Lack of friends

Talk about socialising, making friends and relationships

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Wobble
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Lack of friends

Postby Wobble » Sat Feb 19, 2011 11:34 pm

Does this effect most dyspraxics? Does it improve with age?Why does dyspraxia mean its hard to make friends?

Osymandus
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Re: Lack of friends

Postby Osymandus » Sun Feb 20, 2011 5:08 pm

Hi
It can be related autistic traits , or just its difficult to maintain and juggle everyone , or even low self esteem . Does it get better , really down to you , like anything its about finding out about your self and what you like and sometimes not what society things you should or shouldn't be doing .

Wobble
Getting settled in
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Re: Lack of friends

Postby Wobble » Sun Feb 20, 2011 7:54 pm

I don't think i have autistic traits really because i do understand people and can sympthise with people.I just find it hard to keep a conversation flowing .... could this be related to very poor short term\working memory (4th percentile) and block design (6th percentile) that i put people off or something?
I'm seeing a neurolgist aswell,is this compulsary recommendation?
Thanks!

Catwoman42
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Re: Lack of friends

Postby Catwoman42 » Sun Feb 20, 2011 11:09 pm

I have a few very close friends, and the hardest thing I find is remembering things that they've told me or things that they have done, so that I can ask them about it. I also talk about me a lot, possibly because I live by myself. I tend to repeat things as I can't remember what I have already said. It's a cliche, but the best way to make friends is to be a friend. It's hard at times, but the rewards are great.

SirDaveofDanger
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Re: Lack of friends

Postby SirDaveofDanger » Sun Feb 20, 2011 11:37 pm

I only have about 10 people I class as close friends, who have been there for me through thick and thin and even though we don't see each other as often as i'd like, we just get on like a house on fire when we meet up again. I do have quite a few 'friends' but most of them are related to work so I don't really want to see them outside of that.

Evasura
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Re: Lack of friends

Postby Evasura » Mon Feb 21, 2011 12:29 pm

well, 10 close friends doesn't sound that bad...if they are good friends. I can count my good close friends with one hand. Isn't it better quality than quantity?
Eva in London

meow
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Location: Wales

Re: Lack of friends

Postby meow » Mon Mar 14, 2011 12:16 am

I find it really hard to make friends, unless they talk to me first I'll probably never talk to them. I aslo can't seem to talk to people I know that well. Its horrible if I go out and theres some one I don't know, I'll be quiet all night.. :(
I also find it hard to understand what people mean, or whether they are joking or not. However, I do have a few good friends and a few people I'd call best friends. :)

KimJoy
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Re: Lack of friends

Postby KimJoy » Tue Mar 22, 2011 8:03 pm

I've always had problems with friends
actually they thought i had something socially wrong with me in primary because i played by myself at recess (though in reality I was always looking for someone not playing sports to play with, I didn't want to try to join in a game and get laughed at)
This has gotten a lot better for me though since I was diagnosed with dyspraxia
My diagnosis made me feel like i wasn't some idiot who couldn't do anything right( which is how I felt even though I have an extremely mild dyspraxia)
And this new found self confidence has helped me make friends
There are many things that we are strong in
such as empathy
Cherish and grow your strengthens
and after awhile these things will help you make friends

Belboz99
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Re: Lack of friends

Postby Belboz99 » Wed Mar 23, 2011 3:02 am

I'm 30 with Aspergers, and the most friends I had was when I was in the Boy Scouts. Several of those friendships persisted well past scouting age, one of them eventually being the "Best Man" at my wedding.

Since the Scouts though, I haven't really acquired any true friendships other than my wife. There's been a number of people that I know on a first-name basis, and we talk and such, but those friendships have by-and-large existed solely in the classroom. My wife is the only person I've met in college and actually did something outside of class together.

Unfortunately, people grow apart. I have only seen 2 of my Scouting buddies in the past 5 years, with a total of perhaps 5 visits between them.

