Feeling Down About Dyspraxia

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RenegadeDyspraxic
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Feeling Down About Dyspraxia

Post by RenegadeDyspraxic » Fri Nov 22, 2019 3:12 pm

Hi all,
I have been feeling a bit down in myself recently and would love to know anyone experiences the same or has issues. Allow me to explain.
I am in my mid-30s, still live at home with my parents and generally looked down upon by family and wider Social group. I am hopeless at getting a girlfriend, no matter how hard I try. Women just seem to look beyond me for more attractive, well to do guys (and pl don't say there is a girl out there for me as if there is, she going to have to be pretty unique compared most girls I tried approaching).
I also run my own business as I struggle to work for others and can't stand office politics. Yet for my age I am making no where near the amount of money I should. My only other sibling is a narcissistic who doing very well in police force, has his own house and family. And loves to put me down about my position in life.
I have big goals and dreams for myself but struggle to attain them.
It seems that apart from my immediate family, (parents) and few close friends, everyone looks there noses down on me, especially women as I don't seem to fit defined definition of success.
And looking back at my life, Dyspraxia seems to be the thing which makes holds me back. I can visualise how if it weren't for Dyspraxia, I have no trouble dating (and starting a family), be better paid and achieving all my goals.
Anyone else in the same boat as me.
Are you on Facebook? If so then why not sign up to the Dyspraxia Support Group, where you can chat with fellow Dyspraxics at https://www.facebook.com/groups/294976028092912/

Tom fod
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Re: Feeling Down About Dyspraxia

Post by Tom fod » Fri Nov 22, 2019 9:37 pm

Hi

I can definitely emphasise.Life sadly can all too often be or feel like an uphill struggle when your Dyspraxic/Neurodiverse.

I've fortunately managed to survive the office politics but to be honest I'm fortunate a lot of that sort of bitchiness is something I've been able to mostly avoid or it's just not on my radar as I rise above it/let it go over my head. Comparing ourselves and being compared to others is a nasty trap to fall into, yet we all go there. We're intelligent but our condition seems to cause us to project otherwise to others and it being a dog eat dog world it can be pretty alien.

I'm in my mid 40s and have missed out on relationships and have on occasion have felt bitterness. However ladies can detect that and like low confidence and our own sense of desperation to be more like our peers it very much tends to repel them. I'm not going to come out with the cliche about someone for everybody as it is no help. It does seem to be a numbers game and dating sites are full of indecisive men and ladies who if they decide they are not all that attracted soon find someone more charming or interesting/interested in them so it can be really unforgiving and if your're not feeling in a positive frame of mind, can soon have you feeling very demoralised very quickly.

Family and some friends can be uncaring especially when they seem to have everything easy and are on your case about what you haven't achieved.

You've talked about self acceptance and I think it can often be hard for us to accept ourselves as we see the bigger picture, and are all too well aware of our own shortcomings, so don't need to family or friends to point them out too pointedly.
Tom
Moderator/Administrator

With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)

RenegadeDyspraxic
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Re: Feeling Down About Dyspraxia

Post by RenegadeDyspraxic » Sat Nov 23, 2019 1:50 am

Thanks Tom for your kind response.
You are completely right in what you say. It is hard but it is a battle which we all face. At least there are forums like this which enable us to chat with others. :)
Are you on Facebook? If so then why not sign up to the Dyspraxia Support Group, where you can chat with fellow Dyspraxics at https://www.facebook.com/groups/294976028092912/

Xenavire
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Re: Feeling Down About Dyspraxia

Post by Xenavire » Sat Nov 23, 2019 9:41 am

I don't want to sound mean, but attitude does factor in largely into how relationships unfold, and your "woe is me" outlook on dating is probably killing your chances with a lot of people.

I'm not going to say that dating, or maintaining a relationship, is easy for Dyspraxic people. It's not, I know this from experience. However, being "overlooked" is something I have seen repeatedly in close friends of mine, none of whom are Dyspraxic (although all of them are Neuro diverse, whether they would admit or not.) All three of them were self defeatist, assuming nobody would be interested, and it became a self fulfilling prophecy. They all let themselves down to the point that none of them has a hope of going on a date anymore. They are all in their 30's.

I'm not going to say that a change in attitude will have overnight results. But dating in and of itself isn't a simple thing for anyone. But having a positive outlook and not letting your differences define you will almost certainly help. Confidence, ironically, is apparently one of the most attractive features we can display.

For the rest, I don't have any advice. Barring being in a long term relationship, I'm essentially in the same boat as you in a lot of ways.

chrisb83
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Re: Feeling Down About Dyspraxia

Post by chrisb83 » Sat Nov 23, 2019 10:13 pm

I can empathize. My dyspraxia has left me with an odd walk, that makes it look like I am swaggering; and really bad balance issues. I never talk about it, as I dont want it to define me. When I was a young child, my parents were told it would impact me to the point I would never cope in normal life. I proved them wrong, and have a decent job and got very lucky with wonderful fiance. Other than being socially awkward, im generally Ok.

Today, I was assessed for a permit with the scouts to lead young people in the hills. I had five points to navigate to. I found four to within around twenty meters, including at night (the fifth I was slightly off first attempt, and found on the second). However, because I was slow when clambering over rocks, and not able to do so one handed, I failed my assessment. It doesn't compare to the struggles of others Im sure, but for the first time in my life im having to acknowledge I cant do something I love, or help others to do so, because of my dyspraxia. And it hurts.

Tom fod
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Re: Feeling Down About Dyspraxia

Post by Tom fod » Sat Nov 23, 2019 11:27 pm

chrisb83 wrote:
Sat Nov 23, 2019 10:13 pm
I can empathize. My dyspraxia has left me with an odd walk, that makes it look like I am swaggering; and really bad balance issues. I never talk about it, as I dont want it to define me. When I was a young child, my parents were told it would impact me to the point I would never cope in normal life. I proved them wrong, and have a decent job and got very lucky with wonderful fiance. Other than being socially awkward, im generally Ok.

Today, I was assessed for a permit with the scouts to lead young people in the hills. I had five points to navigate to. I found four to within around twenty meters, including at night (the fifth I was slightly off first attempt, and found on the second). However, because I was slow when clambering over rocks, and not able to do so one handed, I failed my assessment. It doesn't compare to the struggles of others Im sure, but for the first time in my life im having to acknowledge I cant do something I love, or help others to do so, because of my dyspraxia. And it hurts.

Hi Chris and welcome

Sorry to hear you didn't pass, Is it something you might be allowed another shot at?
Tom
Moderator/Administrator

With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)

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