Clare wrote:This does sound familiar! My parents knew I had dyspraxia but they seemed to respond more favourably to my sister whom is three years younger than me.
In things like piano and swimming, she caught up with me. Also, my Mum says I should try to stir or cut something the original way when it is easier my way. It will probably come out better when I do it my way.
Thats quite simmiler to me as well i have a sister who is 4 years younger and she is compleatly fine, i wouldent say that my parents favored her over me but it is was clear that she could do a lot of things I couldent at that age / at all.
My parents also know about dyspraxicia but dont really understand or know how to help well.
If you have ways of doing things that arnt the norm then so be it - as long as it works then thats the main thing.
I do know of a close friend who has had difficulty learning (not dyspraxia) and his parents treat him differently to his siblings. There's not much to say except, it happens. I don't really know what to suggest for you. People can be ignorant. I think your sister offering to help is a 'nice' thing, it shows she'd like to help. I don't know if it is within everyone's capacity to think about what jobs are suitable for dyspraxia. Today my psychologist (who specialises in learning disorders in children) asked if I could work in a nursing home in my study break. Which really means in all those tests she knows very little about my condition or she knows very little about nursing. So I can imagine the course your sister picked is probably not extremely helpful. I think I would have trouble taking money from a younger sibling, but if it WAS something you really wanted to do and you couldn't do it any other way you should consider it. Sometimes everyone has to take a hand up from someone. As she seems to be deciding what you should do with your life seems I suppose you could view her as controlling and maybe she's using it as an excuse to grandstand. (Don't tell your family that or they'll deny it). Though maybe she chose those courses because they were all she could afford?
If you are having money difficulties perhaps you could ask for an occupational assessment from an occupational psychologist. They are relatively costly but might be of some benefit. They have a better understanding of the demands of different types of work and integrate your work preferences with what you are realistically able to do. Hopefully you could find one with a knowledge of dyspraxia. They might be able to help you to identify your skills and you might be able to identify what type of job to go for. Or what course to do.
If you don't have a job try to concentrate on your health, it makes you feel good. Doesn't have to be a skill game just walking/jogging/swimming and resistance exercises. And eat a balanced diet. It staves off the depression a bit. That's enough of 'doing something'.
Well my parents are coming to stay this weekend.........in an ideal world I'd be completely fine but I'm really not!!
Coping tips anyone?? (other than the gin bottle that is) the devil in me wants to be totally selfish and not invite them...but then I feel guilty and they are good company and they love my daughters so very much....they did their very best with a difficult child (me) with no help, understanding or support from anywhere for them....must've been really hard.
mum and dad can't help but make suggestions, they're just trying to be helpful and this time it really was like water off a ducks back. Nothing stuck and nothing hurt..yay!!
Aaaarrrgghhhh... I just wrote a really long response to this and when I wen't to post it I had taken too long and been logged out, lost the whole lot Short version is basically that that I also have a younger sister who is deemed "normal" even though she is suffering from depression and borderline alcoholic, I guess I've always been kinda jealous of how close my mum and sister are as I've never really connected with my mum much. I'm not even going to get into the story of my dad, I'm keeping that f-ed up chapter for my autobiography We still talk but he's a very hard man to get along with.
Glad to hear your visit went ok Ruth, I actually had my mum across today but she only stayed for about 20 mins before heading over to stay at my sisters. She'll be back tomorrow for a proper visit before she heads home though so I'll probably be grilled over some thin layer of dust somewhere or why I haven't been able to get another job yet (It's certainly not for lack of trying). Oh the joys of family visits
My entire family including parents(who are doctors) and just people in general are insensitive. I think with my family though its because as doctors there is no real help like medications,surgery ect except cognitive/occupational help. What makes it all the harder with everyone else is it stresses me out wich is not good for my heart.
Cognitive and ocupational help as well as support, understanding, guidence etc is the main ways to help with dyspraxicia.
As its a mental condition medaction and surgicial methords wont help unless there is somthing verry spefic related to dyspraxicia that affects you personaly.
I find that even my own mother... Who is probably the very best placed person to know me like an open book (she did after all fight tooth & nail to get me te help I needed as a child) doesn't truly understand me and the extent my dyspraxia plays on my self esteem.
She unintentionally stresses me out in ways she is not aware of, yet I don't want press with her because I think that she thinks that I am sensitive enough as it is.
