Is this true if you have Dyspraxia?

Talk about socialising, making friends and relationships

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Calm
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Is this true if you have Dyspraxia?

Post by Calm »

So since I was young I have always had problems with the opposite sex (I am a male by the way) even nearing 25 years old I am still not confident when it comes to women, it's like I don't know how to talk to them in a way that develops a proper relationship on a emotion and sexual level. Also when talking to people in general guys or whatever I still find it hard to develop good friendships that last I always seem to be a loss for words. I am not even shy I talk to men, women anyone fine but there is some sort of barrier in preventing me from having close sexual relationships with women.

Can anyone relate?
pink-lady2009
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Re: Is this true if you have Dyspraxia?

Post by pink-lady2009 »

hiya , my boyfriend is very similar to you and he has dyspraxia, he struggles talking to me but can freely talk to others which can cause its only strain on things. He struggles with the closeness of the relationship if he tries to get close it tends to be when we are out and about but if we are at home he just doesnt know how to behave. We can sit a whole night without talking as he just struggles with it. hope this helps
djgard27
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Re: Is this true if you have Dyspraxia?

Post by djgard27 »

I can definetly relate to this mate and im 28 year old still lacking confidence in relating to certain people i just seem lost for words and i cant think what to say to them i definetly feel theres a barrier in place which hinders me getting close to women aswell i dont know what can be done to help
david456
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Re: Is this true if you have Dyspraxia?

Post by david456 »

This is an interesting topic and one I've been wondering about myself. I think that Dyspraxic men and I include myself in this can be almost over sensitive to their partner. Worrying and caring almost too much, rather than just going with the flow sometimes.

Will I embarrass myself? Should I say this, do that? All questions I 've asked myself. Guys with confidence seem to have a steady stream of girlfriends. I'd be happy with one girl.

I think guys also struggle to read body language and emotions and this is very much a Dyspraxic trait. I can do happy or sad, but couldn't tell you if a girl was flirting with me, was bemused, aggitated, uncomfortable, at ease.

I once went to a restaurant with my Mum and Dad. The Waitress who served us was around my age and pretty. After we left, both my Mum and Dad said sepeartly that It was very clear that she fancied me. I though didn't have a clue.
Nickmak
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Re: Is this true if you have Dyspraxia?

Post by Nickmak »

Hi calm (and everyone)

Im 23, dyspraxic and have these exact problems that you and everyone else has mentioned. Everybody says 'just be yourself' as the most important advice and whilst that is completley true it doesnt help if you worry too much . when it comes to girls I worry too much about body language, i find silences really difficult and want to fill them, my idea of flirting goes tits up (inane questions like "do you like steak sandwhiches?" are in my repitoire \:D/ ) and normally ends in embarresment or I dont say anything because I worry 'well when they find out about about the real me, they wont be interested' and I know thats wrong. For instance I fancied this girl for ages and sat outside her workplace (not the best of places, it was a bar so please dont think i am a stalker) for a couple of hours trying to work up the guts to ask her out and then when I finally did go in, I didntd do it! :blush:
When i try and tell mates that im very shy and afraid of rejection the tend to say the former is danglies!
Also my friends say i am very over sensitive, take jokes literally and am always a couple of topics behind in conversation so when I do chat I seem like Ive got some form of non swearing turettes "yeah basketball" "no nick we are talking about x factor" so never mind the problems with the ladies! Im fed up of loads of attractive girls calling me 'teddy bear' or the 'brother ive never had' or the 'freak that hangs out a certian bar staring...' Talk about the 'one who got away' its more like 'the bus load.'

Just throwing this one out there have you guys ever experienced 'the boyfriend off' ? you could be chatting to a girl and not even be interested and just say "hi how was your weekend?" and they say "well ME AND MY BOYFRIEND went shopping" so annoying! anyway after that :-({|= i hope you know you are not alone

Nick:)
WTCCFan
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Re: Is this true if you have Dyspraxia?

