Dyspraxia putting a strain on relationships

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Tim G
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Dyspraxia putting a strain on relationships

Post by Tim G »

I don't realy know where to start but I feel that I should say about my experance with dyspraxia and the effects on relationships etc.

Basickly it just messes a lot of things up, espshlie like showing that you achulie care and that you remember stuff. For example not remembering to phone when you said that you would, or turn up at a certin time or at all even, being aware that you are with somone and they achulie exist. - With me I feel that I have to remind my self that I am even with somone in the first place.
Other things like thinking before you talk, understanding whats going on and what you partner is saying and feeling etc can cause a lot of issues.

I guess I find that its all the things that are taken for granted / expected in a relationship I find realy hard to do or even achive at all.

I don't know if this affects others in the same way as me or if its beceuse my partner has compleate awareness of herself and whats going on etc and has a lot of other issues which affects things. However it makes it seam so harder and unreachable to achive the basic requirments so that can put a massive strain on our relationship at times. Unlike other people I have been with or just people who I have known, she understand its beceuse of my dyspraxia which does help. Many people don't understand this and just think its just me being compleatly out of order to them.
The real Mr Potato Head
DSA Tutor Aileen
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Re: Dyspraxia putting a strain on relationships

Post by DSA Tutor Aileen »

Hey G.

I think you are right there about the strain on relationships. But I think people put too many stresses on these "signs" that you love them, like you have to cater to that all the time. It is all just one big capitalist cliche.

But mostly I think, speaking as a dyspraxic myself, from a large family of odd people, that we have great things that other people don't have. When I grew up in that family we had so much humour about how life was for us strange people, and even though I still feel different, I do like being me and if that is not what people want then move on.
At present it is just me and my daughter, but we have a positive relationship and a bond that my friends envy. I do find other people's cliche demands boring. Don't beg your way into a relationship, apologizing for dyspraxia. It doesn't pay in the long run. That is just low self esteem talking. "Coz I'm not worth it."

Dyspraxics have some really special features: don't be with someone that cannot appreciate those. We are much more sensitive and that is good for "sensitive exchanges" to put it mildly. Being sensitive in observing and feeling others is a gift (as well as a curse sometimes). All the best people are odd, but most people would rather the "easy life" of being normal. (Is that a myth that wares many masks in people's lives).

Religion is useful here: God made me like this. It is wrong to hate his/her creation...me.

If you forget other people around you sometimes, that's ok. It is not normal to be "in touch" 24/7. But it is rather the case that you are more aware of your absences. Awareness is good. Don't let it turn to paranoia. Some people like close-close, others don't. For god's sake it is a diverse world, not just a McDonald's Ad we are living in!

Aileen
Tim G
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Re: Dyspraxia putting a strain on relationships

Post by Tim G »

I understand what your saying but there is a lot more to the relationship and my partner that I can't say but its a lot more complacted then I have probably made so its not exactly straight forward to put it lightly.

It defuntly isent just one big cliche I think I am just fustrated that I can't even do the simpleast of things or to remember what to do and what not to do etc.
The real Mr Potato Head
mattyjacko
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Re: Dyspraxia putting a strain on relationships

Post by mattyjacko »

Yes I find dyspraxia does have an impact on relationships. When I first had a girlfriend at 17 I just did not understand how to empathise with her. I was a nice guy and very thoughtful but I could not get my head around how she thought differently and how she reacted to things in very different ways to me. For example when I am sick I want attention, people around me making me feel better so it really confused me when my girlfriend wanted to be alone and got annoyed by me asking to help and be with her.

I find the memory thing a huge frustration. I could never remember things that i had done or said, I never remember detail in things so it seems like you are not listening or you are being stubborn. So many arguments were caused by her bringing up something that i had said or done that had made her feel bad and me not remembering it and thinking she was just attacking me and trying to be controlling or being melodramatic.

I feel that I get way too attached to people, really quickly to the point of obsession, whether i just like someone or it is serious love I just cant stop those thoughts and sometimes they get out of control. It made me very needy in my relationship, as I couldnt control my intense feelings I felt really bad if she couldnt see me for a few days or said she was busy and was constantly hurt when she would see friends as much or more then me.

That was 5-6 years ago and in becoming an adult, travelling the world and doing a uni degree I have learned empathy and to think as if you are the other person and understand differences in opinion and how people act. maturity definately helps with dyspraxia and relationships.

I now seem to only have the same problems that anyone else has such as finding someone that is compatible with me, someone who is serios and really likes me and someone who understands me and them being straight and single. I am an expert at fancying girls who turn out to be gay or have boyfriends, like at the moment I have just found that a girl that I like has a boyfriend :'(.

I am over emotional and sometimes my feelings get out of hand but i think that is more due to my personality than to do with dyspraxia.

The benefits of dyspraxia (for me anyway)

it makes you very patient (exept maybe with love and feelings)
makes me very tolerant of faults and differences so i am less picky and dont make a small fault of character trait put me off someone.
makes you more friendly as it causes over talkativeness, this makes me a lot of friends and people think I am really fun (crazy and hyper maybe but in a good way)
makes you more in tune with emotion, this is very advantagous in relationships, a lot pf people just are not in tune with emotion and dont have deep feelings so having these things makes relationships more worthwhile because you can be more thoughtful and have a greater aprecialtion of your partner
it makes me more affectionate. Dyspraxic seem to be either affectionophiles or affectionophobes, either affection/closeness hating or affection closeness loving, in my case i love affection and can tolerate even the most clingy of girls, it also makes me a great friend for females as i am intune with their level of emotion and understand their needs.
it is a great form of entertainment for myself and others. If you find someone that understands your clumsiness and finds it cute and funny it can actually helkp with relationships, more to talk about and more embarasing moments to share.

So i think once i find someone again my dyspraxia will actually be a positive thing and not a negative, so others out there have hope there are benefits to our disability and not just drawbacks.
ghostrider1979
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Re: Dyspraxia putting a strain on relationships

Post by ghostrider1979 »

Hi Everyone my name is ben i'm 32 and recently been unofficially diagnosed dsypraxic.

Does anyone here have problems not understanding friends views on things and not being able to relate - leading to angry emotional outbursts??

I find it difficult sometimes to relate. I Try to help them with my views on things and then if they dont see my point of view i think they obviously havent listened to me I hate this. I think they have ignored me and then i get very angry emotional. Often screaming and shouting at them. Its like i have no control over my actions, like i'm so overwhelmed with it all.

I dont mean to upset them.
Tim G
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Re: Dyspraxia putting a strain on relationships

Post by Tim G »

I dont mean to upset them.
I am the same, I often don't understand things and then will often say somthing which is compleatly inapproapte / offencive and it just annoys people. I often feel like people arnt and dont want to listen to me but raver then just saying that they dont listen they will just shut up and get annoyed at me as it was probably clear that they dident want to know (however I dident know that).
The real Mr Potato Head
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