Need help please :( By Mastodon2288

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Need help please :( By Mastodon2288

Post by Mastodon2288 » Tue Jul 01, 2014 5:22 am

Me and a friend started a long-distance relationship in March, and I wanted to come see her in December. She's only 20 and has dyspraxia/dyslexia. She lives in Scotland and she wants to live in America with me. She lives with her parents, and I understand the concern they must have for her, as they are very protective and cautious about her decisions. Her parents seem to approve of us being together, from what she tells me. What concerns me is even though I've been talking to this girl for 6 months, her parents won't even try to talk to me. Every time I ask her if I can speak with her parents they just keep putting it off, and I just don't know if they're on board with it. I'm worried that they have custody of her, she claims they'll let her come to America on holiday in Scotland, but she's also told me that they've changed their minds a few times like saying "No one in the family can leave the country." So I'm not so sure, she also tells me when she was 18 and she tried to go visit her ex in England, her parents called the police and they returned her back home. This has been a pretty complicated situation for me, I've asked my family and they have no answers or help they can give me. I just want her parents to approve before doing anything. I really don't understand or know the laws in the UK, but if she's disabled, and she told me she would be on disability later this year, I don't feel too safe going over there. I need help, is she free to do what ever she wants without her parents consent, or could they just have me go to jail or prison for trying to be with her. I just don't know what to do, any help would be greatly appreciated, and I'll answer any questions. For the most part she doesn't seem to have major symptoms of dyspraxia, and she was about to get a job, but had to decline because of a wedding, so hopefully that's a sign of independence. I just really want her to be happy, thank you.

Tom fod
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Re: Need help please :(

Post by Tom fod » Tue Jul 01, 2014 8:08 pm

Hi and welcome.

This all seems a bit confusing. In theory once she's 18 she's an adult. However since she is still living under their roof? she may have to comply with their wishes to a certain extent. Without knowing exactly what her personal situation is I can't, nor do I think it's right, to speculate or make assumptions.

If she was 18 when she was picked up and returned home by the police at her parents bidding this does seem unusual, unless there are other factors/reasons. Again it would be wrong to speculate over what these might be without knowing the facts.

Some things don't seem to add up right. She had to decline employment due to a wedding? Whose wedding? No one in the family can leave the country?

Her parents not seeming to want to speak to you seems a little strange. Maybe you could try writing a letter or email to them for her to pass on? Perhaps they are not yet ready to accept you or take you seriously due to distance/location or other perceived differences, age of culture perhaps, between the two of you?

Hope you are able to get answers to these questions so you can determine what is going on and whether meeting is a viable or sensible option. I hope it works out for you.

With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)

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Re: Need help please :( By Mastodon2288

Post by Mastodon2288 » Sat Jul 05, 2014 9:27 pm

Well her ex seemed to be a bit abusive, she told me he was creepy too. She told me he ignored her most of the time, always moaned and groaned and never smiled or acted happy with, he sometimes yelled at her, and she said he almost broke her wrist because he grabbed it really hard, pushed her on the bed. My girlfriend also has weak ankles, she says when she goes up hills she could fall on her ankle. She also said she did fall on her ankle one time with her ex, and fell and busted her knee open, and said her ex did not even help her. I don't know if that's why her parents called the police on her, but that's the only reason I can figure out, because I don't even know if she told her parents what her ex did to her.

She had to decline a job because she has to go to her sister's wedding for a few days, her mom is forcing her to do it from what I here. Her parents are really the most confusing thing out of all of this, because they keep acting strange. Keep in mind I'm just going by what she says because she's the only one talking to me, but she said when she was trying to find a job and her parents weren't helping her at all with it, and just kept putting it off, then about one or two weeks later they started to help her. They've also done this other times with me and her, they've said she can go to America in the future, then later they said no you can't leave the country, then they said ok you can go again. I don't know why they keep changing their minds, and the fact they won't talk to me or my parents doesn't help. She said her parents are just afraid of the guns in America, she said her mom said everyone in America has a gun and is paranoid of the violence and stuff, which none of that is true.

At first her parents seemed to be all on board at first, her mom and dad were asking about me at times how I was doing, and asking about the bands i'm into, what I do for a living. But just now recently she told me her mom said something mean about me, she said I must be poor because I live in a trailer, her mom is Scottish and her Dad is American. She says she gets along more with her dad, and takes more after him, she likes more of the stuff he likes and gets along with him way better, but she says her mom tries to control her and try to make her be someone she doesn't want to be. She claims her mom is hiding something, and controlling her husband into always taking her side otherwise she will divorce him. So everything her mom says goes, unless there is something my girlfriend can do, but again I don't know if she could be independent, I just want her to be happy and to be free, she has no friends hardly at all, her parents just keep her in the house, they'll take her out every now and then to the movies or to go shopping. And she just says her parents prefer her sister over her, because all they do is talk about her and let her do whatever she wants, and they aren't helping my girlfriend at all with anything hardly, she says most of the time her parents won't even speak to her.

Hope that helps and I'll try to give as much info as I can
Last edited by Tom fod on Sun Jul 06, 2014 8:48 am, edited 2 times in total.
Reason: removal of detail of a sensitive nature concerning a 2nd person.

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