Post by WTCCFan »

So many problems many of you face when put together mirrors me.

"Calm" mentioned this barrier that only seems to stop him from developing friendships with males and relationships with girls even though he is not shy. That is me to a tee. I am totally in the dark about what I would say to win a girls attention, time and love. The kind of attention, time and love you can physically see girls show they partners all the time when out and about. And mates never seem to want to be mates in the proper sense. I only "know them". Once time somewhere comes to an end I never see them.

Pink-lady2009 relates to us her boyfriends inability to open a conversation. That happens to me all time time too. I am always stuck for things a person I am with would want me to chat about. I never know if they would be interested in it or not. And rather ignorantly I guess (though it is only a feeling based on what my own mother has said) people think I just don't say much. It is not that I don't want to. I don't know how to.

david456 mentions Dyspraxics can be oversensitive and care too much. Me too. I have never really worried about embarassing myself but I have always subconciously wondered what I ought to do (as I mentioned above). I to would be happy with just one and get very frutrated when I see guys walk along the street dripping with girls. But I cannot also ignore the fact I too have no real idea about body language. It is such a complicated science. Yet people who are well versed in social skills expect us to swallow their claim it is easy.

And though I have never had the names he has had flung his way, NickMak recalls his inability to keep with the flow of a conversation and is often behind. For me that is because I cannot get my point in. But I am gravely concerned that they may not be happy with me and that they can do better.

I am such a mess.
Calm
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Re: Is this true if you have Dyspraxia?

Post by Calm »

Hi guys I have read through all your posts. I am glad I am not alone I can relate to many points made here. Well it's frustrating because I find I don't make proper friends like I try and get to know people and arrange to go out for a drink or whatever but they never become proper friends. It's ofen me who arranges anything. I always seem to find It's usually me who shows interest in others but they don't ask about me. I am not that great thinking about things to say to guys so with women it's harder.

Like Nickmak I feel women won't be interested in me, especially if they knew the real me, I am guarded over questions about "how many girlfriends have you had"?, "are you a virgin"? etc. Perhaps our problem is fearing rejection on a subconscious level, I feel like If I even got a woman interested in me other than "friends" as a potential partner/lover she would loose interest in me and I won't know how to keep her attention. I think there are reasons why certain guys are virgins for so long, and I know I need to "man up" and face being rejected but something obviously isn't right. I want women, a woman but I feel too inept for anything to happen with them. I don't know maybe somewhere along we missed out on certain social skills, making friends and connecting with women to develop physical relationships should come naturally but it feels like work attracting women I talk to, rarely if ever do they offer me their number or ask for mine or start flirting with me. I am used to being on my own it isn't terrible or great either I am just used to it. It's always at the back of mind though anytime I see a woman I am really attracted to or a girl who likes me I just doubt myself and think "nothing will happen what's the point" "I never know what to say to them". I can't carry on like this though the loniless will eventually eat at my soul I want Intimacy, a connection with women and I have sexual desires to be physical with women.
WTCCFan
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Re: Is this true if you have Dyspraxia?

Post by WTCCFan »

Go on http://www.Wikhow.com, and type in anything to do with starting relationships with a woman/man and you will see reams and reams of stuff on the best advice. But I say to that..."easier said than done". Yes, you need to do all the things it says you need to feel, do or say. But something real important comes BEFORE that.

And that is getting into the mindset where you CAN learn to be yourself, flirt with someone of the opposite sex and do all the things you need to do, say and feel.

So my advice is to go on that site but only AFTER you have read about how to get into the mindset which enables you to flirt more easily, be more yourself, etc.

This may just be Step 1 of being a better person to go to girls or boys.
http://www.wikihow.com/Build-Self-Confidence
Calm
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Re: Is this true if you have Dyspraxia?

