My first love

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shadowgirl021
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Posts: 95
Joined: Tue Jul 26, 2011 8:58 pm

My first love

Post by shadowgirl021 »

I have written about my friend who turned into my boyfriend before but in case of not remembering, Me and my friend were friends for over a year before he suddenly realised he liked me. I liked him back and so began a six month relationship. A lot of milestones were had. I don't want to be crude but I lost my virginity to him, and though I was shy to do this at first now I feel more at ease telling him how much I love him, to the point where I am obsessing and think about him non stop.

At the beginning, he was the one who told me he loved me constantly and he always arranged to meet up with me, no matter how busy he was, we would email when he was away and just spend all our time together, even when it became harder to due to him leaving our workplace. He would text me every day, tell me I was beautiful, tell me he misses me and buy me chocolates, just because. For my birthday, he bought me this cutest teddy bear.

Six months on, I told him I did't want a baby this year and my punishment seems to be him becoming gradually less intimate. I Went to my friends 30th birthday and saw a lot of drunk idiots. I texted him saying I was glad he wasn't like that and told him I loved him. My response Is it? :) bearing in mind 6 months ago he would have told me he loved me. I am now trying to currently see him but he keeps saying he is busy and avoids to pick a day we can talk. He is leaving in September so I wanted us to spend as much time as we could. He was on board with that at first but now he doesn't seem to be.

We have gone from not arguing to arguing twice in two weeks. The last one was how he was apparently committing a sin by seeing me and being with me because he wants a baby and the point of a relationship according to him is getting married and having children. So we need to talk, expect we cant, because he is busy where 6 months ago he would have made time.

I don't know what to do. I love him so much, and I know I have come across as self involved, just don't know what to do. I have never been hurt this much. An hour ago I was sobbing my heart out over him. I have kept his earlier text messages. They are so sweet.
Tom fod
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Re: My first love

Post by Tom fod »

Hi sorry to hear things have taken a bad turn. It is not fair that he cannot accept that the time is not right for you having a baby this year. It is a huge undertaking and while he might feel he is ready it will have a far greater physiological and emotional impact on you as the mother. Once your child (or children) are born you then have to support them for the next 18 years and beyond which also brings its own challenges.

You need to try and explain what your expectations, fears and concerns are. Maybe it would be helpful to speak to a friend or relative with their own children or your GP or practise nurse about it. Could having a pre-natal check-up be an idea or would he get the wrong idea and pressurise you further?

I feel I need to add I've not been in a relationship myself or have any children but I would want me and any future partner to be as ready as possible and on the same page about such a life changing decision.
Tom
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shadowgirl021
Regular Poster
Posts: 95
Joined: Tue Jul 26, 2011 8:58 pm

Re: My first love

Post by shadowgirl021 »

Thank you for your reply and honestly, it doesn't matter. Before my relationship, I sometimes got asked about relationships and I tell them what I feel and think they feel grateful for a response, which is how I feel now so thank you :)

I have kind of explained why I don't want children now. I have said I have work, starting college next month but he said and he is right they are excuses. If I wanted children, I could return to those, just at a later date. I have two reasons but I can't tell him, though easier telling people here though not in great detail

1) I want more world/life experience. Growing up, my mum didn't have much of this and this frustrated me.

2) He is conservative and traditional. He knows I wont do the domestic house wife routine, but because of his culture/faith women are still inferior to men. He also believes in censor ship.

I love him deeply but there we are. I did realise that yes, for the 18 years my life would be upside down and am not ready for that at all, but his departure means he knows we want different things. Just will miss him so much.
lauraECFan
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Re: My first love

Post by lauraECFan »

please don't be pushed into having a baby. do ur studies first as if u have a child now even though u can study later it will be alot harder to actually get to do it as u will be worried about leaving the child at school or something. if ur boyfriend truly loves u he will wait till u r good and ready
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