Getting into a relationship (both friendhip and romantic...)

Talk about socialising, making friends and relationships

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hollypop18
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Getting into a relationship (both friendhip and romantic...)

Post by hollypop18 » Sun Jun 20, 2010 4:15 pm

I have serious issues with making friends and staying friends with people, I also really struggle with holding down a romantic relationship, Ive been told that I'm "weird" by the few friends I do have because I dont fit into the conventional "box" I mean I have dyspraxia, I'm a lesbian and fat, not the best combination of things to be, I dont follow trends at all if anything Im an old person in a younger persons body, I can be a tad over the top with things too.

im quite happy with who I am I just cant seem to keep friends or relationships, and I find it really difficult going up to people and introducting myself in the fear theyre gonna think im weird. Ive started going to a swimming club but theyre mainly children or the elderly, Im 22 and not interested in drinking or clubbing. Its infuriating!!!

I just wana have some mates a similar age to me.

Has anyone got any tips???
Thank you muchly xx

cpr02
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Re: Getting into a relationship (both friendhip and romantic

Post by cpr02 » Mon Jun 21, 2010 3:11 pm

great question ! im like you i have few friends who i get on really well with but find it torture meeting new people too - romantically unless someones really blatantly obvious :D i struggle to pick up on body language / signals in the early stages of a relationship #-o and although no ones ever called me weird im sure some of my friends /people i work with have found som e of the things i do and ways i approach things strange :banana:

i can manage going for drinks / clubing in small groups but hate it with a passion if in a large group but never really feel i "fit in " when there but always worry if i don't go i'll end up missing a good time

sorry i cant think of any tips but like you would really like some just thought i'd let you know i know how you feel ! :D :D xx

hollypop18
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Re: Getting into a relationship (both friendhip and romantic

Post by hollypop18 » Thu Jun 24, 2010 4:50 pm

Thanx cpr its good that someone else is in a similar position! Thats the thing I dont pick up on signals at all, Im constantly told how weird i am lol so ur lucky : ) x

Lizzi
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Re: Getting into a relationship (both friendhip and romantic

Post by Lizzi » Sat Jun 26, 2010 1:57 pm

I have always really struggeled to make friends, and have only a handful really. I have been in a relationship since I was 16, and 7 years on we are engaged and still happy together (but this I know is very unusual anyway, people who meet so young often don't stay together). I don't like drinking much and that seems to go hand in hand with clubbing. I did try this but i really hated it and only did it to fit in. I struggle enough to keep control of what i am doing with the dyspraxia - I hardly need alcohol to make things worse lol! However its hard when most people seem to enjoy this sort of thing, its very much the cluture for young people today (sound like my mum). I do like getting dressed up and having an evening out occaionally but I couldn't do it all the time like some do! I'd rather chill out in front of the telly.

What I am saying I guess, is there will be somebody like you, it may take time but it will happen. Another way I coped when not having friendships was having my rats to show (which didn't help that everyone thought i was a freak already at school LOL) . When you get into a hobby like that, you all have the same thing in common and gives you somewhere to start off. I also found that alot of people and people still are in the rat fancy damaged people who have had their own fair share of issues and we help eachother along. I guess this would be a perfect way to find a relationship through a hobby, preferably even an unusual one. Unusual hobbys often attractive unusual yet beautiful minds and people who are *open minded* and with that who knows what the future could hold :)

hollypop18
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Re: Getting into a relationship (both friendhip and romantic

Post by hollypop18 » Sat Jun 26, 2010 2:02 pm

Thanx Lizzie was a great help : ) xx

Catwoman42
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Re: Getting into a relationship (both friendhip and romantic

Post by Catwoman42 » Sun Jun 27, 2010 7:03 pm

I get the signals..I just get bored.

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Lady Fluff
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Re: Getting into a relationship (both friendhip and romantic

Post by Lady Fluff » Tue Jun 29, 2010 5:06 pm

Hi Holly,

Dyspraxic Jewish Lesbian Pagan here, so I 'get' the multi-labels thing!

I met my fiancee 8 years ago at a gig, well, a series of gigs where we followed a band round the country (the Indigo Girls, being a lesbian band, was a great way to meet other potential romances!). We'd briefly met via their online forum before, but no sparks ensued until we met in person. Turns out she's dyspraxic - well, she was diagnosed before I was (I only got diagnosed as a result of understanding her symptoms, and realised if she was, I had to be!!!). I was always far more sociable than she was - I went out drinking with uni pals, and generally got involved in stuff more. But just because she didn't do that stuff (and I don't really any more...), it didn't mean I didn't fall madly in love with her. It's a horrible cliche, and it's very easy for me to say from this perspective, that when the time is right, you'll meet the right person. There's a lot of stuff we don't have in common, and had it not been for our mutual love of the band, we would probably never have met (we lived 4 hours apart for the first 2 years of the relationship - I got through a lot of books on all the train rides!).
And Lizzi's right - a hobby will help. I'm not a rat lady, but a hamster lady, and have made lots of friends from all sorts of backgrounds through showing hamsters (haven't graduated to breeding them yet, but hope to in the future!). Actually, I've been amazed by the number of lesbians in the hamster fancy world as well! LOL! Rodents are clearly the way forward!
"I will not be bound by what they tell me I can be; I will not stay silent, I will speak my liberty" (Kendall Payne)

SirDaveofDanger
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Re: Getting into a relationship (both friendhip and romantic

Post by SirDaveofDanger » Wed Jun 30, 2010 10:55 pm

The last big friend I made was just by chance (well partly that, partly both of us swearing at spitting oil when cooking a fry up for the clients I work with/for). Tbh friends haven't really been an issue up until the last few years, when I haven't let very many people into my 'Circle' (blame 'life long friends' for stabbing me in the back), but i'm starting to let a few people back in and enjoy going for drinks with a variety of people.

