Dyspraxic struggling to find a relationship.

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bp1981
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Dyspraxic struggling to find a relationship.

Postby bp1981 » Tue Jul 31, 2012 2:58 pm

Hello all.
Dyspraxic looking for help and advice on meeting new people, dating and relationships. I have tried various different dating sites with little success. Usually does not get much further than the first date. Or I get told I am to nice! I am beginning to think my dyslexia and dyspraxia is the reason for this. I am sure this is not true but I feel like I am jinxed. It is like I put myself under constant pressure to meet someone and settle down. I always try to be myself when i meet new people and do not have much trouble maintaining a conversation.
It would be great to hear from anyone who thinks they can help or just give me some advice. I am hoping to use this forum much more now as I have found it so useful so far!

Jim
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Re: Dyspraxic struggling to find a relationship.

Postby Jim » Tue Jul 31, 2012 3:48 pm

I'm probably just about the least qualified person to other dating tips. But I would warn you off using dating sites because so many of them use underhand tactics to secure your money, I've been caught out by a few sites myself and I have never ever got to the meeting stage via an Internet dating site.

I once went on a couple of blind date things to do with some thing on my old mobile service provider, but neither went very well.

I've long since accepted that it's unlikely I'll find a relationship through this kind of thing and it's more likely that I'll meet someone eventually from everyday life.

Tom fod
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Re: Dyspraxic struggling to find a relationship.

Postby Tom fod » Wed Aug 01, 2012 8:30 pm

Dating is a major stumbling block for me too. Have tried various dating, sites most recently E-Harmony. Not sure what I do wrong, too eager not confident come across badly or women just aren't that attracted to me and if they are, I ruin it by blundering.

I'm not really qualified to give tips either. I have some good female friends and they seem to value me not making passes at them (If only I knew how to and more importantly had the confidence - Equally do respect any clear boundaries they lay down.) Do talk to women as often as you can in a relaxed atmosphere as they may have friends and can often give advice.

Agree there are 'disreputable' sites and often work by automatically auto renewing unless you specifically remember to cancel your subscription before a cut off date. I found E-Harmony difficult due to its over structured (imho) use of questions and my sometimes lack of confidence in answering them. Would say Match.Com was best but have also tried Girls Date for Free, Plenty of Fish, Dateline and one or two more. Plenty of Fish was ostensibly free though when I was on there last year though they were offering pay services too for 'serious daters'

You also have to beware of romance fraud. Lovely looking lady (or gentleman) needs ticket/money to escape awful situation or can you send her money so she can spirit millions out of bank of Nigeria left to her after her father was assassinated or other variations. Be careful it's unlikely to be as amusing as Dudley and Ting Tong off little Britain. A non Dyspraxic friend of mine went to Odessa in the Ukraine to meet some girl but found it to be an agency and she took two steps back away from him! Little does she know but he probably has a bob or two tucked away.

Other ideas might be trying evening casses of some type or another it at least increases your chances.

All the best hope some of this helps seems all to often a lot of effort for little reward but you shouldn't think about it like that as you'll most likely burn bridges that way!

Tom

ps
Think best way is probably by networking, putting yourself out there and being noticed. I need to email the nice lady who was on a self esteem course with me the other day to see if my instincts were right as she seemed to be flirting a bit. Hopefully I can avoid the usual crash and burn experience I seem to be master of.
Tom
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bp1981
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Re: Dyspraxic struggling to find a relationship.

Postby bp1981 » Thu Aug 09, 2012 10:52 am

Thanks for the responeses, I have also tryed many diffrent dating sites and had little luck. I spend to much time just chatting online rather than meeting anyone. Plus there a lot of time wasters and scammers. Luckily I have fallen for it!

I have now decided just to stay away and find more social groups and classes. I guess it is a start!

Does anyone know of meetng groups and social groups where people with dyslexia and dyspraxia meet up?

Tom fod
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Re: Dyspraxic struggling to find a relationship.

