being at home again

[hwyaden]

Hi, am currently living abroad nearly finished with an MSc - next week will be heading back to where my parent's house for christmas, and (if no job offers come up - quite likely as no luck so far) will stay there during January finishing up my thesis. I really look forward to seeing my parents and family of course, but am worried as even now bad memories of growing up are being stirred up. I was always very shy, uncoordinated and unorganised - think I was diagnosed in primary school/start of secondary. My mum organised the testing, and really pushed the school about extra time in exams etc...but I don't remember her ever really explaining dyspraxia to me (I think I once overheard her on the phone and looked it up online). So most of the time I just remember being yelled at a lot and getting confused/frustrated at following instructions. She's got four kids and works a full time so I understand there must have sometimes been no option but to yell, and I do admire her hugely, but I truly remember being miserable a lot of the time. I luckily was never bullied at school (just ignored by most), but things were hard at that time and looking back on it, it really would have helped to have had someone to talk to about it.

For the last 5 years or so since leaving for undergrad I've been overseas (Ireland, Germany and Denmark) and haven't spent longer than about 3 weeks back at my parent's place at any one time. I'm sure it won't be that bad, but I am worried about returning to somewhere I was so miserable in at some points of my life.

Does anyone else have experience of situations like this? It sort of feels like 'returning to the scene' of when I was so unhappy will be difficult. Thanks.

[joy]

Hi Hwyarden
I am sure that it wont be half as bad as you think although nobody likes going back to a situation were there are bad memories and you were much younger then.You have been living away from home living a more independent life for the last five years so that is something to be proud of and maybe having gained more confidence than you had back then. I am sure you will fit in just fine and lets hope a job comes up for you .Good luck

[AlleyCat]

I'm stuck back living with my parents as I couldn't afford the rent where I was living before. It's a Catch-22 situation though because, although I no longer have to worry about affording the rent, I'm now living in an area of the country which is extremely poor for jobs (it's difficult to get any job, but it's nigh on impossible to get a job with any decent prospects). Like you, I have bad memories of how they behaved towards me growing up. It frustrates me hugely that, even now, they can't even make the effort to find out more about dyspraxia (it's not like it's that hard, as there's now a lot of info available online). I know some people will disagree with me, but when I feel really frustrated with my parents, I say how I feel about them out loud, even if this involves using colourful language! I should emphasise that 'out loud' means I say these things to myself in the privacy of my own room, not in front of them. Doing this really helps me because it feels good to 'let it out', otherwise all the things that I think about the way they have behaved towards me (and still sometimes behave) would be stuck in my head driving me crazy! I understand if some people would feel uncomfortable about doing this (I would imagine someone from a particularly religious background might find it difficult), but I've found it's the only way I can cope with them. I've tried having a rational 'adult' discussion about how I feel, but they just don't want to know and get angry. Basically, they're both people who have huge problems admitting when they've been in the wrong. I think it's disappointing that your parents actually knew that you had dyspraxia, but you still got shouted at for doing things that weren't your fault.