As for relationships, well I have several psycho ex's (not quite the 'Wayne's World' gun rack buying phase, but you get my drift), but my most recent Ex was lovely (and we would be together now were it not for distance issues) and I actually initiated the whole relationship (which those who knew me 3 years ago wouldn't have predicted)

hollypop18
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Re: Getting into a relationship (both friendhip and romantic

Post by hollypop18 » Fri Jul 09, 2010 8:37 pm

Thanx guys ur replies are really helpful. Its great to see im not alone in my thinking, and not going completely mad! I often feel stupid when i talk about this, because it sounds strange. x

Osymandus
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Re: Getting into a relationship (both friendhip and romantic

Post by Osymandus » Sat Jul 10, 2010 6:04 pm

Im lucky in that one of my coping mechanism is being a nice guy , and pretending im lsting to everyone ;) (ok i really do ). A thing i learn a few years back is not to be afraid to accept i enjoy my own company . Now iI'm lucky in that i have gone through some experiences that allow me to break down these barriers and social concepts (another pagan here we have more fun ) so when you are more at peace and comfortable as yourself you tend to attract and be more comfortable with others .

93 93/93

Agape

bumbleguff
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Re: Getting into a relationship (both friendhip and romantic

Post by bumbleguff » Mon Oct 25, 2010 8:49 pm

i think i am really lucky, i met my other half online, i fell in love with a bit of poetry he had on his web page about a rose. it wasnt easy for either of us as it involved him travelling ( i dont do crowds or new places very well) and me having to fight inner demons that he would ever want anything to do with a person like me ( at that point in my life i wasnt comfortable with who i was)
On the plus side he got to know me alot better than meeting face to face straight away , as i communicate with my keyboard alot better than i do face to face, i can sort the words out reasonabley well if they get in a muddle....and he helped me get the help that i now realise that i needed/need.....and still loves me despite all the hiccups that i have
(infact helps me sort them out.......)
It wasnt as plain sailing as it reads there, and there was partners before him that took advantage because of the open nature that i had ( i think my other half calls it being gullible) i rely heavily on his judgement for warnings if i am being led up the garden path now by friends /family etc because i have no warning bells at all it would seem.
My partners answer to meeting friends or a relationship would be to find something that you have in common that you can talk comfortabley about and just enjoy yourself :D
i hope this helps a little.......i waffle on to much sometimes

SirDaveofDanger
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Re: Getting into a relationship (both friendhip and romantic

Post by SirDaveofDanger » Wed Oct 27, 2010 9:22 pm

Well for the first time in a long time I am involved with someone again (which is entirely down to my friend discovering that this person likes/liked me). I must admit my 'asking out method' was slightly unusual seeing as i'd found out the info from my friend and I told my now girlfriend that my friend had told me about her liking me, and I was happy to be with her as long as she could put up with the distance (which thankfully she was, and just to give you an idea: i'm living in Kent, she's living in Leicester, whilst at uni and Lutterworth when she's at home). We've now been together for a month as of Saturday, and i've seen her every weekend bar the last one (and can't wait to see her again on Friday)

agsiul
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Re: Getting into a relationship (both friendhip and romantic

Post by agsiul » Fri Nov 05, 2010 6:27 pm

I'm ok at making friends now but I've terrible problems with romantic relationships. I would get talking to men and I'd be chatting away and then relaise to my horror that they fancy me and I've no idea what to do and pull back right away. Also I dont like being touched so that's a bit freaky. And then if I have to have an argument or something I have terrible problems because my memory is very poor. To be honest I like my own space which also causes problems and can't really see the point. I'd rather just have friends cause then they will go home and give you your own space again! The only time that would be nice would be when you are going to a wedding. It would be nice to have someone to go to weddings with

Grackle
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Re: Getting into a relationship (both friendhip and romantic

Post by Grackle » Sun Nov 07, 2010 9:29 pm

Lady Fluff wrote: Actually, I've been amazed by the number of lesbians in the hamster fancy world as well! LOL! Rodents are clearly the way forward!
:lol: Maybe I should try that. My cats would probably eat the hamsters though.
I'm in a long term relationship (17 years) but we have trouble making friends and we don't know any other lesbians. Most of my friends are just people that I spend time near (like our next door neighbour and friends on my soccer team) rather than people that I have much in common with. I even thought of posting an ad to try finding friends but I thought that might be too pathetic.

Lady Fluff - we went to see a play called "My Mother's Lesbian Jewish Wiccan Wedding" so you aren't alone in your labels

Grackle

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Lady Fluff
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Re: Getting into a relationship (both friendhip and romantic

Post by Lady Fluff » Thu Nov 11, 2010 11:06 am

Grackle wrote: Lady Fluff - we went to see a play called "My Mother's Lesbian Jewish Wiccan Wedding" so you aren't alone in your labels
I heard about that and listened to some of the songs online - it sounded great (I love obscure musical theatre!) - very jealous you actually got to see it!
"I will not be bound by what they tell me I can be; I will not stay silent, I will speak my liberty" (Kendall Payne)

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