No social life/Loner

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Mcewan90
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No social life/Loner

Post by Mcewan90 »

Hey guys I just want to know if there's anyone in the same position as me,im 24 and have little to no social life, I have around 300 friends on facebook but its like I don't exist, I added allot of my old friends from school that I was very close to but they don't acknowledge me,message me, or like any my posts. when im on facebook it always seems to be me that messages someone first its very rare someone will message me apart from family members. I used to have a great social life when I was younger and was hardly ever at home but now its the complete opposite. it sometimes hurts me when I see my friends on facebook posting pictures of nights out and having fun because I never seem to get invited anywhere. I work part time as a carer but in my spare time I literally do nothing and will spend the whole day sitting on my laptop apart from when I take my dog for a walk. this is affecting my health both mentally and physically and really need some social stimulation. I have told many of my old friends that we need to meet up for a drink but nothing seems to come from it. I know there are activities that I could do on my own but its the company I miss. I only have 10 contacts in my phone I even put my number on facebook but no-one messaged me. I just want to know if anyone is in the same boat and how do you cope with it?

thanks
Jim
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Re: No social life/Loner

Post by Jim »

I've always been someone who can count his friends on one hand and still have fingers to spare. My social life has ranged from very quiet indeed to non existent.

But there's only one thing to do to change that.

Go out and socialise. Join a club or something, that way you meet new people and have more chance of broadening your social circle.
“When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie
That's amore” :whistle:
RGabb
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Re: No social life/Loner

Post by RGabb »

As Jim says, I can too like Jim count my friends on one hand and have a couple of fingers to spare, but to help find more friends I recently joined the new leisure centre in the town near where i live so I can use the gym and other facilities it offers, no only do you get exercise which helps you, but also you get to meet people, which as i only literally just started i haven't met anyone yet but i plan too once im settled in, i can sort of relate usually when im at home no one speaks to me i am usually the one to start conversations off so it is a bit lonely but im working on ways to make friends. I go to gym on my own, unless my sister comes to go swimming which I go with her otherwise she wouldn't come, is terrible for me as she so anxious sometime I wonder if she is Dyspraxic too even if its low level, anyway, i would love to have friends who i can go with to the gym which hopefully will happen one day. But like Jim says and I mentioned go out to places and im sure you will find some
Tom fod
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Re: No social life/Loner

Post by Tom fod »

Hi Hope you don't mind I've moved this, though have left a shadow.

This can feel like a struggle for me too at times. Sometimes it's about getting out and doing it but I share the feeling of being overlooked at times. I think it can be the case that we feel isolated by our differences and we may not always necessarily want to do the stuff/go to the places our friends do but equally feel left out for not being invited.

Maybe you could organise a get together yourself. Try starting small and try to choose your time well so it doesn't clash with other events/peoples downtime between events work etc. Maybe start by inviting those who you get on with best or those who are on the periphery but who might relish an invite and you might find you have things in common with. Try not to lose heart if initial efforts fail as people can be like sheep at times, (difficult to herd/organise).

Hope this gives you some ideas for avenues to explore.
Tom
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With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)
Jim
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Re: No social life/Loner

Post by Jim »

Have you considered joining a social group on meetup?

I joined one local to me, it organises things like walks, days out, meals, pub quizzes, bowling, badminton etc.

It's a good way to get out to meet people in a pressure free environment.
“When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie
That's amore” :whistle:
Moot
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Re: No social life/Loner

Post by Moot »

I get this, too. How many friends do I need to go through and then them suddenly not giving a crap?? Why must it always be me trying to make an effort to see anyone? etc etc. Facebook just pronounces these things with stuff being thrown up in my face and causing me jealousy and all that. Now I don't even have a bf to go places with this will be an even lonelier year. My birthday will be grim - but they usually are, anyway. This constant feeling not particularly liked by people - their lack of sh!ts given - screws with my mind more than anything else, I think. So fed up of it all. >_>

And you're not always necessarily in the best position to just go and join clubs. A few things that have done haven't really produced results.

Extra paragraph removed!
Last edited by Moot on Tue Nov 03, 2015 11:48 am, edited 1 time in total.
Hopefully not making too many moot points... heh... *ahem* :D
Tom fod
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Re: No social life/Loner

Post by Tom fod »

Hi Moot

Perhaps he's in a relationship or has other stuff going on in his life at the moment? Instead of going with in with Why don't you contact me anymore or why do you say so little when you do respond, maybe start with something like how are things not heard from you in a long while. remember when we used to chat about x. What are you up to these days? I've been . . Would be good to see you again, fancy meeting up?

