touch

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jade04smith90
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touch

Post by jade04smith90 »

Touch
Hi does anyone else have problems with being over or under sensitive with touch or being affectionate I have been told this can be associated with dyspraxia. I’m 23 and have one longish relationship of 3 and half years and two short relationships of around six months. one of my main problems partners have with me is I’m not affectionate and don’t like certain ways people touch me for example I hate cuddling in bed or on the sofa I can’t stand holding hands for more than a couple of minutes and most boyfriends take it as a personal insult to them. I have only just been diagnosed with dyspraxia so was never able to give them a reason for why I’m like it, but would like to know if any one has any tips on how to deal with it in future relationships as whenever I try to explain dyspraxia to people they just think I’m making excuses. In both examples of touch the effect is that make me feel extremely stressed and almost angry. It’s not just men though I have problems with certain clothing and have lots of little obsessions like constantly applying hand cream.
Shadwell
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Re: touch

Post by Shadwell »

Hi Jade,

yes I have problems with over sensitivity, but not too bad as long as I know that it is about to happen, so like someone touch me from behind will almost be met by my fist. whereas things like hugging, and I can see it, then it isn't as bad, as I am prepared and ready and waiting for it. so things like female friends, then as a general rule then there is no touching. as for gf's, then been quite a loner in that department so can't possibly answer it in that kind of way.
Jim
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Re: touch

Post by Jim »

I concur a lot with what Shadwell says here.

If someome approaches me from behind or unexpectedly and I'm taken by surprise then there is very much the flinch reflex in me, which is compounded by the fact my general anxiety and stress levels have already resulted in my muscles being tense and tight. The tight muscles play havoc with my nerves and I'm in almost constant cramp or some kind of discomfort from a nervular muscluar point of view. So often just the tiniest of things aggregates it further, being tapped on the shoulder, a loud noise, a sudden unexpected calling of my name when I'm deep in concentration on something else. The ease of which I'm set of is ridiculous. But because it sounds so feeble and implausible it's difficult to make other people take that seriously.

The lack of hand eye co-ordination also plays a role, if for example someone (with reasons best known to themselves) has taken it upon them selves to physically tease me, like for instance tickling or that kind of general physical tornment then my lack of co-ordination effectively leaves me defenceless as I'm unable to block the advances. Knowing how uncomfortable that kind of touch is to me in relation to my nerve discomfort and being unable to effectively breakaway from it I am liable to lash out with a verbal outburst or with a push/punch. This would then almost immediately offend (or amuse) the tormentor and been seen as a disproportional response because as far as the other person is concerned they were "only joking". Which is annoying because you do your best to tell them to stop and let them know how it affects you yet often they remain bloomin stubbornly oblivious.

And yet on the flipside, I have no problem with a hug/cuddle embrace. Although I'm notoriously single and lonesome I'd very much like to have a girlfriend to walk arm in arm with, to snuggle up with on the sofa, to roll about with on the bed and all the rest of it.
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Captain_Ludd
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Re: touch

Post by Captain_Ludd »

Yeah, I have a similar problem, if I know the person and I know what there going to do I'm O.K but if not it gets me really agitated and on edge, hence why I really dislike "huggy" people.
It quite common for dyspraxics to be over/under tactile something to do with the way we process sensory information I think and in those of us who are under tactile it causes a symptom known as "tactile defensiveness".

I remember once I almost got kicked out of a cinema cos one of my friends new boy friends (who I'd never met) came up and gave me a big "man hug" at which point I snarled at the top of my voice "Who the f**k are you and why are you touching me? If you don't remove your hands from me you'll loose them".
I surprised my self and he never talked to me again (worked out well for me i didn't like him any way ;) ).
minniemoo
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Re: touch

Post by minniemoo »

Ditto. I do enjoy cuddling, but I HATE having my hair/head touched or stroked - the crown of my head is extremely sensitive! And the habit that men have of wanting put your hair behind your ears!!!! GRRRRRRR [-X really drives me crazy - if I wanted my hair tucked behind my ears I am more than capable of doing it myself!!!! :D

I do feel claustrophobic though if someone 'hassles' me into having a hug...as you all say it is not rejection, just who we are! :D
Andrea
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Re: touch

Post by Andrea »

I dont have a problem with touch on its own, its more of not being able to recognise what is expected of me in return. I can't predict what people are going to do and therefore get surprised. I am perfectly happy with a hug from my family or some of teh kids at work, but with other adults, i avoid it. If someone gives me a hug, I tend to freeze and get out of it as quick as possible. Annoying and embarassing sometimes!
Captain_Ludd
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Re: touch

Post by Captain_Ludd »

minniemoo wrote:the crown of my head is extremely sensitive!
That's odd, me too.
lauraECFan
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Re: touch

Post by lauraECFan »

I hate my face being touched and tend to flinch away if someone reaches for my face. I like people playing with my hair though so long as they do not pull it. I am generally a huggy person (only with friends) but hate people walking behind me as I cannot see what they are doing. I also hate my lower legs and feet being touched even by a doctor. Other than that Im fine with it.
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MyDyspraxicBF
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Re: touch

Post by MyDyspraxicBF »

My BF ( who has only just opened up about his Dyspraixa a few weeks ago ) told me he used to have a massive problem with been touched.

In the early days with me I noticed he was not very tactile...However , now he is comfortable with me , and trusts me , he loves cuddling/touching......So , id say to anyone please give it time and the dyspraxic person may just be comfortable with hugging etc once they trust you.

Like many of you have mentioned , there are certain places he cant stand been touched though.
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