Online Dating Progress

[FAndrews]

Hi All

A bit of online dating news seems ive been making some progress, throughout my last rough couple of months ive been talking to someone new on PoF who ive been talking to for the last few weeks.
And at the start of the week i got her number and so have been chatting on whatsapp chat feature on my phone as well as texting. she is slightly older than me, sweet, funny and has similar areas of interest but the issue is distance.
I cant drive sadly but she can and she lives a reasonable distance from me (I'm in south somerset, she is in cardiff)

Well i went for asked her out i suggested meeting to see if there was a connection in person and she said yes and see what we can arrange and come up with. and yes it is a date at the moment she is quite busy so wont be able to meet for a few weeks yet, though we do talk everyday

[Jim]

Good for you.

I too have some small progress, after months of absolutely zero progress, no replies from countless people I messaged I finally got a reply just prior to the weekend.

We've been chatting on okcupid everyday since then. I'm playing it cool at the moment but I hope to get it to dating stage as we seem to have things in common.

[FAndrews]

Thats great, remember its just chatting until you meet though

Haven't got a date set yet hopefully middle of next month, see what happens. also got a new job with a care agency now, hoping to get enough shifts.

[Jim]

Indeed indeed...

I want to ask her out, I'm just deliberating on the best way to phrase the question at the moment.

Well done on the job by the way.

[FAndrews]

Suggest the idea of a friendly meet-up to see if the spark is there in person or something its what i did though it quickly progressed into being a date.

[Jim]

She's agreed that we 'could' meet up, but we haven't set anything yet.

I suspect I might have some competition as well, she's kinda cute.

[Jim]

Well, mines going no further.

We had agreed to meet and that's when she started replying less to my messages until finally ignoring me completely.

So! Silence speaks louder than words and shes obviously not interested.

And that's fine, after all we can't help how we feel and I accept and respect that.

It would have been nice if she had the courtesy and integrity to tell me that though. I do think that simply breaking off all communication without a word is very poor form.

Tonight was to the date of our first meet, but she hasn't responded to me for over a week and so I had no confidence that she would turn up. I elected to stay home as a result.

If she can't respond to a simple message to say that she does or doesn't want to meet me then quite frankly she's not worth the effort.

[Tom fod]

I can certainly sympathise on this. I seem to constantly run into similar difficulties (in the rare event that anyone even says hi nowadays). I feel it's down to the 'sweet shop mentality' (huge array of choice and people seem to change their minds on a whim, have several irons in the fire, and go with the latest/best prospect dropping other prospective dates.)

The whole 'it's their loss' or 'it wasn't meant to be' does wear a bit thin after I've got my hopes up and had them dashed again. The whole balance of how often to message any given prospective partner and what to/what not to say is a minefield in itself. I also wish people would have the courage/honesty to say they have another prospect who they are want to concentrate on but realise they are at risk of getting bad reactions from some people so I suppose it is understandable that they choose to 'just disappear'.

Still looking for someone to 'love my imperfections' but get the feeling I'm a bit of an odd fish.

That's my 2ps worth and I sincerely hope the right person comes along soon.

[Jim]

It's dispiriting, especially I get so little interaction on these sites at all. Makes for a very lonely feeling.

But it's not the rejection that hurts, as I said no one can help how they feel.

It's the lack of honesty and respect. Is it really that difficult to say "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested"?

Why must people automatically assume that I'd react like some creep or freak?

[Tom fod]

Jim
Apologies I did not mean to suggest that anyone would have to cause to think you'd react in such a way. But hoping I'm barking up wrong tree n you were asking a rhetorical question.

I do suspect it may be the case that ladies I've encountered on my online dating miaadventures are equally as socially clumsy or at least it can appear this way on the face of things

Sometimes persoal rationalisation is better than the petty throwaway reasoning some are capable of. (might be worth saying I have noi doubt got things horribly wrong and likely hurt others' feelings unintentionally).

[FAndrews]

sadly its over, yet again this year it has fallen apart even before i get to meet her. she decided that she is too busy as at the moment, she isnt right for me, something has come up and that she shouldn't have let it go this far. right back to square one it seems.

damn online dating

[Jim]

Those bullshit excuses are almost as bad as abruptly stopping all conversation without a word.

Oh well, onto the next one.

[FAndrews]

yep it sucks, getting tired of that kind of nonsense or some silly excuse. hopefully something real will turn up soon.

[shisu]

I have been on a well known dating site beginning with M for around 2-3 years, I've not got anywhere but mostly my fault as I tend to wait for things to happen rather than go for it myself, I have had a fair amount of interest to my surprise but similar experience to above - people will 'wink' or send a quick message then you reply and they either don't or we exchange 1 or 2 more messages and then they stop answering, I could kind of understand this if I was the one 'instigating' things and they didn't really like what they saw and didn't want to hurt my feelings by saying it, but seems a bit odd when they started things off, I'm not really sure what they are expecting me to say?, I ask them simple questions which are not too blunt/offensive but it's as if they are expecting me to 'chase' or something?, surely then I am just looking desperate?, is this flirting? lol.

Starting to think there is much to be said for these more 'adult themed' dating sites where things get to the point more quickly lol.

[magpie84]

Hey,

Am sorry about your experiences, but also glad to hear this is not just me! I mean, i have paid for sites where it is the same or on match.com i constantly get new messages from france or somewhere abroad..when it specifically says i want to meet someone at very least in my country. It was a waste of money and POF very much...can be soul destroying. I also have even found that I can be open and honest with people about my difficulties, feel such a sense of relief when they say heyy no worries...thatnks for being honest, so genuine of you and continue talking...so maybe i shouldn't. Because a day or so later..they again just stop..I would imagine what also happens is they start messaging someone else, that is fine..but if they initiated contact..(i get quite angry when I think about how someone could argue, dyspraxia..lack of social skills, eye contact etc...could be a problem) then you got people on there, probably most of whom won't have anything similar..but it's not autism or anything else other than complete ignorance and bad manners...forget about eye contact and all the things we as sufferers worry about when trying to connect with someone new. Some just aren't worth the bother. I have had similar issues recently on POF and being a lesbian, doesn't help either as there are far fewer people out there. I sometimes find battling with dyspraxia and the whole lifestyle or means of meeting someone (already based around the scene or big groups or cliches), terrifying and also as many seem to say lesbians tend to meet one another...venture on the phsyical, nsa side first before they go further and being shy, anxious and worried how i come across...really poses a barrier. As soon as i state i want to get to know someone slowly, build up trust, they become half interested.