Postby Tom fod » Sun Aug 19, 2012 10:18 pm

I'm sure some women (or men) are as tentative on ourselves on these dating sites. I do think there is a bit less judgement passed against people for using online dating. Only problem with the whole dating/relationship thing is the 'unwritten rules' and peoples subjective interpretation/application of them. All the best in your continuing search.
Tom
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With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)

Captain_Ludd
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Re: Dyspraxic struggling to find a relationship.

Postby Captain_Ludd » Wed Aug 29, 2012 4:08 pm

I'm also probably the last person who should comment but id stay away from dating sites if I were you.
I know so many people who've tried them and ended up having to deal with some right weridos ( I’m weird my self so I can say that :) )
from Nazi obsessives to people who just turn up on doorsteps and refuse to leave, may be your best bet is to just try and get involved in some social activity , when you speed/ online date im guessing there’s quite a bit of pressure which could make things even worse (cant say for sure as I’ve never actually done it).

raziabaksh
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Re: Dyspraxic struggling to find a relationship.

Postby raziabaksh » Sun Dec 22, 2013 11:13 pm

Dear Readers
I would warn you against using dating sites, as my ex-husband of fourteen-years was using a dating site to meet women that he then pretended to be single with. He is know currently living with one of these ladies that he will go onto cheat on, or try to manipulate in some shape or form.
I have tried to meet people at courses, but feel that I need friends right, now. It is hard to meet people and I tend to have a low image of myself since I separated from my husband. I think that has a lot to do with my family berating me about my looks, choices in life and the fact that I tend to not really follow the general status qua. I think that having been put down my most people that I have met seems to have affected my self-esteem over the years. I do get panic attacks when it comes to socialising in big groups of people. It is hard to meet people that I can relate too. I tend to have become a loner in my forties, as most friends have tended to have families or moved away from the UK. My divorce will be finalised in 2014, and I will be starting from scratch. I am not really sure about my future.
Anyway, have a good New Year!

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Re: Dyspraxic struggling to find a relationship.

Postby FAndrews » Mon Dec 23, 2013 1:19 am

yeah i know the feeling, i also struggle with relationships, tired of being single, tired of being the only single one at work and at parties, tired of being a virgin, of nobody giving me a chance, just gets frustrating, but I've got to keep on trying and not let these feelings win and tear me down.
You are not the only one also having trouble and i wish you good luck and merry Christmas, may 2014 bring us what we want :)

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Re: Dyspraxic struggling to find a relationship.

Postby Tom fod » Mon Dec 23, 2013 9:16 pm

KathrynEWyant wrote:Try to be social with people hangout with friends and there friends and go to pub, disco, bar you ll find lots of partner in there i hope you ll find your true love......


Kathryn
Sadly that is not always an option. Whilst hanging out at pubs/clubs seems to be the generally accepted method for the general population, not everyone feels able to tag along and can be comfortable in a bar/club when they may feel that people are just waiting to see them fail. You may also find that your friends put unnecessary pressure on you by playing matchmaker. which is not as helpful or nice as it might initially sound!

Felix - I'm in the same boat as you. Hope our efforts in 2014 prove fruitful.

Raziabaksh. Welcome
Yes there are some people on dating sites who really should not be on there as they don't deserve anyone and get in the way of honest decent people who are looking for that one person.

I'm really sorry to hear you have been put down by those who should support and encourage you. It's not like that here, so do please consider yourself to be among friends.
Tom
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With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)

FAndrews
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Re: Dyspraxic struggling to find a relationship.

Postby FAndrews » Tue Dec 24, 2013 12:57 am

yeah hope so Tom :) and yes clubs and parties aren't really an option sadly, i mostly blend into the background and get ignored (happened to me at the recent work Christmas party, i realised i was on the edge of conversation rather than a part of them, didn't help that i was the only male there and the only single one)
but leaping right out of my comfort zone, i'm going to a singles night for my dating site ( roughly 70+ people) and by myself!! so you never know, will definitely publish a report of my adventures :)

Moot
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Re: Dyspraxic struggling to find a relationship.

