help I ruined my first date

[Little Miss Anxious]

I am 24 and a part time student in a university access pro-gramme.

I haven't been able to get a good councilor and am cracking up a tiny bit.

I don't like the smell of warts, urine or the sent of urine on door handles and on hands and am not sure about genital areas, whether or not they are clean. When I was 18, my boyfriend rubbed his hand on my face which was urine and I witnessed my gran not wash her hands after the toilet and noticed the smell of urine on my sleeve because my gran was grabbing onto my arm so that she wouldn't fall.

I noticed urine on the tap in my Mums house and urine on my toothpaste and everything my mother touches smells like urine. My mother admits to not always washing her hands after she pees and she puts her fingers inside the cups and glasses also. I have come across information online and been told at school that personal hygiene including hand hygiene, is very important. I have notice that many door handles in public don't smell nice.

I also have childhood and present personal issues to deal with and overcome by speaking to a professional.

I was on a date today with a 27 year old man who was interested in me, we had a barbeque but I ended up cooking and burning mine because he said that I better make my burger myself because of his hands but I said "but sure it is ok, you washed your hands not so long ago". I told him about my hand hygiene issue. We held hands and he asked to snog me but I said no because it was our first date. I asked him twice if he was ok and he smiled and said he was fine. I was trying my best to make the date fun and to show him that I am not that bad, that my hand hygiene issue is nothing personal.

My date text me you won't be seeing me again"

should I have kissed him? should I have kept quiet about my discomforts? after he peed outside, I asked him to wash his hands. I was laughing, chatting, Reading texts from a book and asking him about him and being playful, other than that. He was wearing a ti shirt, hoddie and jeans but I was dressed up and I thought you would wear a shirt for me. I mustn't mean anything.

What should I do on a first date? When should I kiss a guy? when should I go further than a kiss?

What could I have done to make him forget about the barbeque hand hygiene disaster and give him the impression that I am a fun, honest, passionate woman???

Thanks for listening.....

Btw I am not sure what I should do after the access pro-gramme, whether it be 3rd level, plc or fetac course. I was in special education for Dyspraxia, from 7-18. Passed my leaving cert exams in 2008-2010 and got an A2 in ordinary History.

WB.....
25 minutes ago - 4 days left to answer.
Additional Details
I am not an insane person but maybe this a big problem of mine.

It arose in 2011 or less.

I was told by many that it is not a good idea to kiss a man on a first date and he wanted a snog not a kiss, once he kisses me, I know he will start touched touching my legs and breasts etc. It always happens. This is also why I didn't want to kiss him, to keep him interested but I failed that.

[Tim G]

Hi Amy

I think that what your saying about peoples hands and bodeys etc being clean etc is fair enough, your right it isent verry nice when people don't have that kind of care about them selves or arears dont smell clean - its not grate.

About your date - I think thats its fair enough that you stood your ground and said what you want. He should have taken notis of this and not pushed for it but it seams as if he did and mabie also beceuse he dident want you talking about hygean matters then thats why he dident want to see you again. You shouldent feel bad about this or feel that its your fault, ovesley the guy isent suted for you and was probably just going to mess you around. I think that its fair enough that he dosent want to know - there are others out there who will treat you right.

About kissing on a first date I think that is verry much up to how you feel and how things are going - if you feel that its right and think that the other person feels the same way then that could be a idea, if you don't like the idea of it then leave it, a date dosent mean you have to do anything its just getting to know each other.

I think that you should say to him what you want him to know, that way he can get a better idea of who you are - if he still dosent want anything to do with it then thats his loss and he probably isent worth it anyway.

[Little Miss Anxious]

Thanks very much. I am going to speak to somebody anyway. He is right, you can't get away from germs at all and that bad germs are important for the immune system to fight off illnesses etc.

What kind of man suits me then, do you think???

I do want a man who likes to live life at the edge and is adventurious as well as a man who is in a way a christian and very loving. I want him to care about hygiene but to not be afraid to get dirty also. It just buggs me when it is on the hands is all. I love sex, adventurious sex and group and threesome mmf sex. I would compromise with my mate as well.

I am a great singer and I enjoy reading books including books of knowledge on life and people etc and writing stories and watching action and commedies. I like to try out new things but my self esteem has dropped enormously and I struggle when put in a group such as team work because I have excluded mentally and emotionally by my team mates, except on 3 occassions.

