My dyspraxic boyfriend and his ,,bad days"

[CheddarGirl92]

Hi everyone
I'm 22 and new here.

So my boyfriend (23) has dyspraxia and we have been going out for 4 years. We're really happy with each other as we accept each other's ,,flaws".
Sometimes it can be very hard though.
When he is having a ,,bad day" he seems to go on and on about a certain thing,which he all of a sudden gets thoughtful about, for example when he feels like nobody has ever taken him seriously in school. Then he feels like the whole world is against him and is convinced he is the unluckiest person when it comes to socialising.
So what he tends to do is talk to me about his feelings and experiences, which I know off by heart because he keeps telling me the same stories over and over again.
It got to a point, where I just listen nowadays without saying anything, as I have done before, where he gets offended and feels like I'm not interested, which is not true at all.

I wonder if anyone can relate to what he's feeling?
I want to be there for him and support him the best I can!
Really looking forward to hearing your experiences

[Tom fod]

Hi
I too can get very worked up about certain situations and find it difficult to let go.
I guess that if you were to spin in it a positive light it is because we care and do not like to see what we see as injustice.

[Jim]

I'd broadly echo Tom here, but would also not try to pin it on the dyspraxia.

Don't get me wrong, the dyspraxia definitely affects things in so many ways. But it doesn't need to define our personalities.

[CheddarGirl92]

Thanks for your answers

Tom, he gets extremely worked up about certain situations, too and can never let things go. It can be a right nightmare tbh.

But yeahh I know what you mean Jim, that's why I was wondering if anyone who has dyspraxia feels the same way or if it is just his personality. I think it comes with his depression and anxiety he has.

[Jim]

I kind of know what your'e getting at.

As a Dyspraxic it's very easy to perceive other 'normal' people as seeing us as somehow defective, but that's because most of us are really self conscious and acutely aware of our own difficulties.

I it can make us feel really inept at times, and it does feel like an injustice. But when we try to explain it, it simply sounds rediculous and scarcely believable.

My own little quirks sometimes make me feel depressingly inadequate, which is daft. It's daft because I'm an idenpedant person who is more than capable of holding their own.

However, it still feels like those little quirks are always waiting to pull me back down. For example, I have speech difficulty and sometimes not only do I struggle to clearly pronounce my words but my words and sentences come out all jumbled up.

A few weeks ago I had my hair cut and I had one of those moments.. I stuttered over my words and in my haste to cover that up I asked for buzz cut, with no.3 on the sides and no.2 on top. Which is ofcourse a bit back to front But I obviously meant it the other way round but this hair dresser gave me such a look and tone of patronising condescension that it me feel really belittled. Which is ironic really, since I hold down a job which is probably more challenging and better paid than theirs.

It's silly really, because a lot of that is simply how we perceive as other people perceiving us. It's pointless because it really shouldn't matter a jolt and I can sympathise with you if you get tired of your boyfriend banging on about it.

Because he does need to accept himself for who/what he is and not what he thinks other people thinks he is. Confidence and self esteem don't develop out of constantly knocking oneself or complaining about your predicament.

But again, it's not really the dyspraxia at fault here, it's the personality, however much it may be shaped by the dyspraxia and social environment.

[Tom fod]

Thanks for bringing that out Jim. I agree. It's not really possible to define what ‘a dyspraxic thing’ is and it's not right to simply blame the dyspraxia. (I also favour the same low maintenance haircut.)

Everyone has their own ways of coping and these strategies can be changed/improved if given/we give ourselves the space to do so. It's as much a case of choosing ones' battles carefully. There's no point railing against something that we have very little or no control over. It is usually better to think and then respond rather than to simply react. This applies to everyone, digging ones' heels in/hanging on like ‘grim death’ is not necessarily the best course of action to take. However, some are quite adept at it and may incorrectly favour this stance for every situation.

CheddarGirl: If you think it might help and you want to point your boyfriend in this direction, this thread can be removed and I can send a copy to you as a private message/email.