Emotional Outbursts

[Twiglett]

I am in the happiest, and longest relationship I've ever been in. We've just reached a year (which was a massive deal for me), and it's also the first relationship I've been in where my boyfriend doesn't have any sort of anger issues. I'm used to screaming, and stuff being thrown, or very clever verbal abuse that I wouldn't quite get. But my boyfriend is lovely, and safe, I know he will never hurt me or cheat on me. But I keep having these mood swings, and they're slowly destroying my relationship. The smaller ones I can generally catch and sort out, but sometimes I just seem to flip. I get so upset and angry, and say and do things to try and hurt him. As soon as I've had time to myself and calmed down, I have no idea why I got so angry, and looking back, I don't even recognise myself.
With the help of my councillor (who I haven't actually told about my Dyspraxia, I think because I don't want to blame it for my issues), I can now notice the small swings quite soon after they happen, and fix them, before it goes too far. She's also helped me realise, that all these things I get angry and upset about, that seem like nothing, and ridiculous things to get upset over, are all things that are said or done, that made me feel unwanted, or forgotten about, or just generally not considered, and they make me feel worthless. looking at it logically, I over react on tiny things, but I can't help it, I don't see it happening. It's just suddenly there and very hard to back away from.
Does any one else have this problem? and are there any ways of dealing with it?

Also, while I'm here, I have another problem, that I've seen mentioned on this site, that is affecting our relationship. Our sexual relationship is going very wrong, because most times we try and do anything, I either find myself starting to get distracted by something, and then feel really awkward and guilty and uncomfortable, and I get myself out of the mood because I feel bad. It's not that I'm not enjoying it or anything, I just find it almost impossible to focus sometimes, especially when there's something else going on, like music, or hearing other people in the house, or a fly popping in and out of my eye line. Or, if its not that, I suddenly can't stand to be touched, and have a mini freak out, and need some personal space. That ones the worst, because it comes on so suddenly, and I just have to get away. Any one have any advice for either of these things too? I haven't quite got to the stage with my councillor yet where I can discuss sexual things. It still feels weird. But from what I've read on here, I feel like there might be people who understand.

[Tim G]

clever verbal abuse that I wouldn't quite get

I know the feeling

First of all it sounds like you have a stable and loving relationship which is verry and it seams as though you partner understands so thats a real positive aspect.
From what you are saying about the counceling it seams as though its helping so I think the best thing to do is to focus on thies issues and really keep trying and practising to 'catch them' and deal with the emotions as soon as they happen or you think they might. Dealing with emotions takes time, so dont expect imeadeate or fast results. It seams as though you are dealing with smaller outbursts so that is good - keep on trying and you will deal and cope with the bigger outbursts in time.

About your sexual relationship - I think that the best thing to do would be to start from basics with yourself first (without your partner around), focus on yourself, your body an mind - what intrests you and what bothers you and really try to focus. Chose a time where there is lickely to be minimal distractions and find out what works for you also talk to your partner about it and explane what you doing and why it will help things and its not beceuse you just dont want him around (you don't want to make him feel that he is no good).
Then when you realise what the best situations and things are for you put them into practis with him - don't expect it to be all ok the first time or first fue times but keep on practising and trying and trying diffrent options and it should improve. - The main thing is to not give up and to keep trying and agnolage the times that it has gone well and you both have enjoyed it.

[cazzzzy]

i have a similar problem,i's so frustrating and put me off having a relationship...then spend days feeling bad and upset and not understanding why ? as i have enjoyed it just so hard

[Tom fod]

I have similar feelings and think at times it is very much part and parcel of my low self esteem. I'm very giving so at times i feel under appreciated or that people are avoiding me and also because I am like I am I sometimes feel I have little or no chance of ever finding someone and enjoying a lasting relationship which is silly as many other people in relationships get it very wrong, you only have to watch the TV.

I think you're doing all the right things by seeing a counsellor so keep at it and try not to be hard on yourself when things don't seem to be going as well as you'd like them to. Might be worth mentioning dyspraxia to see if your counsellor has ever heard of it but I think you're getting there so no need to mention it if you think it would just cause confusion.

All the best

Tom