Friends

Talk about socialising, making friends and relationships

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peterkeegan
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Re: Friends

Post by peterkeegan »

I have very few close friends though they don't live in Liverpool or the ones that do have hectic lives and therefore I am usually my own company.
We the willing, led by the unknowning are attempting to the impossible for the ungrateful.

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NobodyElseWill
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Re: Friends

Post by NobodyElseWill »

I'm pretty much on my own as well as i work four days a week and (4-6 hours each day) and because of my schedule it's very hard fixing a time because i'm either physically tired and it's not the normal tiredness that goes away after thirty minutes kip or because they working or out with their friends. I have to also rest at weekends. So I pretty much spend nights often listening to music on my ipod touch or watching whatever is on television. (That's if i am able to, my eyes can get quite blurry and a busy film or tv programme would cause the sensitvity to get worse.
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peterkeegan
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Re: Friends

Post by peterkeegan »

NobodyElseWill wrote:I'm pretty much on my own as well as i work four days a week and (4-6 hours each day) and because of my schedule it's very hard fixing a time because i'm either physically tired and it's not the normal tiredness that goes away after thirty minutes kip or because they working or out with their friends. I have to also rest at weekends. So I pretty much spend nights often listening to music on my ipod touch or watching whatever is on television. (That's if i am able to, my eyes can get quite blurry and a busy film or tv programme would cause the sensitvity to get worse.
I know what you mean though working for the NHS as a staff nurse is hard going at times and tiring. I then come home when usually my neighbours keep me awake or if not them people coming out of the pubs usually midnight (Monday to Thursday and Sunday) and anything upto all night on Friday/ Saturday though to be fair its not all the time.

I do feel isolated at the mo and now being on this site has helped but would be great to meet up with people in Liverpool who also have Dyspraxia and have a laugh.
We the willing, led by the unknowning are attempting to the impossible for the ungrateful.

We have done so much with so little that we are now experts at doing anything with nothing.
NobodyElseWill
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Re: Friends

Post by NobodyElseWill »

But I am hoping the doctors find out what's wrong as i never used to get this knackered on a lower amount of energy. I always try to push myself a little like i am out with friends and i do keep in contact with by txt, email and phone messages and on the odd weekend i might pop out for a drink or invite them over for the day.
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Remus
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Re: Friends

Post by Remus »

I have a few close friends who are very precious to me and I keep in contact with but often, it's just me on my own and doing my own thing which is great most of the time as I am usually swamped in work anyway but now, in summer, it's not that good and it does get lonely.
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NobodyElseWill
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Re: Friends

Post by NobodyElseWill »

I do get lonely on the odd day especially when my brother's going out with his mates down the pub and i am stuck in doors either in bed feeling totally knackered or watch some boring documentary on the history of door handles. (only joking but u get my point.
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Pixibeatz
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Re: Friends

Post by Pixibeatz »

I also find it very hard to make friends that i feel i can talk to about absolutely everything, i have a few people that fall into the complete disclosure box but mostly i have either friends i can talk to but i hide any troubles i have or associates people that i see every day, i can talk to them but not about anything personal. I also get on best with guys my guy mates see me as one of the lads, i just don't quite know what to do when hanging around with girls although i get by i never have that much to say in comparison.
NobodyElseWill
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Re: Friends

Post by NobodyElseWill »

I also found that I am a lot more friendly with my penfriends who've i have known forever and people i know of online than I am with my real friends and some days wish my real friends were my penfriends and my penfriends and chat mates were my real mates then i would be happy. Also I found my friends really boring like they keep talking about their boyfriends or social life and how they are sooo happy or miserable etc and when I need them the most they don't give a sod.
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mscleverclogs
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Re: Friends

Post by mscleverclogs »

sheppeyescapee wrote:I find it really hard to make friends. I tend to react either by being really shy or not knowing when to shut up, I don't pick up non-verbal cues and talk way beyond the point where the person has got bored. My wife has only just learnt that if I'm talking about my latest "obsession" that I probably won't stop unless she tells me to shut up and that doesn't always work.

People have found with me that I can either be aloof or too intense. I tend to make 1 friend at a time and get a bit obsessed to the point that I scare them off :blush: The only way that I have solved that is by not letting myself get too close to people, but then I get accused to being uncaring.

Luckily I have a few friends that I don't see often but they are completely understanding of my need to have that distance. I prefer my own company the majority of the time as I spend a lot of time at uni so I need it to recover from that.

There are times that it bothers me that I don't have many friends. My wife has been telling me I need to get out of the house more as she wants some time in it on her own to chill out..
Hey I can relate to you myself.
I have been told that I appear like I am not listening to the other person and then but in and start changing the subject. I am kind of glad I got this feedback as now I am careful and take note of how I am. I try to ask more questions about the other person and show interest in them. I think you need to be less self focussed like I am trying not to be too.
This is what causes the problem if you either talking to people about problems or appear too self focussed and not listen to others.
To make friends we have to learn to listen and ask questions so that the other person feels valued. It says all of this in the famous book 'How to win friends and influence people'.
You ask people what they like and then try to discuss a little bit of the things that interest them and not go on and on about your own problems as it sounds negative, draining and can be boring for the other person.
I know because a friend does that to me. She will talk for England but mostly about negative things and really hogs the whole conversation and doesn't listen for long.
Then she asks me why people don't want to be her friend for long.
Its nothing personal but when the conversation gets one sided and negative then the other person can feel drained.
You need to be more positive and have a laugh and show interest. Use good body language too. People who do this have lots of friend and are liked.
Hope this helps. I am working towards thhis too.
NobodyElseWill
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Re: Friends