Postby Moot » Sun Dec 29, 2013 12:48 pm

Raziabaksh, so sorry to hear about your marriage break-up. What an awful situation. I know it sounds like the same old cliche words, but you are definitely more fortunate without your ex if he so easily lies and just goes off with someone else like that. God, people can be so incredibly awful. I wish you more positive years to come!

To all those told they are 'too nice' - there are people out there who truly appreciate that trait. Please never lose your ability to be naturally friendly, caring and considerate - they are so important, whatever some people say!!!
Hopefully not making too many moot points... heh... *ahem* :D

JamesAnthony91
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Re: Dyspraxic struggling to find a relationship.

Postby JamesAnthony91 » Thu Jan 28, 2016 7:30 pm

Dyspraxia never got me called nice, actually I was called an a**hole by one or two ex girlfriends, but nothing to do with Dyspraxia :P I think you just need to have self confidence, don't be an a**hole though, remember, the people who called me that are exes, but you need to feel confident about yourself. I hate myself(not because of my Dyspraxia, just personal issues, kind of related to certain people thinking of me as an a**hole), and I still manage to feel confident. If I can give you any tips...don't be too eager to talk to a girl, some of them get spooked, you need to let women you're interested in come to you as much as possible. If a girl doesn't reply...leave her alone. You can maybe try again the next week, but you should usually leave women who you're not familiar with to just reply whenever they'll reply. Constant texting makes a guy seem uninteresting to them, in truth people in general are like that. They want what they can't have, if something comes too easily for men or women, we get bored. I mean, I have a lot of empathy for people, so I wouldn't turn a girl down if she hyperactively texted me, I might even find it cute and tell her that, but for MOST people, that's a NOPE deal. And even when she does keep texting...don\t think you should do the same, be chill. It's always good to be cool about things.

Women are turned off by guys they think have nothing better to do than talk to them, so keep busy and initially limit talking to her to...maybe twice or so a day, if it's texting. If a call, then just once. Never call a girl too soon after you get her number, text her around two days after. In person try to keep eye contact and smile while talking, but look natural while doing it, you can try in a mirror a few times. Be relaxed, keep in mind she's just one person, so if things go wrong with her, there's plenty of other women.

The truth is, you could be a male model, and women will STILL not always be attracted to you, nobody is universally attractive unless they're David Bowie or something(humour), so don't worry, there will ALWAYS be people who find you attractive in the general population. One girl will think or say "ew", the other will be like "okay, he's fit", it just varies, so, you don't need to worry :D

Bender666
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Re: Dyspraxic struggling to find a relationship.

Postby Bender666 » Tue Jul 26, 2016 3:16 pm

Yeah i know the feeling, i also struggle with relationships, tired of being single, tired of being the only single one at work and at parties, tired of being a virgin, of nobody giving me a chance, just gets frustrating, but I've got to keep on trying and not let these feelings win and tear me down.

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Re: Dyspraxic struggling to find a relationship.

Postby Philip » Fri Oct 28, 2016 5:09 pm

I have given up with finding a relationship with a female. Okay I have known people who had relationships which did not last.

If I do meet someone, hopefully it will not put her off with my health condition that I dont want to risk passing my condition if we want kids if things go well in the relationship, I want the condition to stop at me.

I remember in 2010 was a freaky time when I was on holiday with my parents when one of the hotel entertainment came onto me asked me whether I wanted a girlfriend or had one, she did asked me whether I had a girlfriend back at home first. Far as I took it as I did not want her to get sacked from her job flirting and being in a relationship with a guest :)

I dont seem to have anybody playing matchmaker for me. okay in secondary school was different and in a training provider played it cool and stuck to my own beliefs and knew whether the person would be right, some of the lads did try to fixed me up during secondary school with T, Training provider was quiz by some of people both male and female why I was not interested in F or N. long story

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Re: Dyspraxic struggling to find a relationship.

Postby RGabb » Fri Nov 25, 2016 8:18 pm

I'm in the same boat, i've tried different dating apps, but don't even get a reply let alone a first date, its very annoying. It just makes me feel like i'm unattractive both physically and personality wise. I fear that will be alone when i'm older, which I would hate to be.


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