Any issues between Dyspraxia/Intimacy?

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MannieSue
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Any issues between Dyspraxia/Intimacy?

Post by MannieSue » Sun Jul 29, 2012 4:06 am

I am a 22 year old lesbian.. My dyspraxia is a recent diagnosis, and I am still coming to terms with the fact that I'm not just weird, I actually have an issue causing all of my "quirks". My question is, have any of you had any issues when it comes to intimacy? I have A LOT of issues with textures. And it has been four years since I was last with a woman. It makes me nervous that I might possibly have difficulty with certain things once my fiancee and I begin that part of our relationship.

My reasoning behind this worry, is the fact that there are certain parts of myself that I CANNOT touch due to being unable to stand the way things feel. In the past, this was not an issue with other women. I had a very active sex life with previous girlfriends. But due to it being four years since the last time I was with a woman in this way, and since then the list of things I cannot handle the texture of has grown, I'm afraid that my issues with myself will become issues I have with my fiancee.

Has anyone else ever had difficulty with anything like this? And if so, was it something you were able to overcome?

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Re: Any issues between Dyspraxia/Intimacy?

Post by Skifflet » Sun Jul 29, 2012 12:13 pm

Hi. I'm also a 22 year old, recently diagnosed, dyspraxic woman who sleeps with women (and other people) who has issues with intimacy. Snap. My problems aren't to do with texture though, so I'm not sure I have any useful advice. I find being touched by a partner in certain places painful or very uncomfortable (not sure how explicit I can be here, new to the forum) and haven't really found a way to get through it. So I tend to avoid any direct, focussed contact. It's not ideal but I do still enjoy sex this way and my partners have all been very understanding. I think they also appreciated the fact that although I don't want to receive that attention, I'm more than happy to give it. I guess my advice is just to explain your quirks to your fiancee, try out different things just to see how it goes, what your limits are and what you're comfortable with. You might need to be a bit more creative- maybe using barriers like gloves or dental damns or trying out some toys- but that could be fun.

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Re: Any issues between Dyspraxia/Intimacy?

Post by MannieSue » Sun Jul 29, 2012 4:28 pm

I never really thought of gloves... I'd hate to do it, but I guess it is worth a try if I can't handle it! My fiancee is very understanding when it comes to my Dyspraxia. She is actually the one who pointed it out to me. I had just been living life thinking I was a little weird and different. I never knew there was an actual diagnosis for it until I met her. Her brother is Dyspraxic, as are a few friends. So she is extremely understanding when it comes to any of my "quirks" associated with it. She remembers all of the foods I can't eat due to texture, and understands that I have to have some things a certain way for me to be able to handle day to day life. Add to that I have a few other things going on that can make my dyspraxia worse... I would say I have found the best partner to deal with all of this. But recently this has just become a huge worry for me. The more we discuss that side of our relationship (I'm in US, she's in UK for now) the more I worry that I will have difficulty. But you did offer up a good idea there with the gloves. Thanks!

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Re: Any issues between Dyspraxia/Intimacy?

Post by wiliamson » Tue Aug 14, 2012 2:34 pm

I have been trying to get solid data on this for years. Dyspraxia can affect you so that you cant focus on more than one thing at a time. The female sexual response is supposed/designed to be diverse, not focused like the male response. My sexual life has been a total damp squib. Nothing I experience is intense enough to have any effect, and where it is intense, the feeling does not register as pleasure. I have been with women and men. Not many. But after being with me they end up feeling about sex the way I do - gone off it.

I dont mind being celibate. Along with no pleasure I appear to have no sex drive, so the absence doesnt bother me. But the result is I am left with no way to form a deep committed relationship with anyone.

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Re: Any issues between Dyspraxia/Intimacy?