My wife is likely to have dyspraxia, and I was her first date, first kiss, first "everything" at 24. She has a couple of friends she made in High School that she's seen once or twice since we were married.

We were both lucky to find one of our classmates in 2009 on Facebook. He was the only friend I really had at my highschool (the scouts all went to other schools), and since reconnecting with him we've been hanging out on a regular basis. He has a long-term girlfriend who my wife's become good friends with. He's also now my wife's boss. :P

We go bowling once a week when we can, and he usually invites a few other old friends from high school, and so it's usually a fun time with around 6 of us in total.

I just don't want to risk burning out our friendship, and I know wifey should really go out and socialize more as well. It doesn't help that the city we live is very cold / unsocial.

Dan O.

agsiul
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Re: Lack of friends

Postby agsiul » Wed Mar 23, 2011 6:30 pm

That really is a tricky one. I'm sort of in the same boat myself at the minute in that because of the recession a lot of my friends had to leave the country. It has left me with very few people to socialise with and those that are here have kids or are flat out studying so it is difficult ot meet them. I like my own company but when I go to visit people I don't notice the time going by and I could be there for hours so I don't drop in too often cause I know it will wreck their heads.

rachelgrg
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Re: Lack of friends

Postby rachelgrg » Fri Mar 25, 2011 2:28 pm

I am 23, a mother of a 3 yr old,living with partner, doing my 1st year uni and absolutely suck =friend-less.
I went to an international boarding school and hung out with the 'popular group' in high school ironically! it was a typical american bitchy enviable group though I found it so intimidating and out of place inside to be hanging out with a group...i could not follow up with the conversation,conversation about movies, music,their philiosophies etc....but because it was a big group..may be it was not very apparent. - what I find strange and funny is people think I have a good social life- like people from my work, my cousins!!?? - i think that is i give out an image that i am very happy, and social.Atleast in high school - being very stylish etc i think sometimes that can give a false image. Now I am not in school nymore..and after school - stylish etc isn't enough to get friends but ability to socialise...continue conversations etc..i am just crippled without any friends. Do you guys meet up or is it only an online thing? //.

SciFiBoy
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Re: Lack of friends

Postby SciFiBoy » Sun Mar 27, 2011 1:47 am

it can be really hard, I never had any friends at all at secondary school in fact, now im at Uni things are better though, I have people who I would consider friends, its difficult to start talking to people I dont know though and if it werent for things I joined here I doubt I would have made many friends at all

agsiul
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Re: Lack of friends

Postby agsiul » Mon Mar 28, 2011 9:50 pm

I had no friends in school. Had friends in college and afterwards. It's all down to practice really. You just keep practicing and you get better and better.

WTCCFan
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Re: Lack of friends

Postby WTCCFan » Wed Aug 03, 2011 1:11 pm

I think most of the people I have known through my life are aquaintances.

That mostly due to the fact I think as a person, not because of my dyspraxic tendencies, I find it hard to make friends. Take that plunge and just brazenly walk up to someone and get to know them. I am a very withdrawn anyway in as much as I don't believe by going up to someone and begin talking to them with no permission to do so from them, I am doing anything other than intruding on their life when they have better things they need to be doing. I am also withdrawn in as much as I don't see much in myself that people would buy into and find of interest to entice and excite them.

Those are obstacles I find hard to find ways to overcome.

Catwoman42
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Re: Lack of friends

Postby Catwoman42 » Wed Aug 03, 2011 2:55 pm

I have recently finished a course. I went to learn, not make friends. Perversely, I found that this made me popular! I like the friends that I have and don't feel I need any more. I must have given off some air of mystique because everybody wanted to be my friend and work with me.
I have now discovered, a bit later in life than I would have liked, that however lonely you are it is important not too appear vulnerable or needy. My ex boyfriend was messing me about when we went out, he got back in touch recently, but because I am not showing much interest he is keen to meet. There were some people on the course who were very needy and it showed. I learned from this that if you appear to be self sufficient, friendly and independent it will attract people to you.


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