4 year rut :(

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FAndrews
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4 year rut :(

Post by FAndrews »

Well today marks 4 years since i've been on a date or had anything close to a relationship :( and yeah it sucks. I'm 28 and i've never actually been in a real relationship (last date the girl only liked me a friend anyway and nothing else), been trying OLD for almost two years now which seems to be a strange lottery or game. I have a small social circle and can be rather socially awkward, nobody available at work or among my friends, it just seems i look around me and everyone seems to have someone and i think, is there something wrong with me? what i am doing wrong?
Sorry to rant, just a rather gloomy anniversary that has left be a bit low :(
Creative
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Re: 4 year rut :(

Post by Creative »

I've been single 11 years now. I was 30 on Sunday. There's nothing wrong with you. Relationships aren't always happy ones and don't always make people happy.
FAndrews
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Re: 4 year rut :(

Post by FAndrews »

I know there is nothing wrong with being single, but I've never had otherwise to really know the difference, I've just always been single and not really given a real chance :(
Tom fod
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Re: 4 year rut :(

Post by Tom fod »

Felix

I do know the feeling as I feel caught in the same trap. I don't know how to spot the opportunities or what to do or even see if one is coming my way. I'm not looking to just hook up as I believe I want and need something more traditional. It seems everyone has a different interpretation of the unwritten rules of dating that's if they even exist for some people!

Creative: Yes being in a relationship is going to offer a new set of challenges but I want/need the opportunity to prove my worth too and experience what its like to be part of a couple. I'm not one to give up but pessimism can start to kill off any optimism.

I'm probably over thinking this/trying too hard (oh how I hate that phrase!) and need to just go out make mistakes, endure the pain and learn from it? Just struggle to really know where to even start sometimes.
Tom
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With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
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FAndrews
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Re: 4 year rut :(

Post by FAndrews »

yeah that is one of several phrases that people give as advice along with 'you're better off single' 'you're trying too hard' 'it will happen when it happens' which can be especially annoying because they are often said by people who aren't single!!
paulo
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Re: 4 year rut :(

Post by paulo »

Finding someone who matches you,
I have just come out of my own 8 year rut, and i spent most of those 8 years trying to live up to others expectation that everone just HAS to be paired off, people condesending when your not in a couple (not everyone but enough),

i found that i really had to "let go" (on a very deep level) of trying to meet someone and be genuinly happy to just be on my own, then like an unusual coincedent, i bumped into someone on a night out and have now been seeing each other since, it all happened very organically and without effort, but im certain that this was only because i wasnt looking for it.

hope this helps i know it easy to say this when your in a relashonship but i know where your coming from (ive been there).

let go!
FAndrews
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Re: 4 year rut :(

Post by FAndrews »

I don't think i can let go :( I've been single practically my whole life and just so tired and frustrated over it, i suppose its because i don't know what the other sides like, i dread to think what i would be like after 8 years :( i just have to keep trying i guess, i want to change this situation and the only way i can do that is by doing something about it!

Congrats and thanks by the way
paulo
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Re: 4 year rut :(

Post by paulo »

The act of letting go is not an easy one it has to be practiced, not holding grudges, letting go of the past and moving on, etc.
it helps to sit quietly and just repeat in your mind "let go, let go, let go" do this daily and let yourself relax and it may help.
lozcore99
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Re: 4 year rut :(

Post by lozcore99 »

I'm 21 years old and am yet to have a girlfriend. To be honest I haven't met any girls that I like at Uni so I've never felt compelled to ask anyone out since my Secondary/High School days, I guess you could say that I don't have the confidence to after being rejected a few times in my early teens but in hindsight I can admit that those girls were out of my league. When I feel strongly about someone in the future though things might be different, as a mature adult and not that same kid. I try not to get too hung up about it, although it can be frustrating sometimes when the topic of girlfriends comes up in conversation and I haven't the life experience to really contribute to the discussion. I'm sure I'll find love organically through work or what have you at some point in the next 10 years, nothing to get too worried about just yet.
Last edited by lozcore99 on Fri May 02, 2014 3:30 pm, edited 5 times in total.
pouvik
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Re: 4 year rut :(

Post by pouvik »

dont look at Dyspraxia as a disadvantage, use it to your advantage, one of the times I lived abroad, I used it a lot and success rate was quite high with picking up girls, shame I couldnt take them back to the boat :(
FAndrews
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Re: 4 year rut :(

Post by FAndrews »

my rut could soon be over, see my other thread :) see it can happen to anyone!
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