What to expect dating a Dyspraxia guy

[Emma1976]

I recently met a really cute & intelligent guy. He told me he has dyspraxia & he is disorganised, has a scattered brains & bad with direction & sequence. He wants to take the relationship to the next level but I'm afraid of committing myself as I do not know what to expect & also afraid of hurting him.I have read up a lot on Dyspraxia lately but apart from the usual symptoms of organising, motor skills etc, I still don't get a good grasp of what to expect dating a Dyspraxia guy. Can I expect him to be a like a normal boyfriend ? What should I expect ? I do like him a lot though.

[Tom fod]

Emma

THank you for posting, it gives us single dyspraxic males hope that there are decent ladies out there.

My advice would be to ask him how he wants to be treated. I suspect he will want to be treated as normally as anyone else with maybe a little extra patience and forbearance as regards his quirks. Are you potentially his first girlfriend? Be open about what you like/need and expect, and encourage him to do likewise. See him as a person rather than a person with dyspraxia if possible.

All the best and I hope it works out well for both of you.

[Jim]

See him as a person rather than a person with dyspraxia if possible.

Exactly this.

Basically, you need to put the whole dyspraxia thing to the very back of your head, because whilst it's part of what we are it doesn't define who we are.

Just get to know him, like you would with any other friend.

[Emma1976]

Hi Guys,

Thanks for advice ! I will be extra patient & understanding. Hope things turn out well !

Cheers

[FAndrews]

good luck with that, sounds like the kind of girl i need

[Blue Angel]

Hi, I'm new here.
I hope to get some answers.
For 3 yrs I've been dating a man, whom I love, but he says he can't feel the same. That's as far as its gone..dating. He likes kisses and cuddles....but can't tolerate any other level of intimacy..either emotional or physical. We can't go to the cinema as he can't bear loud noise.
Sometimes he's very forgetful. He's also over sensitive to bright lights and certain foods and textures.
Forgets I'm there on a date when something or someone else distracts him.
His speech is affected. He's never been diagnosed with any disability. His family don't know why they can't understand what he's saying. He's a really nice man and tries very hard but communication is difficult and my patience does run out from time to time.
We usually meet twice a week (unless he forgets).
We are now both 59 yrs old and I am his first 'girlfriend'.
Could he be Dyspraxic?

[Blue Angel]

Hi again,

I forgot to mention that my guy hates sports and especially football which he won't even watch. But always knows the score. In case someone asks I suppose. We are very young looking for 59 yr olds, just in case any of you have been grossed out by our ages. He fends off insults by laughing at them and can find fun in every situation, even when its not really.

[Emma1976]

Hi Blue Angle,

Thanks for sharing. Seems tough on you in maintaining this relationship. Guess you must be feeling frustrated & unappreciated at times. A big hugs for you !!!

I have only gone out thrice with this guy but I do notice he is quite forgetful & when he subsequently told me he has dyspraxia, I began to be more forgiving. I do want to know him better & treat him like any other guy.

Have you tried talking to him about how you feel ?

[Blue Angel]

Hi Emma,

Thanks for understanding....I wish you and your cute intelligent guy all the happiness in the world.
I'm not sure what the cause of my guy's different behaviour is. I spent the first few months of dating denying to myself that there was a difference. He hides it so well. Has a job he loves, driving a bus, and tries to interact verbally with his passengers.

His honesty can seem insulting sometimes, and hilarious too, but he'd never hurt anyone deliberately.
I instinctively knew early on that we couldn't get too close. But hey! I still fell for him.
I never looked for commitment, just companionship.
Trying to get answers leads to more confusion. He simply doesn't know why he can't share emotionally.

At this stage I just live in the moment.

[Steve Steveson]

I recently met a really cute & intelligent guy. He told me he has dyspraxia & he is disorganised, has a scattered brains & bad with direction & sequence. He wants to take the relationship to the next level but I'm afraid of committing myself as I do not know what to expect & also afraid of hurting him.I have read up a lot on Dyspraxia lately but apart from the usual symptoms of organising, motor skills etc, I still don't get a good grasp of what to expect dating a Dyspraxia guy. Can I expect him to be a like a normal boyfriend ? What should I expect ? I do like him a lot though.

Treat him as normal, but if you have read allot you will hopefully be ready for any "odd" things and laugh them off rather than get angry about them. It all depends on what problems he has and what coping mechanisms are in place. All you can do is go in with an open mind. He may well just seem to be a little disorganized and scatter brained. Just don't follow his directions and don't stress if he phones you when you are meeting up to say he is lost/running very late. It's not personal!

Oh, and if he is anything like me, don't be surprised if/when you see him naked (I don't know what you mean by "The next level") that he has loads of little bruises. I generally have several on my arms and legs at any one time from bumping in to things. No idea how they happen.

