Trouble with self acceptance.

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Trouble with self acceptance.

Post by Confuzzled » Wed Mar 05, 2014 10:25 pm

Hello, I am the 35 year old Male Husband of a 30 year old Woman with Dyspraxia.
I apologize if some of you find what I say offensive, but it is how I feel and I am trying very hard to be an understanding person. I have been with my Wife for going on 8 years now, and ever since the beginning there have been struggles, we knew something was a little different, but it wasn't until recently that we finally figured out that Dyspraxia was the culprit.
Some of the struggles we have had over the years would be things like my Wife forgetting to put things away, sometimes leaving cleaning chemicals or pills lying around where our young children could get them. Once my 4 year old son ate most of a bottle of Vitamin C (thank God it was nothing else) that she had left out, and on another occasion when he was barely 3 he dumped some febreeze into his mouth that she had forgotten to put up.
The problems with working memory are probably the worst of it, but she is also very clumsy, and dropping things or breaking dishes is somewhat common.

Now all of those things are difficult to deal with, but I do my best to help her remember things and I try to be a supportive Husband; where things really get difficult however, is with my Wife's unwillingness to accept that she is different than other people. My Wife is 30 years old and she lies about herself, a lot.
I am sure that it's not easy recognizing that you are different, and I can understand that, but she is always doing things to try to convince people that she is somebody she is not.
She will often 'steal' quotes or ideas from people and try to pass it off as her own on Facebook, and accepts the false praise people give her for being so smart, or spiritual, as if she really was the one to invent the quote herself.

I probably sound like a jerk, but it's hard to deal with. It seems to me like she doesn't want to accept herself for who she is, so she tries to act like she is somebody else in order to gain acceptance.
I can understand that bit and why she would want to do it, but I am a firm believer that being true to yourself is the only way to go, and that we are who we are. Lying about who we are will just cause unnecessary pain and make it next to impossible to deal with our issues.

Anyhow, I guess I'm looking for a bit of a release, but more importantly I would like some advice as to whether or not 'faking' your way through life is common with dyspraxia, or am I perhaps seeing things the wrong way?

I am open to whatever help I can get at this point. Thank You all for your time....

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Re: Trouble with self acceptance.

Post by Jim » Wed Mar 05, 2014 11:53 pm

When you say that she lies about herself a lot, do you mean she's trying to pretend that she doesn't have some of the symptomatic difficulties that you describe, and therefore is in some kind of denial which could be harming her coping mechanisms?

Otherwise... Sharing other people's posts which happen to interest her on Facebook, doesn't have to be seen as pretending to be someome that she isn't. It's very easy to become very socially excluded when you suffer with the symptoms of something like Dyspraxia. Yet from your description it sounds like your wife is doing her best to fit in socially. On the whole I think that should be applauded and it doesn't nessecarily mean she's pretending to be somebody else or not being true to herself but actually taking an active interest in other people.

Remember irespective of our difficulties we are all still individuals, and no diagnosis pins you down to a set personality type and also.. Whoever you are it's actually very difficult to be original, because what ever you come up with, the chances are that someome else somwhere has said it already. So maybe she isn't copying things in an effort to fit in with her perception of other people but because she genuinely likes the things she quotes.

Ofcourse, you'll know your wife infinitely better than I do.. But be weary of using Dyspraxia to judge her a person. Because it shouldn't have to define who she is... She defines who she is, not some ramdom learning difference.
Jim is back ... Jim is J i m and J i m is Jim.

Confused? I'd be.

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Re: Trouble with self acceptance.

Post by Tom fod » Fri Mar 07, 2014 9:29 pm

I wholeheartedly agree with Jim

Yes the safety is issue is a concern and it would in turns annoy and worry me too. My mother has/had a habit of leaving bleach and other noxious chemicals out without putting the lid on properly, or at all. She also washes toothbrushes in the dishwasher and has some unusual ideas! I strongly she suspect I get my dyspraxicness from my parents.

I fear your wife might have become over frightened of who she is and of doing wrong? I can't fault you for being concerned for the safety of your household but I think you need to help her in learning and developing routines that work for both of you. Appreciate this is not an easy answer but if she is not happy with who or how she is she won't be able to function well at all.

As for the reposting of material that is not her own I don't think it's fair to believe it's a dyspraxic thing. A lot of people feel they don't like or want to be themselves so will try to be someone else by faking. I'm me, It's not always easy and I do wish I was different at times but would I like the reality any more if I were able to dramatically change overnight?

I'm more in your camp in believing that I have to always be true to myself which with the world we live in is also not an easy thing to do.

With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)

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Re: Trouble with self acceptance.

Post by paulo » Wed Apr 16, 2014 12:43 pm

when you say "you figured out it dyslexcia was the culprit" does that mean you have assumed ?, because if it could be some other problem, it is not healthy to self diagnose as it could be something else more serious. Also im not sure dyslexia is to be blamed for stealing quotes from facebook (i do it all the time, but not because im dyslexic), and leaving dangerous substances lying around in reach of children is not a dylexic thing that could be a more serious psycological problem.
sorry if i sound negitive but more infomation from an expert could help guide you both better

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