maintaining relationships

Talk about socialising, making friends and relationships

Moderator: Moderator Team

hanna
Getting settled in
Posts: 38
Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2012 9:45 pm

maintaining relationships

Post by hanna » Sat Feb 11, 2012 10:17 pm

Im 19 years old girl and was wondering dose anyone have similar problems with relationships as me.well for starter i have a small group of very close female friends who i love to bits but have big trouble making friends with other girls because was bullied before and now have low self esteem when trying to make new female friends.i have no trouble with male friends though because alot of men find me attractive so this gives me confidence to talk to them.i am naturally a very confident person so no one gets it when i act all awkward and quite all of a sudden like sometimes i get completely tongue tied and cant talk to new people if im stressed and then i just look ignorant and bitchy.
Even though i have no trouble attracting men keeping them is a different story.at first they like me because find me different, intense and sexy but that soon wheres off and they get sick of the emotional out bursts.i over react and have cheated on boyfriends numerous times because small fights.Also when i care about someone i care so so so much but the problem is its either all or nothing with me like before i cant show any interest except for sexual and often treat fellas bad because after sex they just disgust me(more then one fella has said im like i got schizophrenia)then all of a sudden i will fall in love and be absolutely mad about them.i spose fellas find this weird and think im all over the place.also sometimes i freak out and cant bear to be touched.basically am very emotional and fellas think im completely crazy.dose anyone have similar experiences and any advise would be greatly appreciated.
Last edited by hanna on Sun Feb 12, 2012 6:23 pm, edited 2 times in total.

molsonsnobunny
Getting settled in
Posts: 14
Joined: Sun Jan 29, 2012 11:52 am

Re: maintaining relationships

Post by molsonsnobunny » Sun Feb 12, 2012 9:46 am

I have dealt with problems maintaing a good relationship. I don't have many female friends either except for a few and they're tomboys, and hilerious... I'm 27 and have been in so many broken relationships with ex bfs, i've cheated on all of them, for god knows why.. i didn't even understand why half the time. I guess i was search for attention I didn't think I was getting. I even got married when I was 19 to someone I barely knew but wa madly in love with... It didn't last. I moved to the States for him... anyways we lasted 6 years. it fell apart I moved back home. After the divorce I decided I wouldn't date for awhile and focus on myself. I set ground rules before I jumped into a relationship or bed with someone else. I took a look at all the relationships i've had and tried to see where and why they went wrong. Most of the time I was because I was too busy trying to please them that I had in a sense, lost sight of myself. My friend set me up with a guy shortly after I moved back to Canada. I told this guy what I was looking for upfront in a relationship, what I despised, I told him my thoughts, my faults and even my dyspraxia. I figured that i should get it all out of the way now and if he can't accept who I am then hes not worth my time. I have honestly never been happier. Part of my biggest problem was that I held everything in, so fights were usually explosive and what ended the relationship or caused me to stray.
With my bf now I tell him everything, anytime he annoys or pisses me off... sure it may be annoying, and sure we may have fights but we rarely do, and if we do they don't last long... so I guess my advice is respect yourself first..know that your worth the world. And communication is key. I know these are tottally cliched advice... but if you wanna talk feel free to pm me. i hoped that helped.

User avatar
Tim G
Super poster
Posts: 551
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2011 12:57 am
Location: Basingstoke - UK

Re: maintaining relationships

Post by Tim G » Sun Feb 12, 2012 6:18 pm

I see where your coming from and it seams as though your kinda been taking advantage of by others and just letting yourself get into auquid situations (weather you know it, like it or not). How it seams is that boys just see you as hot and somone who is normal and they would like to go out with or have some fun with. However they don't understand and / or know your issues and the problems which they might face so it just gets to much.

