Arguement with friend

[ceres108]

I recently had a massive falling out with someone who was supposed to be my best friend, where it came out that she thinks I'm cold and rude. We have had other fallings out in the past where she has also told me that I can be condescending and critical.

I am a recently diagnosed dyspraxic, and am only just coming to terms with a lot of the ways that I act and think being part of that. A lot of what I've read has made me feel really down. I suppose I've always been aware that I didn't get social rules and etiquette like everyone else did and that in some social situations make me feel anxious and awkward. But relating it to being dyspraxic has made it seem even more real, because it's hard to imagine I might spend all my life going through periods of anxiety and stressing about going to new places because I don't know how people expect me to act.

So right now having my friend tell me all these things comes as a real blow. I don't really consider myself to be any of these things. Maybe I don't always act approximately because I misread a situation, and that can be misinterpreted as rudeness, but I kind of expect someone who has been such a close friend to know me well enough to know who I am, and know that I would never intentionally try to hurt someones feelings, like all these traites would do. The argument ended in me saying that I was how I was and if she couldn't accept that then we couldn't be friends.

But now I'm wondering whether I'm wrong. I really don't know how to be different to how I am. I would love to be less socially awkward if I could. Is expecting her to understand this too much? Does anyone else come across problems like this with friends?

[Jake468]

'The argument ended in me saying that I was how I was and if she couldn't accept that then we couldn't be friends' - you're absolutely in the right here in my opinion. If she truly is your friend then she'll apologise and make up with you, otherwise she really isn't worth your time.

[Tom fod]

It's horrible isn't it. It sounds as if your friend should have at least tried to be a little more sensitive and diplomatic. A lot of us are perfectionists and demand often impossibly high standards or ourselves and as we put such a lot of time and effort into things we can really feel floored by others' detrimental comments, even when they meant to be constructive.

I hope you and your friend have managed to get over this disagreement as I sense you both said things in the heat of the moment in a highly charged and emotional situation.