For 3 yrs I've been dating a man, whom I love, but he says he can't feel the same. That's as far as its gone..dating. He likes kisses and cuddles....but can't tolerate any other level of intimacy..either emotional or physical. We can't go to the cinema as he can't bear loud noise.
Sometimes he's very forgetful. He's also over sensitive to bright lights and certain foods and textures.
Forgets I'm there on a date when something or someone else distracts him.
His speech is affected.
.
.
.
Could he be Dyspraxic?

Could be. Could be aspergers. Could be a few other things. It's never a good idea to diagnose someone over the Internet, especially not from someone else's description. If he is happy then don't worry about it. If he is having issues it may be worth suggesting he talk to an SPLD specialist or even his doctor.

[Emma1976]

Hi Steven,

Thanks for sharing. Unfortunately, I have yet to meet up with him to know more about him.

Apparently, he is still in a marriage with a daughter. I told him I wouldn't mind dating a divorced man with a daughter but there need to be a clean break from his current relationship.

That's the reason why I have decided not to meet him till things are settled, though I really wish I could be with him & know everything about him. However I have no idea when things will be settled and I don't wish to give
him added pressure as he just started on a new job.

It does seem tough to move this relationship forward. I can accept he has dyspraxia & willing to be more understanding & loving but I just can't start a relationship with a married guy !

[Blue Angel]

Emma,
You are right to wait. Sadly I had to finish our relationship. My ex became more and more emotionally distant. He downgraded us to just friends and lied to me. That lie was the deal breaker. He did lie by omission a lot or at least didn't seem to be able to explain about other frienships he has. This was deliberate and a source of amusement to him. But then everything is funny when emotions are removed.
He broke my heart just like I new he would.

[Lotsofsounds]

Hello Emma,

The other members have given some great advice.

I'll give you a little morsel of advice even though I personally have only had semi-flings, hugs and flirtations with the ladies and have not been in a relationship myself.

Haha anyway

The fact you two have affection for each other is a great thing! Full stop.

I am a dyspraxic man and these are the interesting, colourful and varied things you may encounter from the gentleman of your interest.

OKAY

1) MOOD SWINGS! PASSION AND EXCITEMENT THEN MAYBE ONE DAY IRRITABILITY AND DEPRESSION
2) GETTING TIRED EASILY AND NEEDS HIS OWN TIME
3) BEHAVIOUR THAT MAY APPEAR ODD OR NOT IN CONTEXT

BUT THE REALLY GREAT THINGS (HE IS LIKELY TO BE/HAVE...)

1) GREAT CONVERSATIONALIST; YOU'LL SPEND NIGHTS TOGETHER THAT ARE "OUT OF THIS WORLD"
2) SWEET AND VERY NURTURING...DARE I SAY VERY ROMANTIC!
3) ABLE TO GET A REALLY GOOD JOB AS WE TEND TO HAVE GREAT MEMORIES AND NEVER GIVE UP
4) LOVE OF ART...WHICH IS A LOVELY THING TO BRING TO THE RELATIONSHIP.

Anyway all the best, whatever happens.

Owen

[FAndrews]

[/quote]
I am a dyspraxic man and these are the interesting, colourful and varied things you may encounter from the gentleman of your interest.

OKAY

1) MOOD SWINGS! PASSION AND EXCITEMENT THEN MAYBE ONE DAY IRRITABILITY AND DEPRESSION
2) GETTING TIRED EASILY AND NEEDS HIS OWN TIME
3) BEHAVIOUR THAT MAY APPEAR ODD OR NOT IN CONTEXT

BUT THE REALLY GREAT THINGS (HE IS LIKELY TO BE/HAVE...)

1) GREAT CONVERSATIONALIST; YOU'LL SPEND NIGHTS TOGETHER THAT ARE "OUT OF THIS WORLD"
2) SWEET AND VERY NURTURING...DARE I SAY VERY ROMANTIC!
3) ABLE TO GET A REALLY GOOD JOB AS WE TEND TO HAVE GREAT MEMORIES AND NEVER GIVE UP
4) LOVE OF ART...WHICH IS A LOVELY THING TO BRING TO THE RELATIONSHIP.

Anyway all the best, whatever happens.

Owen[/quote]

yep thats me, through and through.

[Blue Angel]

I'm back to share an update....
Having had a three year relationship end in heartbreak in August. My amazing and sometimes confusing ex man friend contacted me this week, as if nothing had happened.
We met to have 'the talk' but instead we fell in love all over again.
This time I will not try to figure him out. We are both happier than ever.
Don't give up
You dispraxic guys can be awesome. Just let your woman know you care and enjoy the result.
I can't thank you enough for your help.
This forum is so insightful.