Often feel like I drive people away or I'm really annoying

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-will-
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Often feel like I drive people away or I'm really annoying

Postby -will- » Wed Aug 02, 2017 11:11 pm

Okay so all my live I feel like my personality can be grating and tends to wear people down. Not in a good way either you know? I work in a place where people come and go (often students) and I can't help but feel like that during there time I'm so in there face and on that I'm one reason that convinces them to move on. I don't want to feel narcissistic but it makes sense. Especially when after they've left and I try to reach out I get nothing back. This has happened a handful of times now.

Is it because Only some people get me and laugh, judge or even pity me behind my back? I mean these people have said keep in touch or whatever but clearly don't mean it. It's hard as I don't have a ton of close relationships. Like two, that's it.

Does anyone Else find it hard to build relationships outside of places where you have to interact with people, and often get nothing back or find it starts but the cycle repeats and I'm left wondering that it crumbled again because I perhaps drove them away. Btw this is my first post here, so hi everyone :D

Tom fod
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Re: Often feel like I drive people away or I'm really annoying

Postby Tom fod » Wed Aug 02, 2017 11:51 pm

Hi and welcome

It's really not our place to judge and we've barely got to know you. It maybe that other people don't want to remain at where you work for many other reasons so be careful of thinking it's all you. I get on well with people from my office but we don't actually go out as a group or socialise together as much as some might expect. People have other responsibilities, family and friends, outside of work so in many cases working and relaxing together doesn't happen like on TV.

Can totally appreciate you feel lonely. We all do! Sometimes even in a room full of people!. Try to find people you have more in common with than just work and please don't take their lack of enthusiasm as a personal affront or damning indictment on your personality.
Tom
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With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)

-will-
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Re: Often feel like I drive people away or I'm really annoying

Postby -will- » Thu Aug 03, 2017 12:22 am

True true. Good points.
I've actually never gone out with my work colleagues in my entire three years of working there now you mention it. I guess I'm trying to say that don't feel like the problem only part of it, that's often the case of with my life.
Anyways thank you for the reply so quickly. I'll go and introduce my self I guess on that other page
:)

Tom fod
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Re: Often feel like I drive people away or I'm really annoying

Postby Tom fod » Thu Aug 03, 2017 12:31 am

Will

You're welcome. Being dyspraxic seems to often come with low self esteem and I think many of us over analyse what we've said/done or are going to say/do, which makes interacting with others on different wavelengths tricky to say the least.

Wish I had all the answers or could at least put them into practice.for myself.
Tom
Moderator/Administrator

With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)

Desert Rose
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Re: Often feel like I drive people away or I'm really annoying

Postby Desert Rose » Wed Nov 15, 2017 6:31 pm

This is an experience I know all too well, and is something that has been on my mind alot lately. I feel like I'm being judged by people alot of the time, and this has caused me some anxiety. Whenever I attempt to interact with someone I'm not used to, I totally freak out and my heart starts racing as my mind starts rushing to find appropriate responses, then I spend alot of time analysing what I said and my body language. Whether it's paranoia or low self esteem a combination of the both, I get a strong sense that people are off put by my behaviour, and then avoid me or appear to just stare at me in judgement. Usually I get confused and don't understand what I've done wrong, I would definitely say some people are alienated by me, as I feel there's often no connection being made when I attempt to interact with some people or I just get what feels like quite a patronising or dismissive response. My response lately has just been to stop caring as I can't help but be myself, and I don't intend to cause myself anxiety in the attempt to "correct" myself in other peoples eyes. I'm happier being myself, and I'd rather spend time with the very few people who don't judge me than the rest who do. Thats my approach anyway.

lizzie1991
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Re: Often feel like I drive people away or I'm really annoying

