects of life . Dont be to hard on yourself, that close friend u have ; sounds like he does not really understand but wants too. tell him to look up dyspraxia . Youtube has a easy learning clip of the disorder . But dont let him put u down also stick up for yourself .

Tell him "hey i dare you walk in a mile in my shoes , and thats just a mile had to walk through mountains with this ball and chain to get here , and i am still beside you guys, alot of you will give up along the way ;so tell me who is strong" ....

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ichiban-no-hime
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Re: People find me annoying

Postby ichiban-no-hime » Wed Apr 27, 2016 10:22 am

I can totally relate, I'm 18 and in sixth form too, and it's a huge struggle for me.
Nobody ever wants me in their group when we have to do group work, and my teachers always end up placing me with people. I was part of a large group last year, but I soon realised how toxic big clique-like groups can be, for example, sometimes when I'd try speaking, I'd be interrupted, or a rude comment would be made towards me, and I'd be ignored. I even overheard them talking about me behind my back on several occasions.
I eventually cut them all out of my life, and have stuck to clinging to my closest childhood friends.
What's important is finding people who truly like you, and accept you for who you are, and can overlook any of your flaws and enjoy your company. I've been quite lucky, as I've had the same two best friends for ten years now.
The best thing to do is try not to care what anyone else thinks of you, and work on making yourself happy. I know it's hard, and people might tell you that a lot, I know I've been there, but honestly, it works miracles. :)

poodlelover81
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Re: People find me annoying

Postby poodlelover81 » Sun Nov 06, 2016 7:53 pm

[quote="ichiban-no-hime"]
Nobody ever wants me in their group when we have to do group work, and my teachers always end up placing me with people.
That was my experience from elementary school until the last year of high school. In a year I had enough friends from theater club and 1 of them was almost always in my classes. But I understand, it makes science class hell. One time I had to ask my chemistry teacher in private if he could assign us to groups so I wasn't the only one that had to be assigned to a group, and he agreed. He told me "Popularity is a myth. See how long these cliques are going to last." Sure enough, he was right. I went to uni, and it was so different from primary school. Almost everyone there is open to meeting new people. My advice? Stick in there & go to university. You'll have a ball :banana:


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