love life

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RichardY487
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love life

Post by RichardY487 » Sun May 04, 2014 1:36 pm

I'm a 19 year old dyspraxic male, I have never had a relationship last over a year, to be honest, I think my longest was 5 months, all my girlfriends have broken up with me due to my dyspraxia, none of that "it's not you, it's me" straight to something from there, I find it really hard making new friends, I will talk to anyone, but always get the feeling they don't want to be friends, but I do have a really close female friend who I have known for 8 years and who I'm very taken by, she is aware of my dyspraxia and my feelings towards her, but I don't know how she feels, I can't pick up most non verbal signals and some verbal signals, I tend to get too attached too quick, and I think that puts people off, but this girl is very patient with me, one of the worst things about my dyspeaxia is that I forget to eat and take my medication, especially my inhalers, she is always there, making sure I've eaten and taken my medication, we hang out every weekend, see each other most days through the week and keep staying at each others house, and manage a really high level of communication even though I work full time and she is a college student, I can't communicate with anyone as much as her, I have what they call tactile defensiveness, which means I hate been touched, but she's managed to get past that, i still hate it and it scares me, but when she touches me, i feel it as something normal, well almost, my reaction isn't as bad, I've even managed to sleep in the same bed as her, while spooning, something i never managed with any of my previous relationships/sexual partners, just goes to show, when you find the right person, they make everything better, any advice on how to not mess it up? Lol

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pouvik
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Re: love life

Post by pouvik » Sun May 04, 2014 6:31 pm

best bet man dont think and allow yourself to get out that comfort zone, I am the same as you but I managed to use my fears etc to benifit in the bedroom department. you know used it for role play and it worked well, but you need to break out of the pyschological mindset that and thats the hard thing.

RichardY487
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Re: love life

Post by RichardY487 » Tue May 06, 2014 12:17 am

Thanks, I don't have much trouble in the bedroom department, it's the getting there I have trouble with, I always seem to mess it up, one way or another, but she understands me and is very patient and caring, I'm very lucky and grateful for that :)

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pouvik
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Re: love life

Post by pouvik » Tue May 06, 2014 3:19 am

Seems you got a keeper they are a rare breed I had one but made mistake of braking it up when I lived abroad oddly moved abroad for her lol :)

FAndrews
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Re: love life

Post by FAndrews » Tue May 06, 2014 3:06 pm

so are you with this girl or just friends? having trouble telling from your post. if not always be careful with your feelings and friends, I've been in similar situations and have ended up ruining the friendship because she didn't share my feelings :( but from the sounds of it you might have a chance there.

RichardY487
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Re: love life

Post by RichardY487 » Wed May 07, 2014 3:56 am

Just 'friends' that spend a hell of a lot of time together, we keep going yo concerts, for meals, just away to places like the coast or countryside, we are even going on holiday in July, all my family think she is my girlfriend and I believe most of hers does too, bit we are jjust "friends'

FAndrews
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Re: love life

Post by FAndrews » Wed May 07, 2014 12:55 pm

hmm judging by how close you are together i think you may just have a chance there. the holiday might be an ideal opportunity to express how you feel maybe?

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Re: love life

Post by Tom fod » Wed May 07, 2014 8:38 pm

Hi Richard

Have you asked your friend or are you already aware/fearful of what the answer is would/will be? It seems like you're being given mixed messages in that you both spend a significant of time together/chat frequently and you've maybe become a little too reliant on her? Does she see you as boyfriend material, or are you just a friend she trusts and also feels responsible for?

I've got a few longstanding female friends and it often seems that society seems to have an unrealistic expectation that when a guy and a girl/woman spend a certain amount of time together they must be in an intimate/loving relationship and need to be married/raising children together. With my one friend I'm in many ways a carer/confidant but she is quite clear on the boundaries, the same goes for my other female friend, who is gay.

Other people, including/especially some family members, will always speculate/gossip or have different expectations. But it is really down to you and the person you're with as to whether you are lovers or close friends and other people should be strongly discouraged from interfering/pressuring. I think you also need to be able to take responsibility for ensuring you look after yourself as it's unfair to expect others to have to do this for you all the time.

Appreciate this might make for uncomfortable reading. Feel free to set me straight for any misinterpretation of the situation/incorrect assumptions!
Tom
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RichardY487
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Re: love life

Post by RichardY487 » Thu May 08, 2014 11:30 am

Tom,

Thanks for your input, she has hinted towards us been in a relationship, just not right now, we both kind of feel responsible for each other really, always looking out for one and other, look after each other when one of is is ill, help clean each others houses, all that sort of stuff, I am capable of looking after myself, I'm just very bad at it

FAndrews
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Re: love life

Post by FAndrews » Thu May 08, 2014 7:08 pm

well that is good and it sounds like you are practically in a relationship already with how much you do for each other :)

RichardY487
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Re: love life

Post by RichardY487 » Thu May 08, 2014 11:17 pm

Tell me about it, lol, ive only just got home from spending the last two days with her, I will see her again in the morning before I go to work then when I get home and we have arranged to spend all day Saturday together too, lol

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pouvik
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Re: love life

Post by pouvik » Thu May 08, 2014 11:29 pm

question, why do you need a label to consider her your gf? you pretty much are so screw the label and say you are will save sooo much time :P

Their is another way but its kinda of a sucky way to do it.

RichardY487
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Re: love life

Post by RichardY487 » Sat May 10, 2014 1:31 am

I suppose you're right, but it has to be a mutual thing, doesn't it, so, what's this other way you speak of? :S

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pouvik
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Re: love life

Post by pouvik » Sat May 10, 2014 4:57 pm

make her jealous ... as I said not a nice way.

But you are right needs to be mutual, so maybe you should speak to her and say "look I know we talked about this before and you not ready but we are pretty much a couple, everyone thinks we are, so why dont we be an official couple but not use the terms until you are ready"

Or something similar ... I dont advise the jealousy route as it can backfire

RichardY487
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Re: love life

Post by RichardY487 » Sat May 10, 2014 7:21 pm

Thanks for your advice, the jealousy route has worked to an extent, when she found out one of her friends thought I was attractive, she was always all over me whenever we were near that friend, I will keep you posted as to how it goes, but back to my original question, how do I not mess it up?

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