Recently diagnosed dysoraxic - worried about relationships

[Kim1]

Hi
I got directed to this site for help with dyspraxia as I have just been diagnosed by my uni - currently deciding whether to get a referral as I am 27 so have developed many coping techniques already.
I came into this section because although I have been with my partner for years and we are getting married in the Autumn it is that aspect of my life that is really up in the air. We have always had disputes over my housework skills and inability to cook at times. (I know now this could all be because of how being dyspraxic affects me). At the miinute its one of those bad times so I came here looking for help but feel worse now after reading someones posts about living with a dyspraxic partner.
PLEASE can people tell me that they are not all doom and gloom and that their partners are understanding and supportive. I'm worrying that prehaps marrying my partner could be wrong if living with a dyspraxic is that hard and I don't want that for him.

[abby]

a lot of people who have neuro-diverse parterners do find it difficult sometimes, but the love is there none the less.
you dont marry someone you can live with, you marry someone you cant live without.

the only difference about getting the diagnosis is that you have a name for your difficulties, and that you can get support, there were there before any diagnosis, and they are a part of you as much as any of your other traits. your fiance fell in love with you, and all of you, having a label does not change who you are, but may give you both rescorces to help you both cope.

i know it may seem that relationships are streched by dyspraxia, but i think a lot of that is that here is a safe place for people to talk about thier stresses, so it often gives things a negative appearence to many things.

my father is neurodiverse, and although it causes arguments, i think the fact that the marriage has lasted 21 (mostly) happy years is evidence enough.

[Kim1]

Thank youso much for your kind, helpful reply

I spoke to my partner too and he said it was my odd little ways he fell for.

[suzie]

I can see that some of the posts about the difficulties of living with a dyspraxic partner have caused distress and that perhaps this is not the best place to air these views and feelings - I don't think anyone blames anyone for their disability: in my case I have only just realised that I have been with someone for 30 years who I now recognise is dyspraxic, so a lot of my issues are about dealing with the fallout from that. If we had known what dyspraxia was back then when we got married then I would never have put my husband under the pressure of performing like a 'normal' person with DIY, household stuff, social situations, financial responsabilities, having kids.....we could have worked together to address some problems - but because I had never even heard of Dyspraxia until a few years ago and because I only realised recently that my husband fitted that picture, I now know that we have BOTH suffered because of that lack of knowledge, with me having to do everything, and its too late to change that. But if you are younger and working together to address the issues then the picture is so much better. I loved my husband very much when we got married but a lifetime of responsability and pressure has worn me down. Now the best thing I can do for him is just leave him in peace to recover from the nightmare of teenagers and holding down a job with pressures for years. I am not sure if its worth now me even trying to address these issues. I have had my dyspraxic daughter helped so much via NLP and if anyone wants to be put in touch with my practioner who is brilliant then let me know. She is going to be seeing clients in London one day a week and its pretty much a one off session, or two at most, to make the changes needed in the subconscious in order to perform better. My daughter is a completely different person now after NLP and is so much more focused and capable. She is having another session today about the one difficult problem of weight issues (a problem for many people with Dyspraxia because of the difficulty of coping with following diets and organising to do sport and stuff) so I will let you know if it works! Everyone reading this already knows about their problem or the problem with their partners, and that's a good start. I wish we had...finding this forum last month has been great for me as for 30 years I have lived a situation I didn't understand with absolutely no support - so please hold off before making any negative judgements about me like the last person!

[agsiul]

This forum seems like the ideal place to blow off steam and to get advice. It is much better than taking to people out there who don't have a clue and complaining to your friends all the time about the same thing. It is as you say difficult after 30 years. I didn't even bother telling my family because when I told them that I had been to my gp and was put on medication for the raynauds and was suffering from migraines I was told I was a hypocondriac. My mother calls my migraines "your headaches" .....litteraly with the inverted commas and the tone!

[EddyGladders]

It's nothing to worry about if you have dyspraxia and you want a partner, the important thing is that your partner is patient and accepts it. If you have a partner like some people I've seen on here, you supposedly love their partner yet all they do is complain about them over a forum then thats not a good choice. I let my girlfriend know about my dyspraxia, she accepted it and she has so much patience with me, when I take awhile to get to my feet because I'm clumsy or forget things she doesn't mind. I'm sure it bothers her a little, after all I unintentionally make her life a little more difficult at times and I'd be surprised if she wasn't bothered just a little but at the end of the day I've found someone with patience and she will sit and listen to me when I have a bad day, as I do for her.

The ultimate advice I can give to you for a relationship is let someone know of the difficulties, yes you may have someone insensitive who will shun you and complaining about it, I've had it. My ex broke up with me the moment I had my first problem with it, complaining she didn't want to get landed with caring for me, but I don't need a carer, I need a patient girl who accepts me which I have. So it may be awhile but there are plenty of patient people out there

[WTCCFan]

I know I am a right one to talk expertly about relationships when I have never had one but speaking as an observer I don't think dyspraxia really has that much of an impact on your level of success or failure. I think most of our failure to attract the opposite sex comes down to our own lack of confidence and self-esteem.

It is our lack of confidence and self-esteem that would be more likely to drive any insecurity about how we compare to other men or women (depending on what sex we are) in the eyes of the opposite sex as a suitable partner that they can get a lot of good things from or how we would do helping to initiate a meeting with someone of the opposite sex.

Dypraxia I think would affect us in as much as, since it is a condition of dexterity and co-ordination, if we were to mess up in some way, unless they knew beforehand and accepted that, I would imagine any man or woman looking for nothing less than perfection in a partner wouldn't look to kindly on that.

But as for how we look at ourselves and how we think we look in the eyes of potential partners I think that would only improve if we somehow got over any anxieties and insecurities brought about by a lack of confidence and self-esteem.