Girlfriend of severely dyspraxic guy, need help

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littlebird
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Girlfriend of severely dyspraxic guy, need help

Post by littlebird »

So I've been best friends with my boyfriend for 7 years and in a relationship for 2 years, he has recently been diagnosed as severely dyspraxic, he struggles to be there for me when I need him, and he doesn't understand the importance of being there for me, I am going through some real tough times right now and subsequently suffering from depression, but his priorities seem to lie elsewhere. Previously when I've had an emotional breakdown he ignored my messages, and right now where I'm having bad personal problems he doesn't reply for a while, saying he was having a coffee or playing video games when I need him desperately, I can't seem to get him to understand this, am I just being selfish thinking he should be there for me? Surely I shouldn't have to ask him to care, it should just come naturally to want to help your loved one in times of need? How do I make him understand? Whenever I try he just tells me to stop having a go at him, he doesn't want to hear it. Is this part of the dyspraxia or is this his personality? Please help, feeling very stuck and alone right now, thank you in advanced.
Last edited by littlebird on Sun Mar 01, 2015 6:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Jim
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Re: Girlfriend of severely dyspraxic guy, need help

Post by Jim »

Ultimately it's personality.

Parts may be affected by the dyspraxia but that doesn't change the fact a good relationship is a two way process and he has to compromise for you as much as you do for him.

Being dyspraxic doesn't mean you don't care.. It might affect how you show and communicate it, but if he really can't appreciate that then I doubt it's to do with the dyspraxia as by and large we're quite good at emphasising.

He could perhaps have traits more on the aspergic side of the autism scale, but personality may well be the bigger culprit here.
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Tom fod
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Re: Girlfriend of severely dyspraxic guy, need help

Post by Tom fod »

Hi Littlebird

I wonder if you could try from the 'we need to fight our demons together' perspective.

How is he dealing with his recent diagnosis? His shutting himself away and escaping into video games suggests he might be struggling with his own thoughts as much as you are struggling with yours. It's very possible he has become so inwardly focussed on trying to get his head around what his own situation means, that he has unintentionally become oblivious. He may be worrying that can't cope with/look after his own emotional wellbeing let alone that of his girlfriend too.

I hope you are able to encourage each other to find some outside help/support so that you can support each other through your respective difficulties and come out the other side happier and stronger.
Tom
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littlebird
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Re: Girlfriend of severely dyspraxic guy, need help

Post by littlebird »

Thank you both, helpful replies. He's quite a careless character, not a lot concerns him, he doesn't seem too concerned about his diagnosis he just sees it as an explanation to some of his traits. Maybe this kind of behavior could be because of his poor memory, he has admitted that he sometimes forgets about me and my feelings, he has previously lied to me about using drugs because he thinks what I don't know can't hurt me. I want to help him, I try and be there for him as much as possible. How can I support him and therefore possibly make our relationship more balanced and happier? Just feeling quite confused right now
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