Post by Clumsy_Not_Careless » Sat Sep 01, 2012 1:48 am

I have heard this is a very common thing amongst us Dyspraxics, which made me realise I am not so much of a cold-hearted cow I thought I was! * \:D/ *PHEW* I've dated 2 guys throughout my entire life, the second guy I am still in a relationship with, and will be for five years pretty soon! The first bloke I sort-of dated I was about 14/15 years old and he was 18. I remembered suddenly flinching when he clung onto me or when he put his arm around me. It was rather ironic because he had asperger's and was rather touchy-feely! He was clingy to the point of suffocation and he did end up being mentally abusive including threats to get physical. I had a lucky escape before it got to that point! My current partner I am 100% comfortable with, and we have been intimate since were were 17. We do love our cuddles and we both enjoy our intimate moments. I admit I did feel a little awkward when we he first held my hand or put his arm around me. But he did reassure me that it would be ok :)

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Re: Any issues between Dyspraxia/Intimacy?

Post by Mantis » Sun Sep 09, 2012 12:51 am

Hello guys,

I'm generally unhappy about my appearance. But I also have problems with sex which may or may not be a symptom of my anxiety. I have read about "performance anxiety". I don't mind the sensation of being touched so much. But I am very self-conscious and it may even take some time after sex until I'm semi-comfortable with being fully-unclothed. Even if my fitness plans work well and I'm slim, my body will still be scarred with dozens of purple stretch marks.

In my last relationship, through foreplay I could make my ex reach climax. But through every relationship, I could not reach climax myself during actual sex, or even foreplay. It just doesn't happen. And then she feels that she did something wrong, and I feel bad about that. I can do it by myself, but I can't rely on my hand for life. :-s

How many other guys (or girls I guess) have similar problems during sex? Thank you.

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Re: Any issues between Dyspraxia/Intimacy?

Post by Tim G » Tue Sep 11, 2012 10:57 pm

Seams as though its not performance axianty as such but more how your are self concesuly and how you feel about yourself around others. Mabie your rushing it to much and focusing on your partner raver then being comfatable with your self first. - This is the main thing so take your time untill your ok with how you are give it as long as it takes and it dosent matter weather you have to be partly clothed for things to work as long as your more comfatable.
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Skifflet
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Re: Any issues between Dyspraxia/Intimacy?

Post by Skifflet » Sun Sep 23, 2012 10:17 pm

Just popping in again to say that I've also never managed to get to orgasm while I'm with a partner. I think it's part sensory issues, part concentration issues, part self-esteem/anxiety stuff for me. Not sure what proportion each of those takes up, or how to get over it really.

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Re: Any issues between Dyspraxia/Intimacy?

Post by toxic_ange » Sun Nov 25, 2012 5:55 am

I am really odd on the contact thing. once I trust someone I am a touch vampire, I need touch for reassurance of where people are in relation to me, as I know if I am holding hands with someone I won't walk into them for example.

Erm with sex it's interesting, I don't like sticky wet substances... You can possibly see the issue there.. I tend to wear latex gloves a lot, I have dental dams, I don't like saliva, so snogging is a no-no and is licking. And I find it hard to orgasm from sex. In fact one person has managed it and I have been sexually intimate with many.

Usually I have to use sex toys to reach orgasm. Luckily my boyfriend is VERY understanding (and by understanding I mean a bit of a pervert) so he like to get me off first before finding his own pleasure.

But latex gloves, condoms, dental dams etc are a MUST for me to be able to have sex...
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Re: Any issues between Dyspraxia/Intimacy?

Post by joy » Sun Nov 25, 2012 5:34 pm

Dyspraxia is often been associated with being over sensitive to smell ,taste ,temperature and touch and may be sensitive to clothing or certain textures,or have difficulty in being touched ,or of being the complete opposite so they feel the need to touch and be very touchy ,feely and very tactile,it affects many people in different ways but may cause problems with intimacy.

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Re: Any issues between Dyspraxia/Intimacy?

Post by lauraECFan » Tue Nov 27, 2012 9:50 am

The only place i don't like being touched is my face as I feel restrained but with intimate moments I don't seem to have any problems at all, I think that it may be to do with how comfortable you are with other people touching you in that way and also your attitude to sex in general I have always had a very high sex drive so I think I am ok in that area.

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