Addressing issues with each other

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Niffnaff
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Joined: Wed Nov 05, 2014 9:49 pm

Addressing issues with each other

Post by Niffnaff » Wed Nov 05, 2014 11:04 pm

I am in a long term relationship with a loving man, (diagnosed with dyspraxia at a young age) we both have a young child together.

Addressing average relationship topics has never been easy for both of us.

For a long time, I was long winded, verbally confrontational and wordy with my approach.
His reaction has always been short tempered, physical (such as, pointing in face, poking/prodding me, punching things)

The bottom line of both our behaviours was that he becomes frustrated quickly when he cannot explain things clearly and that I would quickly become frustrated because all I would see was instant anger and very little talk/explanation.

Something had to give. We gradually came up with coping mechanisms, a more in depth understanding of each other.
Where I am high impact verbally, I toned down. I became better at walking away from an intense situation to give us both space, gave thought over my approach to be calmer, less words more patience and looking for an understanding rather than a description.

This in turn helped him feel less pressured and helped tone down his temper.

However, with a young child in the picture, our once helpful coping mechanisms have quickly turned to mush.

I'm not sure if it is a case of not being able to 'get it all out' in fear of either waking up our child in the evening, setting bad example or atmosphere in the daytime which is causing the added stress.

But I have noticed that for a while now, even with a passive approach, he very quickly gets angered, now describing any of our talks as an attempt of me trying to make him feel guilty or lousy.

Does or has anyone else been in a similar situation? I would love to hear any feedback or advice, it has began to really upset me as it feels such an impossible situation. I don't know how I can build on our relationship without upsetting or angering him.

lukasmit
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Joined: Thu Nov 13, 2014 1:54 pm

Re: Addressing issues with each other

Post by lukasmit » Thu Nov 13, 2014 1:55 pm

I have the same situation man !

Tom fod
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Re: Addressing issues with each other

Post by Tom fod » Sat Nov 15, 2014 4:43 pm

I wonder if the additional responsibility and pressure of having a child to look after have left him feeling scared and worried. I'm single and childless myself, so my only suggestion is that he seeks help to be less frustrated with himself (andor others) when things seem to be getting outside of his comfort zone.

Maybe some other outlet that he can use to take himself outside and de escalate when he gets the feeling certain triggers are being/have been hit. The decision to do this needs to be his, or he needs to feel it he who has taken the decision to do this. Obviously you'll want to support him and for him to know that you do since it affects your collective functioning as a family unit.

Hope this helps and it doesn't read too much like babble. You've been able to work through issues before and things improved You and he need to revisit and update strategies for the current situation.
Tom
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With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)

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