dyspraxic people insecure and too needy or is it just me?

[jad101]

Are dyspraxic people too needy ? Personally I hate getting attached to people as once im attached i get too attached easily to people. I hate getting close as I know I get too attached. I'll give you an example. My friend (he happens to be dyspraxic aswell) was on a date with a girl two weeks ago, who hes been seeing since the start of the yr they've been on 5 or 6 dates (they would've been on more but mainly the fact that I've been away at uni i was and she was back in my home city). finished the date fine no issues, but in the space of 2 weeks he sent 4 texts with no response back(which I don't think is that many a lot of ppl send more) he assumes he did something wrong. He assume he did something wrong so when he saw her at a festival yesterday and he didn't even say hi as he felt it would come across as too needy. Maybe she just lost interest. I know dyspraxia is on the autistic spectrum so some dyspraxic ppl find socializing/relationships hard But as dyspraxic people do we always need attention to feel accepted? or do we jump to conclusions too soon about other ppls characters? Do we care too much about what ppl think of us? Or is this just me? Or is he just using the fact he has dyspraxia as an excuse for my feelings/actions? Please let me know Its been a constant strain on my own past relationships and I need some advice.

[williamsuk]

needy?..or sensitive, loving and honest?? depends how you look at it I suppose..

[Jim]

I'd stop short of linking Dyspraxia directly with insecurity since ultimately it's probably simply more to do with personality.

But I can certainly see how Dyspraxic symptoms can affect our confidence in all walks of life. On a personal note I see myself as being very much on the outside of society with a perspective out of step or sync with society at large.

I'm not a very social person. It's not that I lack social skills or don't know how to behave but I am put off from socialising in many situations because my Dyspraxic symptoms cause me to feel extremely uncomfortable around large numbers of people and their noise. I avoid pubs, clubs, shopping, restaurants so when you eliminate those there aren't a great deal more social activities to choose from. Furthermore slight attention and speech difficulties do little to help my confidence and make me feel selfcouncious incase I come across as a bit dim (which I am not).

So I'm a bit lonesome and don't go out much and as a concenquence I don't meet many people nor have many friends outside of cyber networking.

When I actually am out with other people I have a fear of being left behind because my speech difficulties lend me to be one of the quieter people in a group so I am easily overlooked and forgotten about, for example if I'm in a group buying something from a kiosk I usually get left behind whilst I'm finishing my transaction not because the others are deliberately trying to loose me but because I kind of blend into the background.

When I come out of my shell a bit I can actually be quite clever and witty. I can build up good rapports with people. But when it comes to brokering a relationship in the romantic sense I severely lack confidence to "make the move" and I've probably lost out on having a relationship with several really nice girls simply because I never made "the move".

So in that sense I'm a little bit insecure (not in a jealous protection type of way) because I fear rejection, don't make the move of asking them out and end up rejected anyway

And communicating by txt can send very confusing signals. If you txt too much do you come across as obsessive and desperate? Does not texting enough mean you're disinterested? Where's the bit in the middle?

[williamsuk]

I can totally relate to that! .. apart from the loud noise bit..when it comes to live music x very excited about going to the Download rock festival this weekend..despite going alone! lol

[jad101]

williamsuk? what were you referring to when you said you could relate to it? and parklife was the festival we were at btw but i am a fan of metal. and jim you say that insecurity is more of a personality thing but dyspraxia may be the reason behind a feeling of insecurity.

[williamsuk]

um..i guess I was referring to your whole msg...in my own way lol im outgoing and vivacious but I always seam to be on my own...it's probably me! weird..i don't understand myself at all!! lol it's just the way I am I guess. I prefer to have superficial relationships with strangers (platonically speaking I mean) rather than long relationships, which seem to end up with me going off ppl for being to boring, or for having a gready, dishonest, disloyal or spiteful personality x

[Roxy86]

Hi all

I was once introduced to someone as; 'Amy is also known as the dozey one, but you always know where you stand with her'
Sums me up to a tee basically! Yeah I am the first to admit, I can be a little 'lights are on, but no one is home' at times, absent minded, forgetful, in a world of my own... but my heart is in the right place

This is the hardest thing to get across when meeting people (particularly potential boyfriends) We all get nervous when trying to impress someone, it's only natural of course. Dyspraxics on the other hand? Have an even harder time at it I am a worry wart, and know I can come across as jealous/possessive/insecure/needy at times, but I think that is purely my over analytical brain, going into overdrive: 'if I don't do/say this, will they think x, y, or z?'

It's always that period of time when you are getting to know someone, going out on dates and deciding if you want to pursue a relationship with each other that is the worst. All those little 'first times' when you do new things together in the run up to the official boyfriend/girlfriend status, you're constantly doubting yourself! I was always telling myself 'I've messed it up, I've put my foot in it, that's it, ruined, over before it even began, all my fault, always my fault'

Still do think like this, even though I have been in a happy, stable relationship for 6 months It was like this with all my exes; my longest relationship was nearing the 3 year mark. I tend to leave them, before they get rid of me I call it a safety first approach; cut and run!!

Does anyone else experience these general feelings of inadequacy/inferiority etc??

[Tom fod]

Yes very much so!

I can sometimes manage to 'talk the talk' online up to a point and have managed to go on some first dates with women I've met online but things soon seem to fall apart.

I have a lot of fear about my inexperience and how people are likely to perceive my long term single status and awkwardness. Yes I can appreciate that someone like that would not be right for me anyway. I also feel I sometimes set some impossibly high standards.

8-(

[Roxy86]

I tend to set myself some impossibly high standards too, every day. But when it comes to relationships, I often wonder if that is infact healthier, rather than just 'settling for/making do' I fear and dread rejection, although think that is a just a human character trait

[jad101]

From my own experience i try as hard as possible not to get attached, because im afraid people wont like me or & also once im attached thats it im attached & i find it hard to let things go personally. but your right maybe it is our brain which naturally ticks overoverthinks things as to why we are anxious needy and can at times turn out to be jealous sometimes. its harder for guys then girls i think girls hold alot more power than they think when it comes to relationships or dating, thats why i always try to date or get to know a few girls rather than hedging my bets on one as bad as that sounds lol. i think being dyspraxic and dating your more aware of what your doing and self analytical of yourself especially if things are not going right.

[FAndrews]

Its good to know I'm not the only having the same problems with relationships and meeting people. i also suffer from the same insecurity and poor confidence from my disability , it is quite difficult not feeling and thinking that I'm the odd one out and can't fit in very well. but it is great that I've found a forum where like minded people can discuss dyspraxia and coping with it, so thanks.

[Roxy86]

Good to hear FAndrews, and welcome, I do hope you do find this site useful!

[FAndrews]

thanks