Dyspraxic Adults

Hi All,

A few times in the past I've been asked if I'm Gay (which I'm not) and I just put it down to the fact that I don't have a girlfriend and have never really had much of a relationship in ages (well not more than six months ever).
But over the last few weeks its got to kind of epidemic proportions, four times in the last 3 weeks I've been either asked if I was Gay or hit on by Gay guys.
I'm not to good with the whole body language thing so I've asked friends if I some how "act Gay" and they have all said no quite categorically, one of my oldest friends from school is a Gay guy (in the longest and most stable relationship of any of my friends,so that's an up yours to these anti civil partnership people ) so I asked him if I came across as Gay somehow and he just laughed and said "not even close".
Now I'm not in anyway homophobic and guess I should probably take it as a compliment but because I'm not to good with the whole body language thing its starting to get me down a bit cos I'm getting kind of paranoid.
I'm not looking for anything but it does kinda annoy me that I'm being hit on by Gay guys and the only time that happens with women is if there p****ed or they are taking the P*** doesn't do much for my self confidence.
Do any other dyspraxics get anything similar ? I was wondering if it may be a body language thing, or just the assumption that because (not all of us but some) we struggle with relationships with the opposite sex we must be Gay, or is it just me ?

I've often wondered myself if I come across as more "infeminate" than the typical society view of a blokey bloke because I do kind of hold my posture differently and my voice is anything but articulate or masculine.

There is something called "gaydar" in which supposedly people identify gay people without actually having confirmation from the person themselves. Basically this means they've spotted someone who is a bit camp, so obviously they must be gay right?

(Hell no!)

And that's about the extent to which these people's logic stretches to, it's crude and only ultimately serves to expose their own insecurities and inadequate ness.

Yeah, I think your probably right, its just another instance of people making huge sweeping assumptions because somebody doesn't quite fit in to their idea of a normal bloke.
People think he "doesn't like sports, prefers reading quietly to talking about who he'd like to s**g, has odd body language and doesn't have girl friend" therefore he must be Gay, ehh WRONG.
Next time I'm asked I'm half tempted to ask why they think that, although I guess that could be awkward, its not that people think I'm Gay that gets on my nerves its more why they think it, as far as I can tell I don't do anything overly "Gay" (whatever that is) and yet some people just assume it, why ?

Sweeping generalisation is about right, I mean people in general are just very very good at putting two and two together and somehow arriving at 9383742847.

I once got asked by a female colleague if I were gay simply because because I was able to have a friendly conversation with a gay male colleague. I don't quite know how that should of qualified me as gay but there you go that's simply how some people think.

Looking past the gay topic, I think in many ways being Dyspraxic makes it harder to attract a partner. If you look at nature the stronger animals attract more mating partners because healthier specimens are more likely to produce healthy offspring and so it's very much Darwin's evolutionary theory of survival of the fittest.

Whilst that may be simplifying it a little too much in the case of civilisation the point still stands. Take a male with poster good looks, an generically fit and healthy build and of some verbal articulation, now stand them up next to me, a man with little or no fashion sense, unphotogenic looks, a weird ungainly posture and a lack of of verbal articulation. Who do you think the girls are going to flock around? I can tell you right now, it wouldn't be me.

I don't think I've been mistakenly or otherwise seen as gay.

I think I'd find it uncomfortable if another guy was showing me too much attention but then again I'd probably be uncomfortable with a woman being over tactile if I didn't feel I trusted her motives and equally I'm petrified about not being able to meet up to people's expectations, especially womens. (Why oh why did I join Match.Com!)

Some people make assumptions and worse, gossip about those inaccurate assumptions.

On another note I was called a 'mongo' by some [idiot]. It's not so much the label applied but the spirit in which it is applied that is upsetting!

Tom fod wrote:Some people make assumptions and worse, gossip about those inaccurate assumptions.