Post by NobodyElseWill »

one thing I have learnt especially when it comes to making friends always carry around a small little note pad about the size of your phone to help you remember your new friend's cat/dog/brother/sister etc. Otherwise they won't be that happy if you say "How's Rosie?" and you forget your referring to your other mate's cat. They'll think your barking mad, and it also comes in handy for tv programmes like Eastenders. I always forget the plot especially if I am nervous when having a conversation with a new friends and also swat up on latest gossip, current affairs and tv programmes/music they listen to. As they won't be impressed if you say watch hollyoaks and you haven't seen it in years. I have learnt the hard way that's why I'm pretty much left with the people from my specials school (soooooo boring zzzzzz) or the better option chat mates and penpals I chat to/email all the time.
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sarahlouise22
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Re: Friends

Post by sarahlouise22 »

I have always struggled to make close friends.....i too can make associates ... and i can talk to someone i dont know if i have to. but close friends i just carnt seem to.... i thought i did at college...but all they did was ignore me.. not talk to me... and never wait on for me after lessons etc and once i got told i was very blunt before... and i know at times i can come across in completely the wrong way... i know i wasnt being horrible but it comes across that way. I tend to speak before i think...and occasionally i offend someone... i really dont mean to. In groups of people i do find it hard to make conversations.....think some of it is insecurities .... because i do want to participate in the conversation....but i dont wanna look silly if i try to make light jokes etc but i dont want to appear boring either. make any sense?
agsiul
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Re: Friends

Post by agsiul »

sarahlouise22 wrote:I have always struggled to make close friends.....i too can make associates ... and i can talk to someone i dont know if i have to. but close friends i just carnt seem to.... i thought i did at college...but all they did was ignore me.. not talk to me... and never wait on for me after lessons etc and once i got told i was very blunt before... and i know at times i can come across in completely the wrong way... i know i wasnt being horrible but it comes across that way. I tend to speak before i think...and occasionally i offend someone... i really dont mean to. In groups of people i do find it hard to make conversations.....think some of it is insecurities .... because i do want to participate in the conversation....but i dont wanna look silly if i try to make light jokes etc but i dont want to appear boring either. make any sense?
Totally. I had no friends in school and I used to do what you said. I'd just float from group to group and just hope I could get trhough the day. I never opened my mouth for the same reason. When I went to college i went out of my way to make friends probably using the skills that I learned from watching other people in action. As I got better at it myself I became more confident. I kept in touch for a while with the people from college but we drifted apart but every so often I'd hear from some of them. My life it different to theirs so we don't have a lot in common but it's nice to hear what they're up to now. I have some very good friends now but I also enjoy my own company. I don't know what the easiest thing would be fore you to do but I would imagine joining a club that is quite social. Something that you'd be interested in so that you'd find it easy to talk about it. I did set dancing which was great cause there were lots of people different ages and you were all dancing with each other and you'd have time to chat about what was going on between sets, etc. what kinds fo things are you interested in?
sarahlouise22
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Re: Friends

Post by sarahlouise22 »

Totally. I had no friends in school and I used to do what you said. I'd just float from group to group and just hope I could get trhough the day. I never opened my mouth for the same reason. When I went to college i went out of my way to make friends probably using the skills that I learned from watching other people in action. As I got better at it myself I became more confident. I kept in touch for a while with the people from college but we drifted apart but every so often I'd hear from some of them. My life it different to theirs so we don't have a lot in common but it's nice to hear what they're up to now. I have some very good friends now but I also enjoy my own company. I don't know what the easiest thing would be fore you to do but I would imagine joining a club that is quite social. Something that you'd be interested in so that you'd find it easy to talk about it. I did set dancing which was great cause there were lots of people different ages and you were all dancing with each other and you'd have time to chat about what was going on between sets, etc. what kinds fo things are you interested in?[/quote]

Well im interested in animals.... i did do some volunteer work but the people there are alot younger than me... or alot older than me....i could go somewhere else but these places are very difficult to get to because they tend to be out in the countryside. There is nothing else im really interested in... sounds really sad...maybe joining in something fun where you can be silly or something i dont know lol i am quite daft myself soo.... but joining a club of that sort id probably need alot more confidence especially if im with people i dont know. make any sense? lol
agsiul
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Re: Friends

Post by agsiul »

You know when I was dancing some of the people were the same age as me but most where a lot older than me. They give you a lot of leeway and they sort of help you along and you can kind of practice on them so if you could keep it up it might be a good idea. Then when you become more confindent you could try out something else. I'd love to do something silly myself these days....I feel so adult all the time. It's head wrecking.

and you know maybe you could do soemthing like walk dogs for a little money because my aunt has dogs and it's a bit like having a baby people stop and talk to her all the time. It doens't matter if you say the wrong thing because you'll be moving on and you'll only see them every so often. The likelyhood of saying the wrong thing about their dog would seem unlikely and sure if they took offence that's their problem for being too touchy. I did a lot of travelling and that was when I did my practicing. I'd be moving on so when I'd fell that I'd screw things up it didn't really matter because the odds of running inot the same people again was slim and I got better and better at it. It doesn't sound sad at all. I can't even think what I'd like to be interested in these days. Once I get good at something i get bored and want to move on to soemthing else. So far havent found anything that wouldn't be too expensive to do. I'd love to learn how to fly or glide.
tom1293
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Re: Friends

Post by tom1293 »

I love this tread so much..I want to have many friends here so if you want to became my friend please we meet here...I am Tommy but you can call me Tom for short..I came from Phoenix, Arizona USA..I'm a new member this site..
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