Relationships

Talk about socialising, making friends and relationships

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Shadwell
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Re: Relationships

Post by Shadwell »

yeah that is true, if they had to struggle as much as us, then they would understand the reason why we want to be friends longer than just for arguement sake a one night stand speed.

while with me the fact of wanting to meet someone sooner rather than later, I still tend to take my time over things, maybe it is the insecurity of it, or the lack of social skills, or just my body saying this is too fast, I don't know.

but those that aren't dyspraxic don't know what it entails, and even less people will look it up on the internet, and see how hard we are trying, or how hard things are for us, but the only way they will understand is living with us, and being with us most of the time.

and then they are confused as to why a girl shows she wants to be with you, like five seconds in a blue moon, but the rest of the time she will send you packing, and wonder why she kind of gets the cold shoulder the next time she shows she likes you.
Catriona
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Re: Relationships

Post by Catriona »

Dear Alex
You not only one who is like that.
LOts of LOve

catriona
Alex
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Re: Relationships

Post by Alex »

thanks for that
sandradan
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Re: Relationships

Post by sandradan »

I have been having an on-off relationship with this guy for the past two years but he doesn't really understand my dyspraxia. how do i help him to understand?
Alex
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Re: Relationships

Post by Alex »

Its very differcalt to explain as it is to understand i explain it as a co-ordiation and spacial awerreness problem co-ordination throwing and catching a ball for example and spacial awereness cant tell the distence between some things hope this helps
isthatso?
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Re: Relationships

Post by isthatso? »

"I agree with you, Creative. Dyspraxia comes with the package, if that person didn't like it or understood it, tough luck.''

Well, that's not really only up to one person is it? I am NOT dyspraxic(girl 27), but I met a 24 year old guy who is.. He told me he was dyspraxic and I didn't really knew what it was and didn't ask about it because he used it as an excuse for not calling me the day before. I do not really think you should use any condition as an excuse for that matter.
Every time we tried to hook up, he would always show up late, although the things we were going to do were HIS idea and still didn't really think it had anything to do with an dissorder(just normal guy behavior right ;)).
And I've noticed he makes schedules for everything and never ever seems to make the deadlines on time. He's been kicked off the soccer team for oversleeping! And as you can imagine I just saw him as a funny mr bean kind of character. Untill he told me he wants help for all this, friends are mad at him, he's stressed out and he cannot cope because of the disorder. Well that made me curious for what all the fuss is about. But I must say, his not able to plan things right and make it all work out is driving me nuts!!!! ](*,) I think he should live with an agenda taped to his hand! Or beeps per hour with a buzzer so he notices an hour has passed. Ok last thing wasn't really funny [-X . The thing is: I really do like him, but I don't want to start of with all of this drama. I want to be considered ofcourse because he has a reason why these kind of things happen to him. But I have feelings too ofcourse and when somebody is really late or forgets to call me I just think he doesn't like me enough. He says he does and I do notice it ofcourse, so I am reading all I can about this subject because I really like to know in advance what I'll get myself in to. He has a mild form but I really don't know what to do... Do you think it makes a difference..? And do you recognise anything??
nessmaron
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Re: Relationships

Post by nessmaron »

isthatso?,

I definitely wouldn't blame the guy you're talking about for the lateness and forgetting to call you; if he's dyspraxic then he's not trying to mess you around he just really struggles with organising things and things slip his mind easily. You wouldn't believe the amount of times I've been late even when I've made such an effort to be prepared and on time - for example there have been times when I've packed my bag the night before and still been late cos halfway there I've had to go back for my purse and realised when I got home I'd put it in the wrong bag the night before even though I knew which one I was taking out with me.