I don't think it's any reflection on us personally but people seem to have so many things competing for their attention these days and many people are left feeling they're no longer 'important' (not sure this is best or right word here) enough to be cared about. I guess the very short responses people give are symptomatic of this. It does my head in too!

I wish I knew the answers myself. I guess I stay in a safe zone and don't stick my neck out very far to try and make the opportunities because of a pessimistic sense of why bother it'll be a wasted effort. It might not be so we might as well try and prove our pessimism wrong for once.
Tom
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With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)
Moot
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Re: No social life/Loner

Post by Moot »

Thanks for response, Tom! The thought came to me while I was really struggling to get to sleep so you always get a bit more emotional about things. In 'proper' daytime thought, I decided to leave a very short FB message, just saying hope things are going well, with just one word that sounds a bit jokey but might be double-read as 'it's been a looong time goddammit'. I feel better with myself for not typing out a heartfelt essay, but here's hoping he properly replies. :P
Hopefully not making too many moot points... heh... *ahem* :D
Tom fod
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Re: No social life/Loner

Post by Tom fod »

You're welcome. I think I can be too open about my feelings/fears and it doesn't help that I'm a bit different from your typical bloke, guess it's down to who I am but it can be a strain at times as I too want to find someone who accepts me for who I am and want's to be with me. (anyway enough axe grinding from me there)

Given he's a guy he may not want to say too much as this might be contradictory to how open he feels he should be. I do wonder if Social Media in someways has influenced how much we say to each other. Either way we risk that what we say/type is misinterpreted whether it is a lot, or too little.
Tom
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With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)
FiloZofo
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Re: No social life/Loner

Post by FiloZofo »

Join a club/ group and volunteer.

You can meet some awesome people and it can open lots of doors to you.

I joined the scouts as a adult (Scout Network), and have new friends who I see every now and then. What's great is that they can't really refuse your participation, especially for group activities.
Also, going camping with them allows you to meet new people and share even more awesome experiences with (like getting lost in Bristol)!

Good luck :)


FiloZofo
FiloZofo, son of Zofo the Philosopher.
uniquecharlie
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Re: No social life/Loner

Post by uniquecharlie »

I know exactly how u feel, I have a couple of people I speak to online and one best friend but she lives in America so we on,y get to see each other once a year. My online friend I would meet up and see every week stopped talkin and one of my best guy friends I would talk to for hours each day just joined the army so I'm feeling really isolated right now.
no i may not be physically alone, but mentally there is noone in sight
will
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Re: No social life/Loner

Post by will »

i find the loneliness absolutely crippling at times. I have to put a lot of effort in to not 'feeding' it and accept its only a feeling and it will pass.

iv not done social media for maybe a year and a half. i know i may be missing some good stuff but i get sick of the daily B.S distracting me from my actual life.

i find maintaining relationships hard, they seem to take a lot of effort.

voluteering is a brilliant way of meeting likeminded people who share the same passion and theres nothing like giving back to make you feel absolutely amazing.

yoga helps me find peace too

x
Me on a good day ~ yeah, life is hard. some have to work harder than others! no pain no gain! etc...
Me on a bad day ~ ......meh..... :shake:
Keepgoingup2
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Re: No social life/Loner

Post by Keepgoingup2 »

I am in the same boat, everytime I want to make new friends, its like I am being pulled apart. I can just not connect with people because I guess I am not extroverted enough. I have no problem talking to people but its just they never to want to meet me aswell, I think you should try meetup apps? Or even message a few people here if they are local to you.
Anothersarah
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Re: No social life/Loner

Post by Anothersarah »

I've tried local meetups groups, and it helps get me out but I've always found that people in them tend to be more normal. Meetups can fulfill a need to have folks to hang out with, but I often fail to connect and make meaningful friendships.
Tom fod
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Re: No social life/Loner

Post by Tom fod »

Anothersarah wrote:I've tried local meetups groups, and it helps get me out but I've always found that people in them tend to be more normal. Meetups can fulfill a need to have folks to hang out with, but I often fail to connect and make meaningful friendships.
No No No not the 'N' word! (and by that I mean 'Normal'!)

'Normal' IMHO is very much a subjective term. It can be a struggle to find people who are our own brand of 'normal' as we're all individuals with different things in common. It's hard to define what normal is but it's never good when we feel we are outside this mythical state but I hope at least some of us here are your kind of normal (Welcome)

There are handful of people here from the USA but appreciate it's a huge country having seen only small parts myself.

I fear my own sense of humour is not quite normal. :evilb:
Tom
Moderator/Administrator

With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)
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