Post by Calm »

Thanks I try and build confidence, some days I feel confident others I really don't perhaps most days. My confidence fluctuates greatly. I wish I could get over this issue even talking to "friends" I don't think of much to say to them it's not that I don't want to talk it's just I can't usually think of things to say and when people don't ask you anything it doesn't help either. When it comes to women I feel clueless, clueless what to say to "turn her on", keep her attracted which comes naturally to most guys. Seriously I want physical relationships with women but I feel too inept for anything to happen with girls. I wonder if somewhere along the line I lost out some social skills. I know I need to "man up" but I honestly don't feel I get a woman this is a deep rooted belief I have had since I was young.
WTCCFan
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Re: Is this true if you have Dyspraxia?

Post by WTCCFan »

Calm wrote:Thanks I try and build confidence, some days I feel confident others I really don't perhaps most days. My confidence fluctuates greatly. I wish I could get over this issue even talking to "friends" I don't think of much to say to them it's not that I don't want to talk it's just I can't usually think of things to say and when people don't ask you anything it doesn't help either. When it comes to women I feel clueless, clueless what to say to "turn her on", keep her attracted which comes naturally to most guys. Seriously I want physical relationships with women but I feel too inept for anything to happen with girls. I wonder if somewhere along the line I lost out some social skills. I know I need to "man up" but I honestly don't feel I get a woman this is a deep rooted belief I have had since I was young.
You could be me.

Firstly, I know what you mean when you say "turn her on". Not in a sexual sense but in the sense that you are able to say and do the things that keeps a girl interested in you and only you and won't ever make her get bored of you - which is my issue. But then isn't the media and press partly to blame? Yes we are unconfident people by nature but they bombard us with images of beautiful women being wooed by, and being dazzled by the charms of, handsome men and lesser men are treated like jokes. Remember the Twix ad a few years ago? Their tagline was "A break from the norm". The 'norm' being this geek who dissapears when the woman bites into a Twix? That doesn't exactly inspire men who aren't physically attractive or endowed with great charm to give it a go with beautiful women and do it with confidence and self belief. And nearly all ads for things like holidays, perfume and alcohol are full of beautiful people with no average person in sight. The media and press are powerful tools of influence. It ain't that siple methinks to just ignore it as people would advise.

As for the social skills issue, I don't think anyone is really born with it anyway. It is something I think better people are naturally faster at picking up.
Calm
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Re: Is this true if you have Dyspraxia?

Post by Calm »

I know I haven't posted in this theard so a long time. However I think real confidence here is key and being more bold in your sexuality, not an easy thing to do by any means when you probably have little to no experience with women, I still have this issue but I don't think there is any easy way except to get more experience. Build up the confidence first. Having a good self image is pretty important and I think my confidence has grown recently and look and feel more attractive.
Gina
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Re: Is this true if you have Dyspraxia?

Post by Gina »

I dont think it just affects men,

I too have trouble starting conversations (with anyone let alone the opposite sex) I am a bit too much "in my own head" if I say this will they think I am stupid, will they like me etc etc I loved the steak sandwich comment above as I too say stupid thing like that all the time like "do you like marmite?" the clumsiness and generall awkwardness, and low self esteem also doesnt help along with the paranoia in forming new relationships and friendships.

I am so glad I found this forum it makes me feel a bit more well....normal?


x :D
Alex
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Re: Is this true if you have Dyspraxia?

Post by Alex »

yes completely agree
Catwoman42
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Re: Is this true if you have Dyspraxia?

Post by Catwoman42 »

If you ask someone about themselves, or compliment them..or talk about current events/tv. It is difficult. I go away for work and always fear that people will reject me, but , so far, no one has!
Vonkate
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Re: Is this true if you have Dyspraxia?

Post by Vonkate »

i fins it very hard to develop relationships, i have always had problems meeting new people and becoming friends with someone. my mum always said to me that it was part of my dyspraxia. i still have problems with friends now, i have been in a reltionship for 3 years and my dyspraxia still affects it now.
sorry if this dosnet help a bit more
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