Where is that man at all???

[Tim G]

I think really a man which cares about you and takes a intrest in you and can deal with your intrests as well as your issues, not somone who is going to mess you around. - I think you need stablitie with the person your with.

[AlleyCat]

Hi Amy. I don't think you're going to get a guy who's both someone who likes to live 'on the edge' and is also a Christian- I just don't think the two go together. The guy you went on the BBQ date with seems like a knob (pardon my language, but that's how he seems)- you deserve better than that, so I wouldn't fret too much over him. Regardless of how you meet your dates (internet, speed dating etc), don't give up until you find someone who's right for you- I know of women (who aren't dyspraxic) who went on loads of first dates before they found 'the one.' Women with dyspraxia can be especially vulnerable to predatory men, so it's important that you don't compromise yourself and don't get involved in anything you don't feel comfortable with.

[Little Miss Anxious]

cheers. That is very nice of ye.

I am looking for somebody who is balanced.

There are mostly as loving as Jesus and believe in a higher power but they also like to be impulsive at times and take care of themselves mentally, emotinally and physically.

I would like to find somebody who enjoys:

going to nightclubs, movies, pubs and music gigs, lunch, coffee and take aways and ice cream.

shooting targets, surfing, going on boats and planes etc. and who is okay with deep water and heights etc..

topics about humanity, history and the world.

I would like him to have a good sense of humour and like adrenaline activities such as joyriding/speeding in a non pedestrain area, but doesn't it too often and is ok with getting a tiny bit lively or tipsey, once in a while but he has preeety good will power. To be a bit open minded sexually but kind of worship me or something.

He must be aged 23-31 only. ambitious like me and passionate etc.

I want a man to help me reduce my fear through adrenaline activities which challenge my fears.

:bike:

[meow]

The guy you went on a date with does not sound nice at all.

If you do not want to kiss on the first date that is fine. You are getting to know each other on your first date, and unless you are 100% happy with the person then you don't have to kiss them at all.

[Little Miss Anxious]

How will your qualities in a guy for me, help me...........

Relationships fall apart for many reasons.

[Tim G]

How will your qualities in a guy for me, help me...........

What do you mean?

Yes relationships do fall apart for many reasons - one person does somthing bad and the other person can't deal with this so leaves, the other person (or both) cheat and end up with the person they are cheating on, the relationship simpley dosent work and it gets to a point where its not worth it any more, there are issues in the relationship and this causes it to end but both still love each other verry much ........ etc etc.

I know you have been in quite a fue relationships - what reasons have your relationships ended - this might be a clue to where your going wrong.

[BinaryBovine]

Little Miss Anxious, I have to disagree with chat space- stick to your principles and what you feel comfortable with. That guy you talked about does seem a complete tool after one thing. Please don't repeat mistakes I made in the past by thinking only about pleasing him, making him happy. A date is a two way thing, seems to me you were making all the effort- what sort of effort did he make? So the guy wont be seeing you again, good riddance I say!
Being single is a terrific thing, it allows you the time and freedom to develop and learn about yourself. Dating is also a terrific thing, it allows you to learn about other people and what you're looking for in a man. Its also non-committal, so don't jump in or compromise till you find someone who's worth it- you wont know straight away, but thats what dating is for, it tests the waters, its the opportunity to find out more and if he's not Mr Right, move on!
I've always been curious about the dating sites I've seen advertised, I'm not single myself, but if I was and looking for love, I think I'd try eHarmony because it sets out a whole personality profile of who you are and what you want, rather than just matching random people together.

Thats my 2 cents, hope it helps.

[tillydog]

Personally I wouldnt be so desperate to find someone. You're only young. It will happen for you when you're least expecting it. It did for me, I wasnt looking for anyone and wham! We got married last October!

I've seen so many people over the years get themselves into disasterous relationships because they were so desperate to be with someone, especially through high school and college. I was the laughing stock at high school and college because I never had a boyfriend. I didnt care, I'd rather be the laughing stock than to needlessly get myself into some relationship just for the sake of it.

I eventually met my partner when I was 23 and were together for 13 yrs before getting married. He's fantastic and understands me as he also has special needs (severely dyslexic). I help him and he helps me.

[lauraECFan]

First off good on you for standing your ground when you felt a bit pressured.

As for your alertness on hygiene could it be possible you have OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) as people that have that are very often more aware of things that are not right.

Hope this helps