Maybe you could use this forum to help this guy; using phone reminders (literally for everything I do) has really helped me - maybe he could put reminders in to remind him to call you if you're concerned about him forgetting being a barrier to your relationship. Dyspraxia IMHO is a lot about finding strategies to cope with problems. And in terms of relationships, I have had a number of long term relationships and haven't found it a big problem. None of my bfs knew it as dyspraxia because I wasn't diagnosed til a couple months ago but they all just accepted that I could be very scatty and may well be late as part of how I was. The more annoying thing for them was prolly the fact that I was always (and still am w/ the current bf) injuring them with my clumsiness but no broken bones yet so it's not too bad :P and they just light-heartedly called me a clumsy bitch and laughed most of the time. In my experience, the only problems will be how the partner of the person with dyspraxia reacts to it. If they are understanding then there is no problem.


Hi Sandradan,

I've been with my bf for nearly 4 years and am trying to get him to understand too. It's a bit weird cos I'd never even heard of dyspraxia when I met him so he's seen me discover it, spend a couple years asserting I had it and then finally getting diagnosed v.recently.

He gets the coordination thing (cos tbh I'm just so clumsy etc. that he couldn't believe there isn't something wrong) but the other stuff, like everything to do with organisation - being constantly late, misplacing things, struggling to order things in my head, having to think things thru before I get them etc. - I don't think he totally gets that most of that isn't me not thinking, and I largely can't help it.

I think though, if I can get him to read some of the posts on the forum that might really help him. Maybe he'll recognise all these things that I unintentionally do in the stories of other people just like I did, and finally see the impact dyspraxia has.
isthatso?
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Re: Relationships

Post by isthatso? »

@nessmaron

Thank you for your reply, kinda thought the forum was a little bit quiet. I'm not really sure where everything is going with us, but seeing him tonight again. We have agreed that when he 'forgets' to call I have to call him myself. And he also started with the phone notifiers. And he also explained to me that he doesn't do this on purpose. I am going to tell him tonight I have joined the dyspraxic forum to show him that I do care and want to know how people deal with that. He also started therapy sessions, because he really wants to learn how he can stay focused and be more organised. I guess we will take it slow and time will tell ;). Taking it slow would be kinda good fo me for a change! I really like him though..so I also have to find a way to deal with my chaotic crush. Does it make a difference to you now you know that you have a diagnose? (sorry if my English is poor, that's because I am from Holland)
Catwoman42
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Re: Relationships

Post by Catwoman42 »

I don't mind socialising, but hate it if the music is too loud. Relatinships? I do mention my dyspraxia but I never know how much is me and how much is my dyspraxia..... I love the thrill of the chase, flirting etc, but I get bored sooooo quickly
RaeB
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Re: Relationships

Post by RaeB »

Hey Alex

I dont think any one should judge you or dislike you for being dyspraxic or dont even try to understand they r not worth ur time,
I have dyslexia, dyspraxia and at both college and my first year at Uni I had problems with people and never in the end told new people about havin them as they would not even try to understand but now I have a great group of friends who took the time to just listen to me and take me for who I am.

You will be fine just beleive in ur self ! :P :ghug:
agsiul
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Re: Relationships

Post by agsiul »

Catwoman42 wrote:I don't mind socialising, but hate it if the music is too loud. Relatinships? I do mention my dyspraxia but I never know how much is me and how much is my dyspraxia..... I love the thrill of the chase, flirting etc, but I get bored sooooo quickly
I was wondering if anyone else was like this. I love my own space as well so I need to head off and have my own space. I haven't been in a relationship for years and to be honest I'm not sure I'd be bothered though I'd love to have some male friends again. I used to have plenty and it was nice cause there isn't as much analysising of things. They just are. I really have a low tollerence for bordem which is with everything: work, life, etc. I love to travel cause you can meet people, spend time with them and move on to new people. You can practice your stories on them and after retelling the story 20 times it finely tuned and slimlined!
SirDaveofDanger
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Re: Relationships

Post by SirDaveofDanger »