Postby lizzie1991 » Sun Dec 03, 2017 5:31 pm

Yes what your explaining is very similar to myself, I've been accused of pestering people even when I've reached out to them and been kind. For example when I was slightly younger if I ever upset someone and they knew my parents for example they would go and tell my parents and then I'd end up with a telling off but it was never for being nasty it was because I apparently bombarded them with information in conversations or talked about something to the person that upset them because they went through it. I'm in my mid twenties now and people still feel the need to go behind my back and not just have a word with me. People have even gone as far as to say not to have anything to do with me in the past too like mutual friends of a boyfriend. I hope I make sense and I sympathise with your post.

lizzie1991
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Re: Often feel like I drive people away or I'm really annoying

Postby lizzie1991 » Sun Dec 03, 2017 5:36 pm

Desert Rose wrote:This is an experience I know all too well, and is something that has been on my mind alot lately. I feel like I'm being judged by people alot of the time, and this has caused me some anxiety. Whenever I attempt to interact with someone I'm not used to, I totally freak out and my heart starts racing as my mind starts rushing to find appropriate responses, then I spend alot of time analysing what I said and my body language. Whether it's paranoia or low self esteem a combination of the both, I get a strong sense that people are off put by my behaviour, and then avoid me or appear to just stare at me in judgement. Usually I get confused and don't understand what I've done wrong, I would definitely say some people are alienated by me, as I feel there's often no connection being made when I attempt to interact with some people or I just get what feels like quite a patronising or dismissive response. My response lately has just been to stop caring as I can't help but be myself, and I don't intend to cause myself anxiety in the attempt to "correct" myself in other peoples eyes. I'm happier being myself, and I'd rather spend time with the very few people who don't judge me than the rest who do. Thats my approach anyway.
I also get like this too my heart races I shake and tremble and feel like I'm upsetting people when I'm only trying to be nice and now I'm careful who I let into my life.

Desert Rose
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Re: Often feel like I drive people away or I'm really annoying

Postby Desert Rose » Sun Dec 03, 2017 5:42 pm

lizzie1991 wrote: I also get like this too my heart races I shake and tremble and feel like I'm upsetting people when I'm only trying to be nice and now I'm careful who I let into my life.


You're far from alone.

lizzie1991
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Re: Often feel like I drive people away or I'm really annoying

Postby lizzie1991 » Sun Dec 03, 2017 6:07 pm

It seems as though people are quicker to judge me and class me as attention seeking for talking about things or trying to be kind and meet new people than they are to another person who is similar they avoid me but at the end of the day they respect another person for being just as nice and talkative. People are quick to find a slight fault with me or even a big one and just decide oh I don't like her she's weird.

Desert Rose
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Re: Often feel like I drive people away or I'm really annoying

Postby Desert Rose » Sun Dec 03, 2017 6:17 pm

lizzie1991 wrote:It seems as though people are quicker to judge me and class me as attention seeking for talking about things or trying to be kind and meet new people than they are to another person who is similar they avoid me but at the end of the day they respect another person for being just as nice and talkative. People are quick to find a slight fault with me or even a big one and just decide oh I don't like her she's weird.


Unfortunately alot of people are quite judgemental, and I think that's because people fear/dislike what they don't understand. As someone who would be considered an unusual/unconventional person I've been lucky enough to get to know people who are mature enough or kind enough to see my differences and see through them and not care. There are more like that out there. All I can say is just don't force yourself to do something that puts you out of your comfort zone, you'll meet the right people eventually, just like I did.

lizzie1991
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Re: Often feel like I drive people away or I'm really annoying

Postby lizzie1991 » Sun Dec 03, 2017 6:25 pm

Yes I understand what your saying and I'm glad you understand too this seems a very helpful and caring community thank you.

Daydreaming
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Re: Often feel like I drive people away or I'm really annoying

Postby Daydreaming » Sun Dec 03, 2017 10:44 pm

My motto is : You be you and let me be me!
Wish more people were like this.
Luckily, I don't really care what others think of me and never have. But I don't know if that's a gift or a curse.

How can being helpful and caring ever be a bad thing?
Keep being you the best way you know how. Then you will always be good enough.


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