“When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie
That's amore”
The reason I come and hang out here is that I you guys understand the difficulties and frustrations.......my family have never and probably will never get it. Went to an extended family party recently, aunts cousins etc. - dragging relucant husband and stroppy teenagers with me....only to be met with the same reception as always ' oh here's Ruth the weirdo - what weird stuff have you been doing recently? go on tell us so we can laugh at you' My parents and brother were 'unable' to make it.....I did think i'd at least get a warm welcome. Of course I walked in the wrong door...............etc etc.
I'm daft if I think they'll ever change their opinion/behaviour...for years I've thought that if I just do the right thing or say the right thing they'll reconsider......I think I've come to the conclusion that this will never happen. I think I'll stop forcing us into these extended family situations and spend time with people who like me and want to spend time with me...
Yeah.. I have to admit... I avoid that kind of extended family type do thing almost as though it were the plague, especially of it involves a great many of children!
“When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie
That's amore”
I feel like this as my mum seems to always favour my brother that lives with us... Problem is he feels he can have a go at anyone he feels like and when he is around there is always an atmosphere that you could cut with a knife. I also got a lot of critisism from family members because I am unable to tie shoe laces but my mum was the only one who knew I could not tie them. One time when the house was a bit messy she was in a bad mood and turned to me and said that if I ever had children that they would be taken away from me which really hurt.
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Live for today
if you have a dream chase it catch it and never let go of it
I understand this. For years because my academic acheivement was above average even if everything else was not it got ignored that something was wrong.
I was just "lazy" and "stubborn" and that was my family not the school. Still to this day if I try to talk to my dad about him supporting me to do something towards helping my dyspraxia he will insist he knows more on the subject. Even though he has never once bothered looking into it at all. An example being that I was talking about trying to get OT to try and get help with muscle development and he just ignored all of my side of the conversation, and dismissed it with "loose weight, then you wont fall over as much"
My mum, who it turns out after years is dyspraxic too, before she found out because she was so frustrated at herself all the time, I didn't have the most smooth upbringing, and there are days I'm not sure some of my worst traits arent environmental from growing up with her not knowing what she had. I also had to compensate for her behaviour a lot, ever since I was small, so I find it hard to look up to her as being someone with more experience in life, I've seen her make mistakes I never would, and to be honest, I don't think I could trust her advice.
My dads family decided when I told them, even after I got diagnosed that it was a made up disorder. A belief I thought they had decided to keep, although it turns out when one of the younger children in the family has it, it's not only real, but I must be able to help him right? I should be able to help him to not become like me when he is older.
There are days when if I didn't live at home I honestly think I would just cut them out and probably be better alone, but then I remember my little brothers need at least one sane adult to remain in the family till they can escape too...
"we are all the same under the skin, and I for one would skin the world to prove it" - Ayn Rand
Thats not a good situation to be in at all - it seams like things arent going to change as they seam verry much stuck in there ways and views.
If you were living away from home then it would be easy to cut them out compleatly.
If that what you want to do and if it is then just try to distance yourself from your family but dont make a big thing out about it - just do things without them, do your own thing as much as possable etc.
You could try to talk to your dad more about dyspraxicia and try to help him understand it more but it may not be verry effective if he has allready madeup his mind and is being stubbon about it.
I to feel the same. Im dyspraxic but my brother isnt. Whats doesnt help things is that there is only 15 months between us. So he caught up and went beyond me every time. I still get teased by people my own age that i cant do certain things that they can and take for granted and if truth be told, it right fucks me off when they say that because they dont understand what its like.
My secondary school refused to accept i have dyspraxia ( even though my speech therapist went down to tell them herself before i started secondary in 1998) I didnt get any extra help untill the last 2 WEEKS of my G.C.S.E's so my qualification were very very low and im suffering for it now through no fault of my own.
Anyway i divulge. I think my brother has been treated different and favorably than me. For instance he got a mobile phone when he was 12, I had to wait until i was 14 ( might not seem a big thing but as a teenager and all your mates had one, it was massive) Just recently we ( me mum and dad) moved out of the family house where my grandad lived before he died ( my brother brought it) When my grandad died he left me 4 full tea and dinner bone china sets as i have inherited my love of fine china and crystal from my grandmother, he knew i would look after it and tresure it. However my mum and dad decided that that wasnt fair and gave him half of them AND all of the crystal glasses. So yeah i feel very unworthy at times.
Well my parents are coming to stay this weekend.........in an ideal world I'd be completely fine but I'm really not!!
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Short version is basically that that I also have a younger sister who is deemed "normal" even though she is suffering from depression and borderline alcoholic, I guess I've always been kinda jealous of how close my mum and sister are as I've never really connected with my mum much. I'm not even going to get into the story of my dad, I'm keeping that f-ed up chapter for my autobiography 
We still talk but he's a very hard man to get along with.
