college life and socialisation

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college life and socialisation

Postby Little Miss Anxious » Thu Nov 08, 2012 10:50 am

hat is the right way to approach people and how I get myself in a social group?

I am a 25 year old mature student on a 3 year programme in Galway college. It is my first year.

I enjoy music, learning, reading and going out watching movies and just chilling out.

I say hello to people sitting beside me during lectures and change the places where I seat but nothing comes out of it. I have asked them what they think of the course etc and may even have made some jokes or just got kinda Witty. some fellas who I did that to responded in a positive way.

I have given my email to some and given my mobile number to some.

Nobody wanted to get to know me in my tutorials.

I am nervous around people I don't know and when making friends.

I would like some like minded friends in their 20s or early 30s who are doing one or more of my subjects and are in my year.

in a few societies I went to there were only 2nd and third year and many were not even doing my subjects.

Most people tend to be already in a group and many people seem to know people from secondary school or another course.

I am getting no attention from men either which doesn't usually happen.

One man who is older than me has suggested that I engage with people in order to make friends but I do do that. A college service worker suggested that I just ask them to hang out on the first time I meet them and maybe even ask them for their number on the first time I meet them.

On my leaving a course card in 2007 it said "the life and soul of the party". Many people including my family have said that I am an interesting person and very likable. some believe me to be charismatic and witty. some believe that I should be popular.

There has to be something wrong with me because I am not attracting many people. I am not getting anywhere with anybody. Most of my older sisters friends think I am cool and that is because they told me themselves and because my sister told me that when I was depressed and when I was not depressed. I have hung around with my sisters friends in Sligo where I am originally from and they loved my company every time.

I have dcd or motor delay which effects the organisation of my thoughts and my timing. I have dyspraxia.

I want some friends to go to nightclubs and music gigs and to the movies with and I also want friends who will help me with my study or subjects.

Any ideas?

Thanks for listening.

WB....
Amy Conway
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Re: college life and socialisation

Postby Fineallfine » Fri Nov 09, 2012 12:02 pm

Hey dont stress. These things are all perfectly normal to worry about and take time. Trying joining a club or getting involved in something, or get a job on campus or at the bar, or join a study group or volunteer for something. Lectures and tutorials arent the easiest way to meet people, the more youre involved the easier it is to make friends. :D
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Re: college life and socialisation

Postby shadowgirl021 » Sat Nov 10, 2012 6:29 pm

Easier said then done but just dont worry about it. I did worry and still do that my work colleague who has been at work two weeks less then me has made with friends and connected with more people then I have. But, I still carry on and be friendly and approachable. I did approach people on a one to one basis then gradually it grew from their. People can sense desperation as well. I think if you join an activity you are really interested in, see someone you think you might like, start off by smiling and being friendly and let it build from their. Personally I think if you give your number to someone straight away it shows that you are desperate. Friendships take time.
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Re: college life and socialisation

Postby Jim » Sat Nov 10, 2012 6:52 pm

Friendship is very much a two way process... And the others are right.. Being too eager to interact might actually be a turn off and make you seem desperate.

To coin an analogy "You can lead a Horse to water, but you can't make it drink."
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Re: college life and socialisation

Postby Catwoman42 » Sun Nov 11, 2012 6:56 pm

It seems to me (and I could be wrong..) that you are concentrating on making friends with men only. just be open and approachable with everyone and don't offer your mobile number ot e-mail address, let them ask. The advice about finding doing something you find interesting is valid, don't do something just to make friends, people can tell.
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Re: college life and socialisation

Postby Tom fod » Sun Nov 11, 2012 11:29 pm

Hi Amy

I think it's all too easy to stress about the whole unwritten rules thing. I know I'm prone to it. Often I think I'm on the outside looking in and it's not a nice feeling but there are many others who share the same feeling.

I know it's not easy for you but is there anything you could help others with? Are you coming over as a bit too over enthusiastic about what what you want/need at the expense of others? Saying that, I'm more the sort who will do things for others but can sometimes feel unappreciated or that I've fussed too much and not really helped at all.

You need to look for things you might have in common with the people and use this as a basis for your approach.

Hope this helps
Tom

With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)
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