Caring for mum

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Mopps
Getting settled in
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Joined: Wed Dec 11, 2013 12:38 am

Caring for mum

Post by Mopps » Sat Feb 01, 2014 6:57 pm

I am so sorry to go moaning on yet again
I live at home with my mum who was just 93 today. My two older. Sisters are married and live else where. Mum gets Attendance Allowence, and she wants me to try to get carers Allowence for Caring for her. I do some small par time Domestic and Ironing jobs for people. I got the form to fill In and I got help from someone who knows how to fill In these forms. I read and signed my bit and mum read and was happy to sign her bit so she did. Both my sisters are Power Of Attorney for our mother. I asked one of them if she would sign the form where it said Attorney had to sign and she said no she would not do so. She said she wanted proof of the caring I did for mum and it had to be all written down on paper so she could see it and then she was going to let our other sister see it and only then if they were happy would she sign the form. She also said to me she came once to visit us and she said I did nothing to help mum while she was there. She also wants to know how someone who claims D L A would be allowed to get carers Allowence and wants that writteng down too before she signs. When I came off the phone I was so upset as my sister had also said and you can't even look after your own self and want to get carers for looking after mum. I was in tears As I said when I came off the phone. I may be Dyslexic,and Dyspraxic, and Dyscalcula ,but I am certainly not gaga and my best friend is always praising me up for what I can do despite have these conditions . My mum was going to speak to my sister about this matter but now it seems she does not want to bring up the subject with my sister who upset me I do not know why not. My sisters are visiting us today for mums Birthday but I do not want to bring things up with the sister who has upset me as it would make matters worse and I do not want mum upset on her Birthday. I did not think my sister would have said that to me she has no room to speak here I am not meaning to sound rude or nasty here but this sister has these conditions too. I am not sure what the best move would be to make I have decided to make an appointment to see a lady at C A B office and also speak to my Social Worker too is this a good first move do you think? Mum is happy with all I,do for her so not sure why my sisters not happy to sign the form. Sorry to go on and on so much just so upset today thanks for listening to me.

Mopps

Tom fod
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Joined: Thu May 12, 2011 10:05 pm
Location: SW UK

Re: Caring for mum

Post by Tom fod » Sat Feb 01, 2014 9:29 pm

Hi Mopps

You have a right to feel upset and even aggrieved here. Speaking to your social worker and the lady from CAB are both good and sensible steps. I do wonder why as main carer and third sister you don't share the power of attorney? Your sister is not the authority who decides whether you should get Carers Allowance. They should really both be on your side in making every effort to convince the Benefits Agency? that you need the money to assist you in caring for your mother.

I think it would be useful to document what you do in caring for your mother and have that witnessed by an independent person outside of your family. I think your sisters need to properly recognise the work you put in. Perhaps your mother is worried that by speaking to your sister about this she might only make things worse for you? To me it reads as if your sister is being resistant/deliberately obstructive in refusing to sign the form.

It's a shame you can't jet off on a fully deserved six week cruise holiday so they can learn to appreciate just how much work there is required in caring for your and their mother by having to be more hands-on themselves. I suspect you are too dedicated and may not have had a day to yourself for years?

Please don't feel you are bothering us here. It might be an idea to print off what you written here as it may be helpful in explaining what is going on to the lady at CAB and your social worker. I can see it's a delicate situation so you may prefer not to also print off my strident response to your situation.

All the best
Tom
Moderator/Administrator

With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)

Mopps
Getting settled in
Posts: 37
Joined: Wed Dec 11, 2013 12:38 am

Re: Caring for mum

Post by Mopps » Sun Feb 02, 2014 2:00 am

Thanks for your reply Tom it is good of you to be so understanding of my situation. I am acctually glad I am not power of Attorney I am not good with money and things so would just get worked up and stressed up too with it all. I just do my wee bit. I do not know if any other Dyslexic, and Dyspraxics, feel like this atall or if it is just me but one reason I do not go far afield is I hate traveling whatever mode of transport I am in. I can go to visit my best friend who was at primary school with me as she is just half an hour away. I don't drive but I get a lift over when I go to see her once a month or so as I have another friend who works in her town where she lives then the other friend brings me home again after 4pm in the afternoon.We live in a sheltered court mum and me so when I am out at my wee jobs or visit this friend the worden of the court is around the court so I do not worry so much then. Mum has a cleaner who sees to her rooms and and I clean my bedroom but there are always other things I have to do for my mum which I am happy to do for her and my mum is happy I do them. Mum will not say anything to my sisters because we are all her daughters you see. My older sister can be a bit bossy and nippy with me but I am learning to be more strong now I am never rude in my replies to her but I speak up more now if I deem it nessessary to do so. Sometimes she used to make me cry and then she would say and don't go upsetting mum now. But I am glad I am learning to be more stronger now. I also should have said I will be seeing my Doctor, Tom, as well as my Social Worker, and the lady at the C A B office. I do not look for praise atall I am happy to do all I do for mum but I thought that my sister would have been more supportive for me getting the carers Allowence I don't have lots money so it would be helpfull. I am not looking for anyone to feel sorry for me here and say oooh poor Mopps but it just helps to get all this off my chest here on the forum. I would always listen to anyone if they needed me to just as you have listened to me here. I may not even get the Carers Allowence but mum was happy gfor me to try to get it any way. I will see how I get on with seeing the lady from C A B and my Social Worker. I was Emotinal yesterday when I went to the dole office to try to get information and to night in my room I was Emotional as well. This is something I wondered do other Dyspraxics find that they get Emotional very easily about things and if. Their routine or something is change for some reason does this upset them too? And how they manage to cope with It. Thanks for being understanding.

Mopps.

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