Yeah, I think there has been a certain amount of that going on in my case, one of the instances I was talking about happened when a lad I knew (friend of a friend, although I knew he was Gay) caught me in the uni bar a couple of weeks ago, started talking to me about his crappy ex's (yes he was a bit drunk and no it wasn't Gay night ) and then out of the blue asked me if any of my ex boy friends had been similar, responded "no, but then I'm straight so I wouldn't know" felt sorry quite sorry for him he looked so embraced.
So I think some one has been gossiping based on assumptions, which is just plain rude.

Tom fod wrote:On another note I was called a 'mongo' by some [idiot]. It's not so much the label applied but the spirit in which it is applied that is upsetting!

Their are some real idiots out there, but I agree its not whats said but how its said.

Jim wrote:Looking past the gay topic, I think in many ways being Dyspraxic makes it harder to attract a partner. If you look at nature the stronger animals attract more mating partners because healthier specimens are more likely to produce healthy offspring and so it's very much Darwin's evolutionary theory of survival of the fittest.

.

I really dont think that being dyspraxic/ dyslexic is a sign of genetic infriority, anyone can get donw to the gym or take up a sport. and altho us dypraxics have a bit of a tough time buyilding muscle and coordination that shouldnt dictate to us what we can or cant do. in fact the extra effort required makes us stronger people.
"to fail to try is the only failure"

My late homophobic father several times accused me of being gay because of my lack of success with women. He even used these words, "Your stepmother thinks you're a bloody queer. Are you?" If I had actually been gay, there is the possibility that I would have punched his lights out.

Actually, I wish I'd been quick witted enough to reply. "Dad, homosexuality is not the reason for my lack of success with women. The truth is that women are not interested in me because of the **** poor genes that you have passed onto me."

Sorry, about the mini rant. You've asked a question that confronted a sore area!

I have never had that problem but then again i am in a relationship which is now coming into its fourth year. Other than that I dont percieve people as gay or straight until they tell me themselves.

I have never been mistaken for being gay, I have never had a girlfriend. A few years ago a female did asked my parents could she marry me, but did asked me had a girlfriend back at home.

The right person will come at the right time. I don't rushed into things and make a mistake that the relationship might not last long.

yep had this problem, 4 times i got asked when i joined my current job (elderly care worker, which is a giant middle finger to Dyspraxia in my opinion ) i just laughed it off, though it does bother me a little i suppose. some people are quick to judge unfortunately

I have to say that this thread has made me chuckle, and yes I can relate. I have been queried on this when younger as well. On some occasions I was out with gay friends at gay bars - so no real surprises there and fair enough. But had it a fair few other times as well. I've always put it down to the fact that I don't wear my heart on my sleeve and therefore it wasn't noticeable when I was attracted to women - for some I suppose that must have meant I was (or at least might be) attracted to men instead. I put it to one of my gay friends at the time, and their response was to laugh and say it was nothing more than wishful thinking on the part of those doing the asking. Personally I've accepted that and always taken it as a compliment that someone may be interested.

Hehe, indeed. If you go to gay bars nowt wrong with that then you have to concede that at some point someone is going to assume that you're gay.

But it still exposes the lack of sophistication in some people's thought process. Someone once denounced me as a "man" because I happen to not like football and decided that because of that I must be some kind of "fag" or something.

I have strange ungainly posture, clumsy, interrupt and can say things inappropriately and can move my hands in a slightly camp manner, in fact i'm always moving my hands and feet as can't keep still. Any, since being a teenager I have alwasdy thought I might be at least a little bit Bi, but not sure whether that's due to my lack of blokeiness informed by my dyspraxia or.... I am now 40 and married, happy in my skin, now making sense of what has gone before (I only discoved dyspraxia 3 years ago after my nephew was diagnosed) and I now see why I thought the way I did. I always seem to attract more masculine women or older women, certainly not the girly girls. This all get's me thinking about the old nature/nurture thing - can dyspraxia make you more likely to be gay due to living slightly off in the margins? I am also very emotional, empathetic and have more feminine traits than most men, maybe?

I have in the past, the last time was in summer 2009 whilst waiting for a bus with a friend of mine, a group of total strangers started asking me whether I was gay owing to how I was sitting.