My advice would be to really hold off on getting involved with things which could lead on to more intermate relationships untill you know what they are like and if you want to take things further. Then really expalne to them what the facts are, how you want to be treated and if they understand it and arent just going to use you. - If they are ok with that then take it further if you want to but if not then there is not point with it and there are others out there who are more suted to you.
The real Mr Potato Head

capbiker
Getting settled in
Posts: 14
Joined: Wed Feb 01, 2012 7:02 pm

Re: maintaining relationships

Post by capbiker » Sun Feb 12, 2012 7:24 pm

I do think that a hard question. I have had a number of online relationships, but only a small number in real life. I find it hard, to find people to accept me for who I am and not judge me when they first meet me. I know from my experience, I can easily fall head over heals for another female, but it hard for me to know if it is true love, just the moment or something else. I also do find it hard to read the other person if they feel the same way or not. I usually do not act on my feelings, because I would be in fear of getting hurt etc. Maybe that is why I like online relationships because you have got that protection and distance.

cap

JamesWebb
New member - welcome them!
Posts: 7
Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2012 9:36 am

Re: maintaining relationships

Post by JamesWebb » Thu Feb 23, 2012 9:52 am

Communication. Listen to your partner. Avoid blame and judgment. Do not make assumptions. Don't let your emotions dictate your behavior.
Trust and respect. A sense of trust is present when each person feels safe to be open, honest and genuine. Respect helps build this through not judging or criticizing the other's opinions, feelings and beliefs.

User avatar
Tim G
Super poster
Posts: 551
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2011 12:57 am
Location: Basingstoke - UK

Re: maintaining relationships

Post by Tim G » Fri Feb 24, 2012 12:14 am

Thats a fair point James, sometimes its not as easey as it seams and you really have to work for it but if they are worth it then the effort is nessery.
The real Mr Potato Head

hanna
Getting settled in
Posts: 38
Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2012 9:45 pm

Re: maintaining relationships

Post by hanna » Mon Feb 27, 2012 12:32 am

Thanks for the advice everyone...is really helpfull....i spose i have a lot to learn but i dont think being honest is the best idea..i only ever told one fella that i had dyspraxia because he was 10 years older then me so i assumed more mature and all that but he was a cunt about it and used it against me whenever we where fighting...

User avatar
Tim G
Super poster
Posts: 551
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2011 12:57 am
Location: Basingstoke - UK

Re: maintaining relationships

Post by Tim G » Tue Feb 28, 2012 5:47 pm

hanna wrote:Thanks for the advice everyone...is really helpfull....i spose i have a lot to learn but i dont think being honest is the best idea..i only ever told one fella that i had dyspraxia because he was 10 years older then me so i assumed more mature and all that but he was a !@#$%^&* about it and used it against me whenever we where fighting...
The main thing in a relationship is trust and honisty - the 2 go together. If you arnt honist with the person your with then this will cause a loss of trust as other things that you say and do even if thay are true may not be trusted as you have not been honist before and this can lead to further problems.

My advice rerally would be before you get into a relationship (i.e. more the just frends and more then just a fue dates or a fling etc) then explane to them about yourself, your difculities inculding dyspraxicia, what you expect from a relationship and just genralie explane more about yourself and be open and honist.

You really have to get it right from the start and be open and honist with the person your with and not hold things back as this can cause a real problem later. If the person your with dosent accept you for who you are and then leave as its really not worth getting into issues later.
The real Mr Potato Head

hanna
Getting settled in
Posts: 38
Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2012 9:45 pm

Re: maintaining relationships

Post by hanna » Tue Feb 28, 2012 7:01 pm

Your completely right...honesty is very important in a relationship but i think your partner has to earn your trust...i dont think anyone has the right to know everything about me just because were going out..i went out with my last serious boyfriend for two years and didn't tell him..am pretty sure if i did he would have only had less respect for me..like nobody wants to go out with someone who has something wrong with them..and i dont think dyspraxia should define a person..personally i think its something very minor...

