Need some advice for a situation with my bf

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Need some advice for a situation with my bf

Post by jecc09 » Sun Jun 15, 2014 3:55 pm

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to start by saying how amazing you all are for taking the time to read this.

Ive been with my boyfriend for almost a year now, he has dyspraxia which I knew of to begin with and we've worked through any issues so far without too much difficulty, ive always been very patient as I know it is difficult for him to discuss things with me to begin with but thats all been fine.

And now to the issue... recently I caught my boyfriend sexting another girl, and when I confronted him he couldn't even explain why he did it, and explained that he didn't ever want to follow through on any of the things suggested in the conversations with this other girl. He insisted he would stop and it was all good and well.... until yesterday... I found he had gone out of his way to create a second email account to continue the behaviour. I again asked why he continued to jeopardize our relationship for the sake of x rated conversation, and even stated that if he wanted this kind of attention he need but ask or hint. He again said he can't explain the situation and he feels he wasnt even conscious of the fact that he had gone out of the way to do it again. I also found out he had signed on for accounts on dating sites while we have been together, and he again said he had no idea and didn't even recall the name of the site when I confronted him about it. I can confirm this by the complete shock on his face when we discussed it.

I guess what im seeking here is advice as to whether this can all be linked to the habits associated with his dyspraxia. He believes it is, and we are seeing a counselor tomorrow to hopefully get to the bottom of this, but I guess im looking for any ideas or advice anyone may have or even to see if anyone else has been in a similar situation at all?

I love my partner very much and have no intention of leaving, as I believe it wasn't a conscious act and that there is no evidence that he does not care for or love me. I am just merely hoping for some insight in the situation as the relationship is still very new in all reality.

I should also mention my partner did have a history of hook ups in the past. From what he has lead me to believe, a lot of them. He was also in the military previosuly, and he feels that has amplified certain aspects of his dyspraxia, and caused him to compartmentalise far too many things... But his view on cheating is that it is unacceptable and he doesnt feel he deserves the chances im giving him to continue the relationship as ge feels he has acted completely inappropriately. And doesn't deserve the chance to continue to have me as a part of his life.

I apologise if the subject matter is inappropriate or too heavy, I guess I am just really seeking any advice I can as to whether his dyspraxia may be causing or part there of thr cause of the issue

Any advice appreciated and thank you all in advance

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Re: Need some advice for a situation with my bf

Post by mattie » Sun Jun 15, 2014 4:14 pm

Nothing to do with dyspraxia. I'd leave him if I were you, but whatever your choice, the best of luck. :)

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Re: Need some advice for a situation with my bf

Post by Tom fod » Sun Jun 15, 2014 4:33 pm


I don't think his having dyspraxia has any bearing on this at all. He said he would stop after being caught the first time but has continued behind your back. The look of shock was more to do with him realising his lies had been found out. We're all human and will all look at other people, but swapping intimate pictures/sending explicit messages to someone when you're already in a relationship just does not seem right?

Also could his position on "I don't deserve a second chance" be an indication he wants out? I hope you can sort this out as you obviously love him. Please don't believe that all guys (dyspraxic, or otherwise) are like this!

With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)

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Re: Need some advice for a situation with my bf

Post by joy » Sun Jun 15, 2014 6:01 pm

Nothing to do with Dyspraxia so dont listen to the excuses that he makes because of this .A cheater will always a cheater in my eyes ,and will always make excuses for his behaviour. You will always looking over your shoulder as to whether you can trust him or not. You deserve better so I would find someone who does appreciate you as he doesn't deserve you.

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Re: Need some advice for a situation with my bf

Post by Jim » Sun Jun 22, 2014 3:47 pm

I echo the above, this has bugger all to do with dyspraxia. If that is how he behaves and he knows he's doing wrong then he's simply a bit of an arsehole (with or without dyspraxia).
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Re: Need some advice for a situation with my bf

Post by Moot » Wed Jun 25, 2014 10:53 am

Agreed -- there's no excuses for that kind of behaviour, whether they have a learning difficulty, other diagnosed problems, or not. (So incidentally I am saying it shouldn't be linked.) This behaviour is something that can be controlled and quite simply he is not really pushing himself to do so. You shouldn't have to put up with it. Although if it's something you really want to work through I can't say much more than I hope the best for you in working things out.
Hopefully not making too many moot points... heh... *ahem* :D

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