Lonelyness and making friends.

[Little Miss Anxious]

I am 24 and went to Special school from 7-18. My father passed away from pancreas cancer when I was coming on 17. I am paying 100 euro weekly rent and a pay as you go meter for electricity separately.

I am doing a University Access part time course and I have noticed that many of the students on that course mix with each-other but they don't mix with me, they just use small talk and leave me out of discussions and pause after I speak, not reply to me and change the subject and talk among each-other leaving me out. They have refused with hesitation and using many excuses, whenever I ask for their number, I have tried 3times. I want a female friend, a good female friend who doesn't judge me to hang out with once a week or a group of girls.

I think I had some friends in the past but they are very busy with their own lives and one of them would definitely strongly disagree with my values on sex because it goes against society and makes me promiscuous but that works for me and I chose carefully who I get intimate with.

Have an older male friend who I don't really like anymore because I felt smothered, that he was clingy or needy, over protective, we fell out often over small things such as History and meeting men as well as me not obeying his advice or opinions because they don't agree with my values and I don't like them and don't feel in control of my life, we also had a sexual relationship because he really missed sex, liked me, feel comfortable with me, was very attracted to me and felt left out in a sexual way, he also let things slip to my Mum and younger sister about things I wanted to keep to myself while telling me that they don't have to know. I don't meet what I call strangers.

I meet people or men who I like and have got to know online and on the phone and I choose whether or not I want us to meet in person. I have never gotten into trouble with this and we meet in public. I like risks and to not take a risk is taking a risk, so they say. A boy in the flat next to me wants to stop all communication because he says " I don't know you and you are a stranger", even though he suggested the cinema. I feel so lonely. I don't want to commit to a man yet.

I really miss Mike who I met online, we spoke online for a week or so and we spoke on the phone by text and phone call for months and he had told me at the beginning, that he wanted a committed relationship and that he liked me but I said I wasn't ready so we agreed on friends with benefits but eventually he said "are you ready to take the relationship to the next level" but I said no because I have no friends and specifically no female friends and want to have many more intimate experiences before I commit and get a job, even though I was falling for Mike and really liked Mike, I felt passionately attracted to him and he has become distant on 31st December2011.

I am thinking of doing something voluntary even though I need a part - time job for social, financial and mind reasons.

I feel fed up and my ex friends with benefits Colm has said that it serves me right that I don't have any Friends because I don't really want to spend time with him but he wants to spend time with me, that it is karma and that I got what was coming to me. A friend from Special school has quite allot of emotional baggage, is making many suggestions on my flat which I am not keen about and he fancies me and thinks the world of me. I don't know what to do. I really just want some good female friends to socialise with weekly.

what is the correct way to go about making friends on a course or in a job???

What can you do to convince them to spend time with you weekly or make them want to spend time with you weekly? btw, being myself never works. I have many interests in life including the meaning of life and singing. etc.

Thanks for listening.

WB...


I am only on an 188 euro disability allowance which comes to me regularly.

I want to have some good female friends who can accept how I live life and think the same way as me and share many interests with me.

[hanna]

Heyy was wondering how come you get disability and went to a special school???i didnt think dyspraxia was counted as a proper disability.i think going to a special school must have made things worse for you because your obv smart like i can tell by your post that you would be able for mainstream school academically anyways.like if you went to a mainstream school you would be around more "normal"people and would have better social skills.
I totaly understand where your coming from because i also have trouble making female friends aswel i can be 2 blunt and end up insulting them.you say they dont like that your promiscuous but thats just life girls dont like sluts simple as.I also take risks and am very impulsive.i think it makes me feel alive life seems so dull and mundane without risks.But i think you should stop having sex with men off the internet.Alot of men online are creeps and predators and one day your luck could run out.Your making yourself so vulnerable and alot of these men are prob using you weather you realize it or not.Im not judging you because i have slept with alot of fellas myself and if im honest alot of them were using me.
As for making friends my advise is start out talking to girls one on one i find that less intimidating then geting involved in group conversation.Also dont ask for there numbers until your have made a relationship and regularly talk to them at collage or work.keep conversation light and cheerful uno just normal small talk to start with.People wont mind that your quirky just dont freak them out.Try to act like yourself but a more normal you when talking to people you dont know very well.Also dont let the girls you want to make friends with know how promiscuous you are.Eventhough there all prob at it themselves people tend to keep that side of therelife private from people they dont know well.
And most importantly of all keep your head up darlin!!!!dont lose confidence no matter how hard things get.There have been times in my life when iv had no friends and felt completely alone but i got through it and so will you.If you make an effort with people and they still dont like you **** them because your better then them and you will find a group of good friends eventually.people who dont like you just because your a bit different are small minded and ignorent!!!

[Little Miss Anxious]

True but the same goes for men who meet in pubs and clubs etc.

I am confortable with doing both.

I have discovered that since I did dating online, I have been getting many dates, which is preety sad because all I get is one night casual encounters.

Yes 1 friends doesn't like casual sex altogether.

There are many creeps out there but there are also many cool people out there online and offline. I have been played with by a man who I met on a course and got upset over a guy I met I met at a music gig, with my sister who spent many times with him, before me.

I think there are too many bad things said about dating online.

I have made some nice people.

maybe we can all be creeps. I think people mean weirdos by creeps because I wouldn't understand why many of them would be on a dating site but understand that they have been and can be on social sites. Also why pay for dating online if you just want to cause trouble?

What I like about dating online is that the person has said many things about themselves so you can just decided whether you will get along or not, whereas if you meet a man at a course or something and just spend time together, you don't know what they are after, what t

[hanna]

yah spose you have a good point i have also met my fair share of creeps and assholes and have never dated online.I think the media paints a very negative picture of online dating and that is where my views come from.guess i should try and be less judgmental..and i have no problem with casual sex but dont think it for me because i usually end up wanting a relationship.