User avatar
Tim G
Super poster
Posts: 551
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2011 12:57 am
Location: Basingstoke - UK

Re: maintaining relationships

Post by Tim G » Tue Feb 28, 2012 9:01 pm

Trust is defuntaly erant not given and it really can't be given - somone may say that they trust you or want to but that dosent nessarly mean that they do - it has to be earnt first.

Yes I guess when your going out the other person dosent need to know everything - its up to you what to say and when but keeping things from them which are important is not a good idea.

From what your describing about your last boyfrend it seams as though he really dident treat you right and respected you. Its bad that somone can have less respect for anyone beceuse of there diffrances and dysablities.
Yes dyspraxicia shouldent define a person but it is a part of who you are and for others its a bigger problem so it would take up more of there life and who they are.

I don't agree with you when you say that nobodey wants to go out with somone who has somthing wrong with them - thats not true. - Just beceuse somone has 'somthing wrong with them' dosent mean that no one wants to go out with them. Often a lot of attubets that somone can find attrictive and they might be really suted to the person they are with.
It may seam like no one wants to know you if you have anything wrong with you but this is really not the case - there are people out there who see beiond this and do care.

Take my expample for instance my girlfrend / partner has various difculities (I won't go into them) and as well as my problems it really can cause problems for both of us and oure relationship. Others in my situation may just leave or use it agensed the other person but i wouldent do that at all. I know that allthough there are problems I do want to stay with her and be with her. - I know that thies problems will improve over time but wont compleatly go so I do wan't to and am going out with somone with problems.
The real Mr Potato Head

hanna
Getting settled in
Posts: 38
Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2012 9:45 pm

Re: maintaining relationships

Post by hanna » Tue Feb 28, 2012 10:46 pm

sorry i shouldnt have said that about people not wanting to be with someone who has something wrong because i know its not true..guess am just insecure about it so dont want to tell anyone..like i dont get any help at collage or anything and i could get extra time in exams and all that but am weird about it so dont which i know is stupid but im just not good at accepting help ...i wish u all the best with your girlfriend :) sounds like ye really love each other! and my last boyfriend didnt respect me because i was a bitch and cheated on him but he did get great amusement that i get mixed up with my left and right haha

kdt2402
Regular Poster
Posts: 51
Joined: Tue Jan 24, 2012 11:25 pm
Location: London
Contact:

Re: maintaining relationships

Post by kdt2402 » Fri Mar 16, 2012 1:07 am

Being honest ive had alot of gfs, and yeah ive cheated too. I find it hard to be consistent. One minute im crazy about a girl then the tiniest thing can make me feel like she'll hurt me or something and things change.

It does get to me in a way because i eo want a relationship that will last but doesnt seem to happen

hanna
Getting settled in
Posts: 38
Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2012 9:45 pm

Re: maintaining relationships

Post by hanna » Thu Mar 22, 2012 11:14 am

yer all going on about how honesty is the most important thing in relationships like i think thats a load of crap like being honest is all good if the truth is nice but when its not being honest just fucks things up..iv ruined alot of relationship from being honest some things are better not said...but spose the truth dose seem to have a way of coming out in the end.......

User avatar
Tim G
Super poster
Posts: 551
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2011 12:57 am
Location: Basingstoke - UK

Re: maintaining relationships

Post by Tim G » Fri Mar 23, 2012 12:21 am

Your right the truth will come out in the end!
I can see where your coming from when you say that the truth is better not said but really if your with somone then you have to take the good news as well as the bad - whatever the truth is.
The real Mr Potato Head

Wobble
Getting settled in
Posts: 29
Joined: Mon Dec 27, 2010 5:36 pm

Re: maintaining relationships

Post by Wobble » Thu Mar 29, 2012 12:41 pm

I dont know if anyone can realte but being dyspraxic, can anyone relate in only being able to communicate during certain hours of the day? I find i can't communicate well with people if i've been concentrating a lot in school and then meet them as i have so many thoughts trailing through my head. I do allow myself to shut down when i can but often it's not long enough to fuel my brain for no better words!! Any advice?

Post Reply