I'm 7 weeks into my first relationship with someone for the first time in over 2 years, and she is quite understanding about my dyspraxia. Ironically i'm obsessed over timings of trains, buses, etc. and I get slightly agitated when people aren't there when I say a time I will arrive (unless they let me know). What is even stranger is my girlfriend has OCD, so you'd think she would be the same lol
meow
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Re: Relationships

Post by meow »

I have been with my boyfriend for about 9 months. He knows I have dyspraxia and dyslexia :) I'm so clumsy though, I'm constantly hurting him by accident. I also have to keep asking him what he's saying, because sometimes I don't understand it the first time. Argh. but he loves me and I know he understands.
Tom fod
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Re: Relationships

Post by Tom fod »

I've never had a proper relationship. sometimes it really depresses me as I'm asking myself why? Am I just not reading the signs etc but then again perhaps it's just I haven't met the right person. Thankfully I have some great female friends though I admit there has been misunderstanding on my part about what that means.

Have also tried the internet dating thing in my quest to find someone though bailed out of Plenty of Fish (POF) a short while back as generally dejected. Had a big online dating disaster Feb last year. Not sure if it was on POF). I suspect I upset her when I pedantically commented on a small spelling irregularity and must have inadvertantly touched a very raw nerve. She reacted badly and wrote some very hurtful stuff and sadly that was the end of that which was a shame/lucky escape.

Going back to what I think this thread is about I guess I am different, visual impairment/dyspraxic factors make things difficult (reliant on public transport) and not sure I'd want to try and explain that to a potential partner too early even though I'd to some extent feel I owed them an explanation. Bit of a conundrum really.

Hope sharing this helps people. Tom
Tom
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madds88
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Re: Relationships

Post by madds88 »

Hi

This is my first post on here. I only discovered this site the other day.

I'll start from the top...

My chap and I met 5 years ago via mutual freinds/interests- he has dyspraxia but I was unaware at first. He came across as, if I'm totaly honest, as a bit odd and I was unable to figure him out at first. He would sit with me in pubs, then not talk. Or we would be getting on okay, but then he would leave and seemingle forget to say goodbye to people. However, he was a nice, genuine lad so we became freinds pretty soon- although it seemed I was sometimes 'dragging' conversations out of him so to speak. Anyway, after a 2 years we were seeing each other all the time, going to pubs/gigs etc. I liked how he was honest and polite, very caring etc. I just took him for a nice, shy lad with a few slightly odd (sorry to use the word again, but that was just how I thought of it at the time it just didn't bother me) traits. I became his girlfreind and it was fantastic. He's affectionate, we have loads in common and we 'get' eachother.

After 3 months of dating we decided to move in together. That's when he told me about the dyspraxia. He said that he hadn't told me before as he was a bit embarrassed and didn't know how I'd react- but thought I should know before we moved in together so I'd know about some things to expect. So I read up on it and asked him some questions etc. It explained alot and for me, changed nothing. We moved in.

It took a while to adjust, not least because we were both 'flying the nest' for the first time but we soon got into a swing. I normally handle the finances, which doesn't bother me as I'm sort of hyper organised anyway. Yes, sometimes it can be fustrating when he's untidy/cluttered/forgets to do things, but it's not a massive issue. The only thing we need to really talk over is how he sometimes get angry over silly things or will lose patience very easily- I understand that part of it is simply due to the condition and I don't have a go or judge, but at the same time I do tell him if he has upset me and we chat it out. It seems to work for us as he says he'd rather know and it stops things from building up between us.

Anyway, on to the future. We're getting married next June cannot wait. We love each other totally, for all of our good and bad bits and are looking into starting a family when we're older (we're only 22)

I just wanted to post this up, as I'm so glad to have found a forum like this. It's nice to know there are others who can give help/advice not just about the condtion itself but also how it affects different people in differernt situations. I would also like to reaffirm that when I discovered he had dyspraxia, it changed nothing about how I felt about him- if someone cannot accept a person for who they are, they're really not worth the time anyway!

The end!
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